It never fails to amaze me how things often come together to show us something, teach us something, or in today's case for me, lead me to write about something.
Just this morning I read an article on foster parenting. The article in itself was both profound and extremely simple. There was little to the article other than trying to help people see where all the foster kids come from and where they are in the daily goings on of life. The big point seemed to be that behind every drug raid, car accident, fire, domestic battle, and arrest there is often a child that must be cared for, an innocent child that may have nowhere else to go but to a foster home.
The other aspect of that article was to try and show people how they can help those foster kids, and explaining that helping them doesn't always come in the form of fostering them. The article gave a list of things to do for foster parents that will help the whole family taking in the child...take them dinner, go shopping for the family, help provide the things that child needs, etc...
This morning was also the result of a couple of things in my own life that got me to thinking about...well, things. My husband and I had a couple of conversations, one about something he enjoys doing in his down time. A conversation that is fairly regular around here but for some reason today that conversation struck me the wrong way. It rubbed against feelings and upset me. I don't think my husband is aware of that...he will be when he reads this though. But this morning that conversation came very close to making me cry.
Why?
I have no idea. I can only say that I'm at a point in my life where thoughts and feelings sometimes get the better of me for absolutely no reason at all.
Almost immediately after that conversation I saw one of those Armenian 'Christian' poster things. This one was about "I" asked God for this and He said 'No'. There was a long list of things that 'I' supposedly asked God for most of which made no sense...things like asking God for more faith only to be told 'no' that He will not supply more faith that it is our place to develop more faith. At the very end of this paragraph it said 'I' asked God to love other people more deeply and God said...something to the effect of 'finally you asked for the right thing' then it went on to say something like treasure these moments.
And not long after that my grown daughter text me out of the blue. I called her back, disrupted her at her work, and got to hear her voice. It was a precious moment that made my morning just because I got to hear her voice.
Then came the second conversation with my husband, this one instigated by me. There is a huge company, a company that seems to have their hand in everything, raking in millions (or more) every year, that is now trying to promote an agenda in the children's movies they make. There latest...stunt...hit the news this last week and has had many people up in arms, some vowing to boycott the company, some vowing to have nothing to do with the latest stunt, and others...others supporting this move or claiming its a way to discuss certain issues with their kids. But today I saw a woman promoting a secondary company that is owned by this huge company and wondered if this woman knew what she was promoting. Then I wondered what I might have dealings with that I may not know this company owns. So I looked it up and found out that this huge company owns far more than I thought they did. Not that it really matters.
But I went and shared some of what I learned with my husband. That got us started on a conversation where my husband pointed out that all these companies, all the people that hate God, will promote sinful things just because those sinful things fill their hearts. And they will want everyone to embrace what they love.
I agree with that. But the conversation moved on from there and my husband said that those same people hate women not working. And they do. Oh, how they do. I can't count the number of times I have had someone say something derogatory or make faces that clearly told me their thoughts when they found out I am a stay at home wife and mother. Some women simply say 'I could never do that' and others...well, others say lots of other things. I've even been asked why in the world I would ever want to do that. And just about every one of those encounters has come from other women.
I've had relatives tell me that my money belongs to my husband and that my car isn't my car it's my husbands car. Now, technically, my car is registered to my husband but then...my husbands vehicle is registered to me, so... what does any of that mean? And why do people not see that husbands and wives own all together? Why don't they see that's whats mine belongs to my husband and what's his belongs to me? Why the division in marriage in any way? Why not see a married couple as a unit and not as a 'that belongs to your husband'? My husband doesn't think of our car as his car even though it's registered to him...he calls it my car. And he doesn't think of his vehicle as mine even though it is registered to me...he calls it his. And the money he provides us...he calls it ours, unless it's in my possession and then he calls it mine. So why do other people, people who really have no business in our personal life, refer to it as anything else?
Because there is an agenda. A push by people and companies to want women working outside the home, to want people to put there kids in day care and public school, to want...well, something that they want for all people because they have some idea of that's how things should be and they base their ideas on nothing more than their own thought of what is right and wrong.
And in the midst of all this that has happened in little over two hours I sat down to look at a magazine that came in the mail the other day and I haven't taken the time to look at yet, in fact, I had to hunt it down when I decided to look at it. I didn't even know where it was.
And there inside the front page was a note from the woman that puts out this magazine, her own personal ministry, telling of how she was only able to publish one magazine last year despite her intent to publish no less than four a year because they publish when donations allow and last year the money just didn't come in. Then she told of how they had had four weddings in their family in the last year and how important she thinks it is to have all the family involved in weddings because friends will come and go in a persons life but your kids will one day look at pictures of family and be thrilled to see how aunt or uncle has changed over the years.
When I turned the page, the first article in the magazine was written by a woman that started her story by saying she has kids in age from five to adult and that she had lunch with her grown son just the other day and wiped food out of his beard. Than she marveled at the fact that he had a beard and said it was just yesterday that she washed peanut butter off his face. And now the little boy that vowed to live with her forever is married and has a beard.
And I thought of my grown daughter, the daughter that I spoke to this morning, and of my son, the son that used to tell me he was going to marry me when he grows up.
And I thought of all the other things, all the million and one things, that add up in a day. Do those women that told me they could never be a stay at home mom realize that their little boys are falling in love with 'teachers' at day care and imagine marrying them instead of their mommy...not that any son should marry his mother but it is a natural part of little boyhood that is there and gone in the blink of an eye. Do the women that turned up their nose at the idea of spending every day with their family know the feeling of their preteen daughter sitting beside them on the couch, cuddling up close, just to talk to mom for a few minutes, do they know the joy of a day spent reading books, playing games, or even watching movies? Are those women there when the storms rage and their kids seek shelter in their lap? Are they there to go outside and watch the pouring rain or see their child's joy at playing in the rain?
Are those women that say they could never be a stay at home wife there to experience the joy of greeting her husband when he comes home from work? Are they there to do the things for him that make his life a little bit easier as he works to take care of her? Do they know the joy, contentment, and appreciation of knowing her husband is working hard, fighting the elements, dealing with people, so that she doesn't have to? Do they know the satisfaction brought when her husband thanks her for doing the things he doesn't have time to do? And do they know the joy of just being available whenever her husband wishes to spend his time with her?
Those are all little things, little moments, things that can easily be passed over or not even realized as we go about the course of our day. All the smiles, the hands to hold, faces to wipe, coats to button, shoes to tie, lunches to make, and cups of coffee to refill are so easily passed by as a woman 'could never do that' and so she spends her day working at some job, doing a million other things, and doing it all for someone that can and will replace her when the time is right. And it all happens while her kids idolize a teacher or friends mom, while their husband comes home to an empty house...while all the little moments of their family pass by without them knowing.
I used to work in a daycare, many, many years ago, and was told that I was never to tell a parent when their child took their first steps. We were to keep absolutely silent about that so that the parents could see their 'first' steps themselves. Only it was an allusion because that baby took it's first steps while with me. I witnessed that amazing moment in parenthood...to someone elses child. I dried tears, washed faces, tied shoes. I doctored owies, soothed nightmares, and rocked sick babies. Because mommy 'couldn't do that'. And because mommy couldn't do that she missed out on the baby that held onto my hair as it fell asleep, in seeing her baby smile for the first time, learn to crawl, learn to walk. In getting the steady stream of flowers from a child whose heart is trying to make the person they love happy. I got the colored pictures, the little hands in mine, and all the other little 'nothing' moments that make up a day in the life of a child.
And as I think of all those things, of all the kids that I played mommy to and of my own children and all the moments I shared with them. As I think of all the moments I've shared with my husband because I was home to share them....granted I get more moments than most because my husband works from home...I think of how empty life would be if I 'couldn't do that'.
And 'that' is what women are supposed to be. 'That' is what the Lord made us to be. "That'' is what we were created to be. I've never been a career woman, never wanted to leave my family so I could work. I've always longed to be 'that' wife, 'that' mom. And I can't imagine the emptiness that must come to those women that could never be 'that' mom, or 'that' wife.
Yet those very women, the women that miss out on so much with their husbands and children, try to tell me that I should give it all up to have what they have...I could have it all too. Only I do have it all. I have all the moments they never get. What satisfaction do they have when their boss congratulates them on a job well done? What enjoyment do they get at knowing they did their job well today? What fun do they have in their work meetings or parties?
Is it all enough to know that someone else saw their childs first real steps? Is it enough to know that another woman got the bouquet of flowers their child picked and that she was the one sharing their childs tea party? Was it enough to know that today someone else dried their childs tears and rocked them to sleep?
Or was it enough to offset the fact that their husband picked their kids up from school and their entire family came home to an empty house? Was it enough to know that when her husband wants time with her...she's too tired to give it? Or she has to focus on some project for work?
But then...some of those people that 'could never do that' also want me to believe that having a husband and children is a detriment to being happy and fulfilled. There are women out there that truly believe that, that push that on other women. And there are companies out there that put that into their products, fill their movies, songs, and books with it.
The thing is...all those people miss out on what's truly important, while they reject what the Lord says is right, they miss out on the baby smiles, the first steps, the thank you's for the cups of coffee, the conversations, the hugs, kisses, cuddles and love.
Look at all the things that women are cheated out of because they have bought into the lies of 'I could never do that' or even the agenda to make women think that being a wife and mother is somehow demeaning, even to the point of turning women into slaves. It's such a HUGE lie and those poor women don't see it. They are being cheated out of the greatest part of being a woman.
While women march in the streets, complain and proclaim to anyone that will listen that they are being treated as second class citizens, while they demand equal pay and equal rights...women are cheated out of the greatest part of being a woman.
