Keeping them restrained...repost

I recently picked up a book from a reformed company and read over the first couple of pages. On the second page I discovered a paragraph that I thought perfectly summed up America's 'churches'. In this book a woman was speaking to a preacher and she suggested something that the preacher didn't agree with. The lady quickly dismissed the preacher by suggesting he go eat and work on his sermon. The part that stuck with me though was how the woman told the preacher that they would need him to preach as good as he could to keep them from turning on one another. She told him that if he could preach well enough to keep them all on speaking terms than he would have more than earned his pay.

That is a fictional book written in 1917 and reprinted by a reformed company today. I know little else about that book, only the publishers description of what the book is about. But that single paragraph so accurately summed up today's 'church' buildings, at least I thought it did.

I was once told by someone raised in the Roman Catholic faith that the Catholic 'church' seemed to be the cover for sin. They went to the services than lived a life of sin all the rest of the time. I recently read something written by someone raised in the same faith that essentially said exactly what I had been told before, only this person said that Roman Catholicism is used as a license to sin. Only thing is, most denominations are that way, at least the one's I have experienced are.

I heard a preacher sum it up great one time. This preacher said that they put on their Sunday face to go to services then live their normal lives all the other time, lives that look just like the rest of the world. If even a preacher spoke on it, than what purpose does the preacher serve?

I had a relative tell me about a year ago that God wants more preachers to preach on hell. That spawned a short conversation that I won't go into here but the gist of it was that this person truly believed what she said. She honestly thought that God wanted those preachers to preach on hell and the preachers were not doing it. Since then I have seen several things online that say we need preachers that will preach on sin and hell. Only thing with that is if you share online sermons given by preachers that truly do preach on sin and hell, they don't want to watch or listen to them. It all sounds good in theory, even looks good shared on social media or their blog, but let them really come face to face with a sermon, with a preacher, with a person, that tells them that their lying, their covetousness, their selfishness, their lack of total devotion to the true Lord, are sin and they don't want to listen. Give them a sermon that tells them that the prayer they prayed at some point may have only deluded them into thinking that they won't spend eternity in hell and they will quickly turn it off. It sounds good to say they want to hear more about sin and hell but the truth is most of them don't want to hear anything of the like.

Week after week, 'Christians' fill the pews in their chosen 'church' and what do they hear? They are told of how they should help others, of how to better their marriage, of how to have better family relationships, of how to get along with coworkers, of how to...manage their lives. And really, if you think about the majority of those sermons, what they want, and what they get, are sermons that keep them corralled enough to keep them from turning on each other and those who they encounter every day. Oh, they may or may not literally turn on each other but that's the gist of what the sermons do, they rein them in for a time, keep them corralled, keep them contained within a certain area.

It is as if the sermon puts a gate around the person that lets them stray so far and only so far. They are restrained within the gate. When I was seven I was put into a 'Christian' school. I was signed up for it before the school year started. I remember sitting with friends, in my home, one day and one of the kids wanted me to say something, I can't remember what. The part I do recall very well was telling those friends that I couldn't say that because I was about to start going to a 'Christian' school.

On that day, the enrollment in a 'Christian' school restrained me. It kept me from doing something simply because I knew I would soon be going to that school. Somehow, in my childish mind, I believed that what school I went to determined, in some way, what I could and could not do.

Does 'church' work the same way for the people that fill the pews each Sunday?

I've heard my husband say many times that the Lord uses 'churches' to restrain people. How many people that go to those services are restrained in their sins because of what they are taught within the doors of the building? How many of those people are restrained week after week because of the sermon they hear every Sunday?

If a person goes to a 'church' every Sunday and sits through the weekly sermon, they will hear a different message every week. This week they might hear about restraining their speech. Next week they might hear about resolving marital conflict. Another week they may get a lesson on bill paying under the title of 'Christian' stewardship. On and on the list of sermons goes, and with it comes an endless selection of topics, much like walking into a library and picking a book off the shelf. This book is about cats, that one dogs. Another book on plumbing. Others on famous people, small pox, cholera, shoes, dolls... There is no end of topics to the books one can find within the walls of a library. And, it would seem, there is no end of topics that a preacher might pull from his hat to 'teach' to his congregation.

But what purpose do those sermons serve?

Listening to a sermon on restraining one's speech might be beneficial, a reminder to watch the things we say, but in the end does it serve any purpose? Wouldn't a true Christian already be aware of the fact that their speech should be restrained? I'm a tell it like it is kind of person and I can attest to the fact that I am well aware of the Scripture verses on speech and how we should speak to others. I also have a tendency to encounter times when my mouth works almost before my brain. But even in that, I control my speech. There are certain things I do not say. Ever. Are there things I say that maybe I shouldn't? Probably. Do I sometimes say things I later wish I hadn't said. Yes. Do I try harder next time? Yes. Do I need a preacher to get up on stage before me, mentally hold my hand, and tell me how I should be careful of the things I say? No. 

I already know to be careful of my speech because Scripture tells me to. I already have a restraint on me because my Lord, through His Word, says...

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 ESV


And that restraint lives within my heart and conscious. If I say something I shouldn't I know it and feel remorse for it. I know to watch my speech because Scripture tells me to, not because a preacher got up on stage, read a few verses, shared a few stories geared to tug at my human emotions, and said I should.

Likewise, I don't need a preacher to get up on a stage and tell me how to manage my money as a 'good 'christian' steward' because I already know, from Scripture, that nothing I own truly belongs to me. Everything I have is because the Lord allowed me to have it. I also know that all of the world belongs to the Lord and therefore all that is in the world belongs to Him. I don't need a preacher to give me a sermon on why I should manage my money well because doing so is good 'christian' stewardship. 

I know what the Scriptures say. I know, from the Lords Word, what is expected of me. Do I always do what is expected of me? I'm human. I fail. Are there times when I should have given money to someone and didn't? Are there times when I should have spent less on things of this world and invested more into people? Sure. It happens. Are there times that I buy something without giving a second thought to how the money I just spent could have been used for someone in need? Often. Are there times that I buy something and then regret it? Yes. I'm human. But I don't lavishly spend money. I don't have fancy cars, houses, clothes or jewelry. Does that justify anything? Not a single thing. 

My husband is fond of saying, 'we could live in a cardboard box under a bridge'. THAT is something I would not feel the least bit comfortable doing, for safety reasons, but I'm sure that if I did live in a cardboard box under a bridge I would still have too much of this world in that paper home.

There is a movement in America right now toward tiny homes. Supposedly some of those tiny houses are no bigger than a parking space. I have never actually seen a tiny home but the idea holds some sort of interest to me. My husband gets claustrophobic at the very thought of living in such a tiny home. I find the idea...intriguing. I highly doubt I would truly want to live in such a small space but there is some kind of appeal in the way the houses are made and in the imagining of how one might manage to live out their life in such a small space. I am sure, though, that that small space would get very old, very quick.

These tiny homes have become something of a trend. People claim that they save on utility bills and that living in a smaller space frees up money and time to focus on other things, things one wants to do. I'm sure they are right. Utility bills must go down when you live in a space the size of a parking space and how long can it take to clean such a small space. I can clean my living room in about twenty minutes, that sweeping, mopping, dusting, putting up anything that may have been left out, even washing walls and doors. My living room is bigger than many of these tiny homes. How long can cleaning one of them take? An hour?

So people move into these tiny homes to save money and time but the price of buying these parking lot sized homes is astronomical. One could live in such a tiny home and actually spend more money than if they simply lived in a normal house. Then, too, would come in the...pride...of owning such. Is there pride in living in a tiny home, in doing what many think they could not? Are they just as proud of their 100 square foot home as the person living in a 5000 square foot home is of theirs?

And guess what? There's a preacher out there somewhere that stands before his congregation on Sunday and preaches on the evils of pride. There is evil in pride but does the lesson he imparts on Sunday going to sink all the way into the hearts of the people sitting in his congregation? Or does it simply make them stop and think for a while?

Would a true Christian, a Christian that knows Scripture, need to sit in a 'church' and be told about the evils of pride so that they don't take pride in their home or their car or their...whatever? Or would they know not to be prideful because, 1) the Lord has changed their heart and removed most, if not all, of the pride they once felt, and 2) they know that pride is wrong, a sin, and they fight any hint of it in their life. 

Pride could be a sin for a Christian. I'm sure some struggle with it. Being a Christian doesn't take away our humanness, it just changes it. We are still human. We still stumble. We fall. We do wrong. But we don't need a preacher holding our hand and telling us, oh, so gently, that we are doing wrong. The Lord will do that.

But week after week, sermon after sermon, that is exactly what preachers in 'churches' do. They get up on a stage, standing before their loyal subjects, and mentally hold their hands, guiding them through things that if they were the Christian they claim to be they should already have at least a passing understanding of. And if they somehow don't understand those things, their changed hearts should guide them. 

Instead of seeing that in the Sunday 'Christians' though, we see people being led, gently, by their preachers. They learn to control their speech, if they learn at all, because their preacher tells them through a few verses and a lot of stories that they should control it. They learn to be good financial stewards because their preacher says they should. And the reality is that most of them don't really learn the lessons taught by their preachers. They are merely reined in until the lesson fades from their thoughts, replaced by the next feel good rule that gives them just enough of a challenge to motivate them to better behavior. That is, of course, unless the preacher should actually preach on something that they find too much of a challenge to give up. 

But the preacher knows that. He knows that his congregation is mired in the ways of the world. He may say that they are different from the world but he knows that they live as the world, even if he doesn't voice it. He knows it because there is no way to get past it. All he has to do is walk the aisles and hallways of his 'church' before or after a service, mingle with those there, listen to, or join, their talks of baseball games, kids dance classes, television shows, books, and whatever else they may speak of.

The preacher knows they live like the world, although he may not understand that they truly are just like the world. He may honestly believe that because they said a prayer, or did some other right of passage, that they are different than the world and that the right of passage that gave them 'salvation' has made them different. He may truly not understand that they are no different than the world they just lay claim to a difference that really does not make them different. And why might he not understand that? Because he was led, possibly his whole life, by preachers that got up on a stage and fed him bite sized bits of Scripture, twisted and changed, to form a certain idea or belief or to support a certain way of believing. These preachers taught him to be another one of them. He has had his hand held and his emotions manipulated and his mind altered to believe what they want him to believe. He most likely went to a special school, called a Seminary, to learn just how to manipulate those that he finds himself in charge of. He was taught that there is an art to preaching, that he must give them what they want so that they will come into his 'church'.

When I was in junior high I took a choir class. In that class we often sang a song about little boxes. I can't remember the name of the song but I can well remember the point to it, can even remember a good amount of the words. This song was about neighborhoods that all the houses are the same although they may be different colors. And about people that are all the same. Some may be doctors, some lawyers, some business men but they are all the same.

Preachers, with few exceptions, are all the same. They are like carbon copies of one another. Oh, they have differences, they teach and preach different things. Some are married, some aren't. Some have kids, some don't. Some have hair, some don't. Some are old, some are young. They may have different allegiances. Some are Baptist. Some Pentecostal. Some Methodist. But...they all, generally, are the same. Their goal is to bring the crowds in and keep them coming in. They need to boost numbers. Those numbers show up in the form of how many souls they 'won' and how much money comes through the offering plate. They boost attendance. They boost vacation Bible school attendees. They boost their missions contributions, missions trips, and outreach programs. But...they are the same. 

They stand before people week after week, giving watered down sermons that tug at the emotions, hit just enough nerves to make people feel pushed to step a tiny bit outside their comfort zones, but really asks nothing of them and does not tell them that they are perishing in their lives that look just like the rest of the world. These preachers have done their jobs and earned their pay if they keep their congregations from turning on one another, figuratively anyway. 

I read a news article a week or so ago about a preacher that preached against a certain sin. As he preached his congregation was so offended that he later said 50-75% of the congregation walked out of the service. Someone commented on that, saying that the preacher had weeded out the bad and now had the good in the audience. He could now proceed to preach to those that were the ones that should have been there in the first place. 

I wonder though, if that preacher had changed topics, taught on say why those that watch certain television shows are enjoying and promoting what the Lord hates...how many more would have walked out? If he had then gone on to tell them that the prayer they thought 'saved' them was nothing more than a delusion that will lead them straight to hell...how many more would walk out? If he had told them that their fancy house, their pretty clothes, their hobbies, their...earthly joys that they spend so much on...was covetousness and a sin...how many more would have walked out? How many 'weeds' could he have removed from his congregation? 

50-75% of his congregation walked out that day because he preached against something they supported. But he preached on one topic. He weeded out the 'bad' with a single sermon, on a single topic. What if he had gone through a whole list of sins? Would he have had anyone left in his congregation when he finished?

I once heard a reformed preacher say that he went somewhere to preach once. He was supposed to give a series of sermons. After the first sermon he was approached by the leaders of wherever he was and told that he would not be allowed to preach again. He had delivered a message that they did not agree with, a message that told them things they didn't want to hear most likely, and was told he had to leave.

People don't want preachers that tell them the truth. They don't want preachers that preach on hell and sin, although they might claim they do. They want preachers that stand before them week after week and gently guide them just enough to keep them from 'turning on one another'. They want preachers that give them a goal to work toward, a goal that makes them feel better about themselves and makes them feel that they are different because they do these 'christian' things.

They can be proud of themselves because they are 'christians' and they sacrifice certain things for their faith. They give their money, their time, may even learn to be more cautious in their choice of clothing, words, or entertainment. But it is a gentle reining in with a wide fence that keeps them corralled while still giving them plenty of room to enjoy the world. The forbidden things are out there but they are the things they generally don't want anyway.

Preachers are taught in Seminary how to learn the likes and demographics of their congregation and to preach to those things. Rich congregations require different preaching, different sermons, than poor ones. Inner city congregations require different sermons than country congregations. Mountain congregations require different sermons than ocean congregations. The people have different perspectives on life, different beliefs, different morals, and those things, preachers are taught, must be taken into consideration and preached to. 

Congregations are coddled where they are in their lives. If you have a 'church' that supports rescuing animals a preacher would never think of going into that 'church' and preaching about how animals have become huge idols for people. Likewise, a preacher would never walk into a 'church' that takes great pride in holding a 'fall festival' and preach on the evils of anything having any connection to Halloween.

Preachers in most 'churches' are simply giving a well thought out, even researched, sermon, designed to pander to his audience, sure as a plumber would not walk into a building and work on the computer system. A plumber knows his business and he sticks to plumbing. It keeps his clients happy and it keeps the building working properly. It would do him no good to connect kitchen sink plumbing up to a computer cord. It would create nothing but trouble for the computer and the kitchen plumbing and it would result in him losing his job. A preacher cannot walk into a 'church' where the congregation wants their hands held and their emotions touched and give them the gospel straight from the pages of Scripture. He would create confusion, upset, and would, most likely, eventually lose his 'job'.

So instead, they walk in, week after week, and give a gentle sermon that reins in his congregation for the next week. It keeps them in their 'christian' persona just enough to ensure they don't turn on each other. It restrains them from living in complete sin. It slows them down, settles them a bit, and lets them believe that they have been stretched as 'christians'.  

Scripture told us that would happen...repost

The nonprofit Council for Contemporary Families reported that ‘AT the end of the 1950’s if you chose 100 children under age 15 to represent all children, 65 would have been living in a family with married parents, with the father employed and the mother out of the labor force. Only 18 would have had married parents who were both employed. As for other types of family arrangements, you would find only one child in every 350 living with a never-married mother!”

Reading those statistics is nearly mind boggling in light of our American culture and the statistics we have today. I don’t know exactly what those statistics are but I know that roughly one out of every two marriages end in divorce and we have ever growing numbers of babies being born to never-married and unmarried women.

The same report also stated that, “Today among 100 representative children, just 22 live in a married male-breadwinner family, compared to 23 living with a single mother (only half of whom have ever been married). Seven out of every 100 live with a parent who cohabits with an unmarried partner (a category too rare for the Census Bureau to consider counting in 1960) and six with either a single father or with grandparents but no parents.”

Those numbers are very nearly staggering and yet I wonder…what family situations aren’t even taken into consideration? How many children live with someone other than a parent or grandparent? How many claim to live with parents but live elsewhere? And where are the statistics of the 15 year olds raising children? Are they, the 15 year olds, numbered among the children or the parents?

A number of months ago I had someone tell me how vital the nuclear family is. This person pointed to the Bible and the ‘importance’ God places on the dad, mom, kids family to support their point. I am not now, nor did I then, discount the importance of parents in a child’s life. I’m not discounting the importance of a dad and a mom in a child’s life. But..just as I pointed out to the person telling me that, I must point out now…Scripture gives us many examples of families that never mention both parents. We are shown children of widows, prostitutes, even children whose dad’s made them leave home (Ishmael).

The nuclear family is important, there’s no doubt about that, but Scripture doesn’t show us that it is the vital state of raising children.

My husband can offer things to our children that I just can’t. I can’t teach our son to be a man because I don’t know what it’s like to be a man. I can’t give him the kind of male attention that he seems to need because I’m not a man. I can’t give our daughters what my husband can. There’s a reason for the term, ‘daddy’s little girl’. Girls experience something with a dad that they don’t get from a mom. But I can offer our children something that my husband can’t. It’s a balance. We both bring things to our children that the other can’t give them. And together we give our children something that they would not have without having the two of us as parents.

Grandparents give children something that parents can’t give them. A perfect example of this is the way a child wants to eat when at their grandparent’s house. Even if that child isn’t hungry, let them go to grandma and grandpa’s and they will be starving. There is something special about the food at grandparent’s homes that food in their own homes just doesn’t have. One of my sisters used to look forward to going to our grandparents house because she loved to eat ‘mayonnaise sandwiches’ while she was there. Those sandwiches were exactly what they sound like…mayonnaise on bread. Nothing special to it and nothing we didn’t have on hand all the time at home. But, oh, the joy she got in eating something most would consider nasty while at grandma and grandpa’s.

There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child and no matter the child’s home situation, all children are raised, in a sense, by the community around them and the extended family that play a role in their lives.

How many children model their lives after their favorite aunt or the great grandpa they barely remember but whose stories make him sound like hero material? How many children look down on their parents because they inforce rules that the child doesn’t want to live with but hold the neighbor in high regard?

I have heard many people speak of the downfall of America, have heard just as many talk of how the disintegration of the family has contributed, or outright caused, that downfall. The person that told me how important the nuclear family is also told me that it doesn’t make any difference if the dad is good or bad just so long as a child has one. And if the dad is going to be out of the home for any length of time then the family is destroyed because there is no dad physically present.

I would be the first person to admit that a dad plays an important part in a child’s life. But I’d also be one of the first standing up for the fact that children can, and do, thrive in any family situation. There are many children living in foster care that are better off with the single foster mother than they were with their biological mom and dad. There are children that live with both their biological parents that must watch their parents harm each other and even the children, and some of that harm comes only in the form of words.

I must ask…how much does the child gain when they say…’Daddy hits mommy and mommy cries’…I heard that come straight from the mouth of a toddler.

I’m not aiming to support anything with this. My goal isn’t to write in favor of any family dynamic, although there are some that I would write against. My intent in writing this is to think of how the Lord has allowed and made the dynamics of family change throughout time.

My sister and I have spoken often in the past of how much more important marriage was in the 1800’s and before. Of how men and women in those days literally needed one another to survive. Often the men didn’t know how to care for the house and the children, and if they did know how they were too busy working outside the home, even if that work was in their own fields within sight of home, and providing for the needs of their family, to be able to take care of the house and the children. During the same time women had very limited options for earning money to be able to provide for the needs of their families if they didn’t have a husband or other male relative to provide for them.

Life often required the partnership of two different people to be able to care for a house and the members of the family that resided there. Men had one job, women another. They had roles within the family and those roles were important.

Not all that far from somewhere I used to live was a historic village. In that village was a log cabin that had survived from the 1800’s. I have been inside that cabin. It is small and sparsely furnished, with only one room and a loft area. There is a very interesting story behind that cabin…rather, there is an interesting story behind the family that lived in that cabin. The cabin belonged to a man that was a widower with six children. I don’t know how long he was widowed or how he came to be widowed. All I know of their story starts with the fact that the man was widowed and had six children. Finding himself alone to care for six children he went…somewhere…and came home with a wife, a woman that was widowed and had six children of her own.

He moved her and her children into his cabin, that one room cabin with a loft, and they not only raised their 12 children there, together, but they had six more children together. And they all lived in that one room cabin.

I loved that story the moment I heard it. There was just something special about the life that family lived. Today, I can’t remember the name of the family but I sure remember their story.

And I think of the hand that worked behind the scenes to bring it all about. I don’t know the condition of the wife’s first marriage. Did she love that first husband? Or did she marry him out of need? Was he good to her or did he abuse her? Did she grieve when he died? Or was she grateful to be free of him? I don’t know any of that but I know that she had to marry that first husband to have those six children. Children the Lord obviously wanted to be born.

I could ask the same questions about the husband and his first wife. Did he love her? Was he devastated at her death? Those are questions I have no way of knowing, there may well be no one that knows those answers left to answer them. But I do know that just as with his second wife, the events that happened did so because the Lord wanted them to happen.

And the Lord wanted the six children born to that couple after their first spouses died to be born. There was a purpose far beyond what that family probably ever saw to the life that they lived. And there was a hand that controlled it all.

The person that told me of the importance of a dad in the family unit, an importance I’m not disputing, spoke of the dad as if the children cannot thrive and grow into what they should be without the dad there, even if he is a bad dad. But in families where there is no dad…the Lord placed those children there.

The statistics that I gave above…in the 1950’s the families were the way they were because the Lord made them be that way. And the statistics of today…the families are the way they are because the Lord has made them that way.

Sin has grown and multiplied among the human population so that things have grown worse and worse on earth. Scripture told us that would happen. Things have become evil. Scripture told us that would happen. Children are hurt and left to live in less than ideal situations…because of the evil sinfulness that permeats the human hearts…a sinfulness that is growing rampant like an epidemic.

Scripture told us that would happen.

I have even been told that there is a war against the family.

Scripture told us that there would be wars. Whether one of those wars is an undeclared, but no less real, war on the family or not…

Scripture told us it would happen.

The Lord had a plan for mankind before he created the world and that plan is being worked out day by day, person by person, in the lives of each and every person ever created because the Lord’s hand is controlling it all so that His plan can be fulfilled to the very end.

Scripture told us that would happen.

Death is a lesson I did not want to learn

In the weeks that have passed since my mother's death I have learned much. Death has a way of slapping us in the face with all that's important and showing us just what isn't important. Scripture tells us that when it warns us that the days are short and the time is evil, when we are told our lives are but a vapor. Reading it in Scripture and understanding with my mind, though, is not quite the same thing as understanding with my heart.

Death...

Is incomprehensible.

Horribly painful.

And completely eye opening.

I have learned that in the last 3 1/2 weeks but now I once again face death. As I struggle through the loss of my mother...

My grandmother is hovering somewhere between life and death. Here but not quite here. Her last days are upon us. We do not know the hour or the minute the Lord has appointed for her final breath but we know that time is quickly coming.

She is fading fast, going downhill with a steadiness that can almost be seen in minute by minute increments of time. We are forced to watch her hold on while wanting to keep her badly and wishing the Lord would use time to spare her agony in these final moments of life.

And I am forced to see and learn yet more of life, and death, than I ever wanted to know. Death has marked me in a way that has left me forever changed.

I remember the moment that I realized I was now an orphan. That knowledge came less than 48 hours after my mother left this earth. Now as I wait, almost with baited breath, for my Grandmother to leave us, too, I face thoughts and a new normal that will never be normal again.

The two women that have had the most profound influence on my life have left me, one through death, one through alzheimer's that will soon be death also. I thought I was ready for my grandmother to pass from this life into eternity. We have watched her steadily decline for years. But...I'm not ready.

I thought I was.

I was wrong.

My grandmother hasn't been my grandmother for a very long time and yet...she's still my grandmother. Her mind is lost to me but she is still here with me. I can still touch her. I can hug her. I can tell her I love her.

And the moment is coming when that will no longer be possible.

I'm not ready for that moment but I know it's coming. I must face it. I must get through it. My grandmother taught me much in life and a lot of what I am is because the Lord used her to make me this way. I know that. I see much of her in me. She was even the first person to teach me the Truths of Scripture. I owe her a debt I can never repay.

I owe them both debts I can never repay.

And I know they wouldn't want me to. The only payment they ever wanted was love. We all shared years and years of love and because of these two women, women that live on in me, I am here. The Lord used them to give me life.

Just yesterday I had two women, both of whom have been a huge part of my life, both of whom have lost their mother, tell me that I am the closest thing to a mom that they have now. Hearing them say that was an honor to me. I am to them what my mother and grandmother were to me.

Life truly is a circle, one generation comes and goes and the next generation steps into place. In my case, two generations will soon be gone, but I am here as is the generation under me. The circle continues. The Lord's plan keeps playing out. It's His story to write and He is writing it well.

I do not know what He has in store for my future but I do know that He has it all planned out. I must simply live it and wait to see how He has written it for me. I also know that He is using this moment in time to teach me lessons that life never taught me.

I lost my mother with no warning. I am losing my grandmother moment by moment and I must somehow find it in myself to turn her lose. To let her go.

The shock of death was horrible. The agony of finding a way to say, "it's okay. You can leave us." is no less horrible.

Death is a lesson I did not want to learn.

What death taught me

Life is fragile, so very fragile. I've thought it many times before, even marveled at how fragile we are while being nearly indestructible. The Lord did a mighty work when He created humans.

We come into this world so helpless, so defenseless and no matter how weak or strong we are, we are always helpless and defenseless before God. He holds our very lives in His hands.

And we take life for granted.

In Scripture we are told to redeem the time for the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16) and that life is but a vapor, here today, gone tomorrow.

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make a profit.” 14You do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  James 4:13-14

We are here but for a very short amount of time and yet we live each day as though our days will never end. Not all that long ago I had the thought that the world just goes on. No matter what happens, no matter how huge or great or awful a thing in 'your' life happens...the world just goes on. Even when death happens, life goes on for everyone, even for those that hurt the most. The world doesn't stop. Time doesn't stop.

I thought that before death taught me how true it is.

It's been just under three weeks since death intruded into my life. It didn't come gently or as an expected visitor but came crashing in suddenly. It was sneaky. It came silently while we were all deluded in the belief that life would keep going.

Sure, I knew that death could happen. I often say or think that we are all on a collision course with death. That from the moment of our conception we are dying. Slowly. Quietly. Ever so subtly. We are always dying. Our days are here but for such a short time and once a moment is past, we can never get it back.

I knew that.

But death taught me to understand it.

Death slipped into my comfortable world. It shook up my innermost being. It turned my life upside down and left me reeling. It ripped something precious out of my hands, out of my heart, and now I am left with all the memories, good and bad, and the longing for just a little bit longer with someone I dearly loved.

I would like a do-over. A chance to fix the broken places. The ability to relive the perfect ones. I'd like one more hug. Another phone call. And I would love the chance to say all the things I didn't say. Not because I couldn't have said them but because life is deluding and I never thought my time with my loved one would end so abruptly.

My mother.

Gone in an instant.

With all but no warning. She was yanked from my life, from our lives, and we are all left reeling in the aftermath. Questions like, 'how can she be gone', fill even my mind and heart even though I am constantly reminding myself that it was her time to go, that she had lived out the Lord's plan for her on earth. I take comfort in knowing that this, even this, is in His hands, and yet...

I am human and I hurt.

I seek for answers that are not there, only the knowledge that her appointed time on earth is up. I long for comfort that does not come because the comfort I seek is her presence. I looked into the faces of her children and grandchildren and remind myself that we all live because the Lord used her to give us life.

And like some kind of crazy roller coaster...her loss hits in waves of happy memories and despairing pain. She is lost to us forever.

What death taught me...

Is that we are never safe from death. We go about our lives, so caught up in the daily tasks, and do not see the hourglass slowly running out of sand that dangles just above our heads. Death taught me that we are all ticking time bombs and that the only chance we have to live and love is right now.

This moment.

This moment is all that matters because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. This moment. It's all that we have.

What death taught me is that those moments slip by without us realizing how precious they really are. I remember my last moments with my mother. My last days. Oh, the joy we had in that visit. And I see it now for what it was, a true blessing, a miracle of time, and for what I didn't know it was...one last visit with my mother before the Lord removed her from my life.

What death taught me....

Is that there are no do-overs. We can't go back and say what we wish we had said. That hindsight really is 20/20 and in looking back, and talking with others, life paints a picture that I couldn't see through my own eyes in the moment as I lived that moment.

What death taught me is that what I think things are probably aren't really the way they are. And that grace takes on a whole new meaning when paired against the reality of death.

It has taught me that I will never regret spending time with someone but I will regret all the time I did not spend with them. I will never regret appreciating someone while I have them but I will regret taking them for granted and not seeing what I had until after it's gone and it's too late to get it back.

What death taught me is that I will long to have said more kind and gentle words and will regret any harsh or even semi-harsh words. Death taught me that life...is precious and that we should appreciate all our loved ones for the miracles that they are and see that we are blessed to be a part of their life. And to have them in ours.

What death taught me is...

Love.

Love is what matters.

Love is what makes the world go round.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 esv

Love is the greatest commandment and it is so fragile, so fleeting. Here today, gone tomorrow. Because life is fragile. Here today, gone tomorrow. 

What death taught me is to treasure the moments because life is but a vapor and those we love won't always be here. 

Women are being cheated...repost

Women are being cheated

It never fails to amaze me how things often come together to show us something, teach us something, or in today's case for me, lead me to write about something.

Just this morning I read an article on foster parenting. The article in itself was both profound and extremely simple. There was little to the article other than trying to help people see where all the foster kids come from and where they are in the daily goings on of life. The big point seemed to be that behind every drug raid, car accident, fire, domestic battle, and arrest there is often a child that must be cared for, an innocent child that may have nowhere else to go but to a foster home.

The other aspect of that article was to try and show people how they can help those foster kids, and explaining that helping them doesn't always come in the form of fostering them. The article gave a list of things to do for foster parents that will help the whole family taking in the child...take them dinner, go shopping for the family, help provide the things that child needs, etc...

This morning was also the result of a couple of things in my own life that got me to thinking about...well, things. My husband and I had a couple of conversations, one about something he enjoys doing in his down time. A conversation that is fairly regular around here but for some reason today that conversation struck me the wrong way. It rubbed against feelings and upset me. I don't think my husband is aware of that...he will be when he reads this though. But this morning that conversation came very close to making me cry.

Why?

I have no idea. I can only say that I'm at a point in my life where thoughts and feelings sometimes get the better of me for absolutely no reason at all.

Almost immediately after that conversation I saw one of those Arminian 'Christian' poster things. This one was about "I" asked God for this and He said 'No'. There was a long list of things that 'I' supposedly asked God for most of which made no sense...things like asking God for more faith only to be told 'no' that He will not supply more faith that it is our place to develop more faith. At the very end of this paragraph it said 'I' asked God to love other people more deeply and God said...something to the effect of 'finally you asked for the right thing' then it went on to say something like treasure these moments.

And not long after that my grown daughter text me out of the blue. I called her back, disrupted her at her work, and got to hear her voice. It was a precious moment that made my morning just because I got to hear her voice.

Then came the second conversation with my husband, this one instigated by me. There is a huge company, a company that seems to have their hand in everything, raking in millions (or more) every year, that is now trying to promote an agenda in the children's movies they make. There latest...stunt...hit the news this last week and has had many people up in arms, some vowing to boycott the company, some vowing to have nothing to do with the latest stunt, and others...others supporting this move or claiming its a way to discuss certain issues with their kids. But today I saw a woman promoting a secondary company that is owned by this huge company and wondered if this woman knew what she was promoting. Then I wondered what I might have dealings with that I may not know this company owns. So I looked it up and found out that this huge company owns far more than I thought they did. Not that it really matters.

But I went and shared some of what I learned with my husband. That got us started on a conversation where my husband pointed out that all these companies, all the people that hate God, will promote sinful things just because those sinful things fill their hearts. And they will want everyone to embrace what they love.

I agree with that. But the conversation moved on from there and my husband said that those same people hate women not working. And they do. Oh, how they do. I can't count the number of times I have had someone say something derogatory or make faces that clearly told me their thoughts when they found out I am a stay at home wife and mother. Some women simply say 'I could never do that' and others...well, others say lots of other things. I've even been asked why in the world I would ever want to do that. And just about every one of those encounters has come from other women.

I've had relatives tell me that my money belongs to my husband and that my car isn't my car it's my husbands car. Now, technically, my car is registered to my husband but then...my husbands vehicle is registered to me, so... what does any of that mean? And why do people not see that husbands and wives own all together? Why don't they see that's whats mine belongs to my husband and what's his belongs to me? Why the division in marriage in any way? Why not see a married couple as a unit and not as a 'that belongs to your husband'? My husband doesn't think of our car as his car even though it's registered to him...he calls it my car. And he doesn't think of his vehicle as mine even though it is registered to me...he calls it his. And the money he provides us...he calls it ours, unless it's in my possession and then he calls it mine. So why do other people, people who really have no business in our personal life, refer to it as anything else?

Because there is an agenda. A push by people and companies to want women working outside the home, to want people to put there kids in day care and public school, to want...well, something that they want for all people because they have some idea of that's how things should be and they base their ideas on nothing more than their own thought of what is right and wrong.

And in the midst of all this that has happened in little over two hours I sat down to look at a magazine that came in the mail the other day and I haven't taken the time to look at yet, in fact, I had to hunt it down when I decided to look at it. I didn't even know where it was.

And there inside the front page was a note from the woman that puts out this magazine, her own personal ministry, telling of how she was only able to publish one magazine last year despite her intent to publish no less than four a year because they publish when donations allow and last year the money just didn't come in. Then she told of how they had had four weddings in their family in the last year and how important she thinks it is to have all the family involved in weddings because friends will come and go in a persons life but your kids will one day look at pictures of family and be thrilled to see how aunt or uncle has changed over the years.

When I turned the page, the first article in the magazine was written by a woman that started her story by saying she has kids in age from five to adult and that she had lunch with her grown son just the other day and wiped food out of his beard. Than she marveled at the fact that he had a beard and said it was just yesterday that she washed peanut butter off his face. And now the little boy that vowed to live with her forever is married and has a beard.

And I thought of my grown daughter, the daughter that I spoke to this morning, and of my son, the son that used to tell me he was going to marry me when he grows up.

And I thought of all the other things, all the million and one things, that add up in a day. Do those women that told me they could never be a stay at home mom realize that their little boys are falling in love with 'teachers' at day care and imagine marrying them instead of their mommy...not that any son should marry his mother but it is a natural part of little boyhood that is there and gone in the blink of an eye. Do the women that turned up their nose at the idea of spending every day with their family know the feeling of their preteen daughter sitting beside them on the couch, cuddling up close, just to talk to mom for a few minutes, do they know the joy of a day spent reading books, playing games, or even watching movies? Are those women there when the storms rage and their kids seek shelter in their lap? Are they there to go outside and watch the pouring rain or see their child's joy at playing in the rain?

Are those women that say they could never be a stay at home wife there to experience the joy of greeting her husband when he comes home from work? Are they there to do the things for him that make his life a little bit easier as he works to take care of her? Do they know the joy, contentment, and appreciation of knowing her husband is working hard, fighting the elements, dealing with people, so that she doesn't have to? Do they know the satisfaction brought when her husband thanks her for doing the things he doesn't have time to do? And do they know the joy of just being available whenever her husband wishes to spend his time with her?

Those are all little things, little moments, things that can easily be passed over or not even realized as we go about the course of our day. All the smiles, the hands to hold, faces to wipe, coats to button, shoes to tie, lunches to make, and cups of coffee to refill are so easily passed by as a woman 'could never do that' and so she spends her day working at some job, doing a million other things, and doing it all for someone that can and will replace her when the time is right. And it all happens while her kids idolize a teacher or friends mom, while their husband comes home to an empty house...while all the little moments of their family pass by without them knowing.

I used to work in a daycare, many, many years ago, and was told that I was never to tell a parent when their child took their first steps. We were to keep absolutely silent about that so that the parents could see their 'first' steps themselves. Only it was an allusion because that baby took it's first steps while with me. I witnessed that amazing moment in parenthood...to someone elses child. I dried tears, washed faces, tied shoes. I doctored owies, soothed nightmares, and rocked sick babies. Because mommy 'couldn't do that'. And because mommy couldn't do that she missed out on the baby that held onto my hair as it fell asleep, in seeing her baby smile for the first time, learn to crawl, learn to walk. In getting the steady stream of flowers from a child whose heart is trying to make the person they love happy. I got the colored pictures, the little hands in mine, and all the other little 'nothing' moments that make up a day in the life of a child.

And as I think of all those things, of all the kids that I played mommy to and of my own children and all the moments I shared with them. As I think of all the moments I've shared with my husband because I was home to share them....granted I get more moments than most because my husband works from home...I think of how empty life would be if I 'couldn't do that'.

And 'that' is what women are supposed to be. 'That' is what the Lord made us to be. "That'' is what we were created to be. I've never been a career woman, never wanted to leave my family so I could work. I've always longed to be 'that' wife, 'that' mom. And I can't imagine the emptiness that must come to those women that could never be 'that' mom, or 'that' wife.

Yet those very women, the women that miss out on so much with their husbands and children, try to tell me that I should give it all up to have what they have...I could have it all too. Only I do have it all. I have all the moments they never get. What satisfaction do they have when their boss congratulates them on a job well done? What enjoyment do they get at knowing they did their job well today? What fun do they have in their work meetings or parties?

Is it all enough to know that someone else saw their child's first real steps? Is it enough to know that another woman got the bouquet of flowers their child picked and that she was the one sharing their child's tea party? Was it enough to know that today someone else dried their child's tears and rocked them to sleep?

Or was it enough to offset the fact that their husband picked their kids up from school and their entire family came home to an empty house? Was it enough to know that when her husband wants time with her...she's too tired to give it? Or she has to focus on some project for work?

But then...some of those people that 'could never do that' also want me to believe that having a husband and children is a detriment to being happy and fulfilled. There are women out there that truly believe that, that push that on other women. And there are companies out there that put that into their products, fill their movies, songs, and books with it.

The thing is...all those people miss out on what's truly important, while they reject what the Lord says is right, they miss out on the baby smiles, the first steps, the thank you's for the cups of coffee, the conversations, the hugs, kisses, cuddles and love.

Look at all the things that women are cheated out of because they have bought into the lies of 'I could never do that' or even the agenda to make women think that being a wife and mother is somehow demeaning, even to the point of turning women into slaves. It's such a HUGE lie and those poor women don't see it. They are being cheated out of the greatest part of being a woman.

While women march in the streets, complain and proclaim to anyone that will listen that they are being treated as second class citizens, while they demand equal pay and equal rights...women are cheated out of the greatest part of being a woman.