We come into this world so helpless, so defenseless and no matter how weak or strong we are, we are always helpless and defenseless before God. He holds our very lives in His hands.
And we take life for granted.
In Scripture we are told to redeem the time for the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16) and that life is but a vapor, here today, gone tomorrow.
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make a profit.” 14You do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:13-14
We are here but for a very short amount of time and yet we live each day as though our days will never end. Not all that long ago I had the thought that the world just goes on. No matter what happens, no matter how huge or great or awful a thing in 'your' life happens...the world just goes on. Even when death happens, life goes on for everyone, even for those that hurt the most. The world doesn't stop. Time doesn't stop.
I thought that before death taught me how true it is.
It's been just under three weeks since death intruded into my life. It didn't come gently or as an expected visitor but came crashing in suddenly. It was sneaky. It came silently while we were all deluded in the belief that life would keep going.
Sure, I knew that death could happen. I often say or think that we are all on a collision course with death. That from the moment of our conception we are dying. Slowly. Quietly. Ever so subtly. We are always dying. Our days are here but for such a short time and once a moment is past, we can never get it back.
I knew that.
But death taught me to understand it.
Death slipped into my comfortable world. It shook up my innermost being. It turned my life upside down and left me reeling. It ripped something precious out of my hands, out of my heart, and now I am left with all the memories, good and bad, and the longing for just a little bit longer with someone I dearly loved.
I would like a do-over. A chance to fix the broken places. The ability to relive the perfect ones. I'd like one more hug. Another phone call. And I would love the chance to say all the things I didn't say. Not because I couldn't have said them but because life is deluding and I never thought my time with my loved one would end so abruptly.
My mother.
Gone in an instant.
With all but no warning. She was yanked from my life, from our lives, and we are all left reeling in the aftermath. Questions like, 'how can she be gone', fill even my mind and heart even though I am constantly reminding myself that it was her time to go, that she had lived out the Lord's plan for her on earth. I take comfort in knowing that this, even this, is in His hands, and yet...
I am human and I hurt.
I seek for answers that are not there, only the knowledge that her appointed time on earth is up. I long for comfort that does not come because the comfort I seek is her presence. I looked into the faces of her children and grandchildren and remind myself that we all live because the Lord used her to give us life.
And like some kind of crazy roller coaster...her loss hits in waves of happy memories and despairing pain. She is lost to us forever.
What death taught me...
Is that we are never safe from death. We go about our lives, so caught up in the daily tasks, and do not see the hourglass slowly running out of sand that dangles just above our heads. Death taught me that we are all ticking time bombs and that the only chance we have to live and love is right now.
This moment.
This moment is all that matters because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. This moment. It's all that we have.
What death taught me is that those moments slip by without us realizing how precious they really are. I remember my last moments with my mother. My last days. Oh, the joy we had in that visit. And I see it now for what it was, a true blessing, a miracle of time, and for what I didn't know it was...one last visit with my mother before the Lord removed her from my life.
What death taught me....
Is that there are no do-overs. We can't go back and say what we wish we had said. That hindsight really is 20/20 and in looking back, and talking with others, life paints a picture that I couldn't see through my own eyes in the moment as I lived that moment.
What death taught me is that what I think things are probably aren't really the way they are. And that grace takes on a whole new meaning when paired against the reality of death.
It has taught me that I will never regret spending time with someone but I will regret all the time I did not spend with them. I will never regret appreciating someone while I have them but I will regret taking them for granted and not seeing what I had until after it's gone and it's too late to get it back.
What death taught me is that I will long to have said more kind and gentle words and will regret any harsh or even semi-harsh words. Death taught me that life...is precious and that we should appreciate all our loved ones for the miracles that they are and see that we are blessed to be a part of their life. And to have them in ours.
What death taught me is...
Love.
Love is what matters.
Love is what makes the world go round.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 esv
Love is the greatest commandment and it is so fragile, so fleeting. Here today, gone tomorrow. Because life is fragile. Here today, gone tomorrow.
What death taught me is to treasure the moments because life is but a vapor and those we love won't always be here.
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