Gone

This morning I watched something that wasn’t just disturbing it was painful. It was a video taken inside an abortion clinic. In the video a woman was asking questions about what would happen during the birth of the baby. What happens if it’s breathing? Will I have to take a baby home? Will I have to take care of it?

The doctors responses assured her everytime that if ‘it’ was born alive she wouldn’t have to take care of it, wouldn’t get into any trouble, that the baby would most likely be in pieces and would die but it might take a little while.

As a mother, as someone opposed to abortion, as a Christian…as a person, I can’t imagine ever having an abortion. But I tried to imagine what it would be like without those beliefs. If I wasn’t opposed to abortion… And I couldn’t imagine hearing the things that I heard in that video and being able to go through with an abortion.

We give a shot into your stomach to stop the heart.

There goes the whole it’s not a baby, it’s just tissue, argument. The doctor even called the baby a baby once or twice.

 It usually comes out in pieces.

Forget whether or not a person is a Christian. Forget whether or not they’re for or against abortion. How about compassion? How about human decency? Can you imagine having your body ripped or cut apart? Piece by piece. The doctor did say giving the optional shot to stop the heart is the best because it means they don’t suffer.

Really? They’re going to cut this very tiny baby into pieces or use strong suction to rip it apart and the shot to stop the heart first is optional. That shot is the closest thing to anesthetic those babies get, wrong as they are, and they’re optional.

Can you imagine living in a world where everything is comfortable, no hot, no cold, very little, if any, pain…then the excruciating pain of having your arms, legs, and any or all other body parts cut or ripped apart? And there’s no pain relief given.

There is no separating my beliefs from who I am, from how I think and react, but for this moment I’m trying hard to separate them just long enough to figure out where a person’s thoughts and heart would have to be to be okay with the scenario I just described.

I love babies. There’s just something wonderful about being able to hold one, about being given the chance to love and care for one. It’s not work, it’s not a curse, it’s not something to be dreaded, it’s a blessing, a privilege. My love for babies, without any other belief or thought, makes it impossible for me to be able to comprehend the idea of killing one. I can’t even imagine not wanting one and I sure can’t understand the pure evil that would lead a person to kill one.

My belief in my Lord would keep me from being able to understand or accept the idea of killing anyone much less an unborn baby. Not too long ago I wrote a post about Noah. In it I talked about babies and whether or not Noah or any of his family had a problem going into the ark and leaving all those babies outside. That question, those thoughts, came not from myself but from questions I had been asked. From people that had questioned how God could kill innocent babies, about what they had done to deserve dying.

The number of people that died during the flood is numbered in the millions (I saw a few estimates online that put it in the billions). Whatever the number was we can assume that only a percentage of them were babies. So…10%? 20? 50? Our population today doesn’t consist of 50% babies. Chances are the population before the flood didn’t either. It’s said that since 1973 there have been more than 50 million unborn babies killed by abortion in America.

How many of those people that question how God could kill innocent babies in the flood are directly responsible for some of those 50 million aborted babies? How many of them are responsible simply because they support abortion? I highly doubt there were 50 million babies killed during the flood, or any other Biblical plague or destruction of babies. Yet many of the people that blame God for the death of babies in the Bible see nothing wrong with killing unborn babies today.

I have a family member that has always been against abortion but has said many times that cases of rape justify an abortion.

I have to ask why?

Why would rape, as horrible as it is, justify killing a baby that is as much a victim as the mother is? Why does something horrible have to turn into something heinous?

Did the Lord put any exceptions on…“You shall not murder. Exodus 20:13…Nowhere in there did it say you shall not murder except for…

Unborn babies.

Cases of rape.

Inconvenience.

Your body figure.

Scripture actually tells us that children are a blessing, a heritage.

It doesn’t say that babies conceived in less than ideal situations are an exception to that. It doesn’t say that babies born out of rape are anything less than any other baby. I can’t help thinking of what it actually takes for a baby to be born as a direct result from rape. In an ongoing situation such as incest the chances are higher but in a one-time situation…the chance of a baby being conceived have to be quite low, so low as to be close to nonexistent. Not only does the woman have to be raped but it has to happen during a certain time period for her. What are the odds of that happening?

I have known a little girl that was the product of rape. She was biracial and very much loved. Her mother chose to keep her and as a result she was a blessing, not only to her mother but to her extended family as well. This mother, this family, went through something horrible, but out of it came something good.

How many babies are killed because the mother doesn’t want the reminder?

The number is actually pretty low according to something I read online. According to that article 86% of abortions are performed for convenience. That leaves 14% to be performed for medical, rape, and all other reasons.

Convenience kills a whole lot of babies.

I can’t, for even a second, separate my belief in the Lord from my opinions on what is right and wrong. I tried after watching that video to do that just long enough to figure out what it would take to see that kind of ‘procedure’ as okay.

I couldn’t do it.

No matter the circumstances of any baby’s conception, it’s still a baby. It was formed because the Lord wanted it to be.

I had two very short months with the baby that grew in my womb a couple of months ago. When I lost it I grieved for that baby. I still hurt for it. Think of how it would be developing now if it hadn’t died, of how I would be feeling those precious movements inside me. I can’t comprehend the thought process that would let a person…a mother…go in and have a baby removed from her body the way one would have a wart or other blemish removed.

If my life was in danger from carrying a child…I would not abort it.

If the doctor told me I would die if I have the baby…I would not abort it.

Life and death are in the Lord’s hands.

He is the only one with the right to decide who lives and who dies. If I gave my life to give life to my child then the Lord simply used that child to end my days on earth. I would give my life for any of my children, an unborn baby I carried would be no different.

And yet…the same place where I read there are 50 million dead babies because of abortion also said there are over 3,00 0 babies a day that die in abortion.

I remember well the shock and upset that happened as a result of Sept. 11, 2001. People everywhere were talking about it. They were hurt. They were angry. They were afraid. Once the death toll came in it staggered everyone. Laws were enacted to keep anything like that from happening again. People took precautions. They changed their lives.

And yet…more babies are killed every single day in America than the number of people killed on 9/11.

We’re told to remember those that gave their lives for our freedom, those that died in war for us. We have a holiday that sets aside one day a year for just such remembering.

And yet…the number of babies killed by abortion in America each year is roughly equal to the number of U.S. military deaths from all the wars combined.

Where is the holiday to remember those babies?

At least most of those soldiers were grown and the majority of them went into the military knowing what could happen. They chose to put themselves at risk.

Those babies did not.

But we honor the soldiers, remember their deaths. We have a holiday to remember those that died on 9/11.

Where is the holiday to remember the innocent babies?

Sin is rampant in our fallen world. Evil is excused. We put people in prison for selling drugs, send them to jail for not paying a parking ticket, give them fines for going fishing without a license or for riding in a car without a seatbelt. But…Every. Single. Day…we let women kill their babies.

And by many it is seen as a good thing. It’s excused. It’s overlooked. I’ve heard, and read that something like 90% of the American population claims to be a Christian. I’ve also read that the numbers are dropping and that 70 something percent of the American population claims to be Christian. So…if 70%-90% of Americans are ‘Christians’ than 70-90 percent of the 3,000 abortions performed every day are done on ‘Christian’ women.

Doctor’s don’t go around performing abortions on unwilling women. You have to sign a form, give your consent. These women walk into these clinics and ask to kill their babies. 70-90 percent of those women should have the basic understanding that doing so goes against the God they claim to believe in. They should know that it goes against what they supposedly believe. They should know…thou shall not kill.

And yet…they do it anyway.

Day after day, hour after hour, baby after baby, ‘Christian’ women are asking doctors to commit murder. If 3,000 abortions are done today in America and 70% of the women having them done are ‘Christian’ that’s 2,100 ‘Christian’ women that are violating the command to not murder.

It’s my understanding that thou shall not murder is one of the most widely understood and recognized ‘rules’ for being a Christian. People seem to understand that Christianity and murder don’t go together. But either a lot of the abortions done every day are done on ‘Christian’ women or the 10-30 percent of American women that don’t claim to be Christians are killing a huge number of babies.

I recently read an article where someone said they found more acceptance when they told people they were gay than they did when they said they were ‘Christian.’ My thought immediately went to the fact that if they were a homosexual than they couldn’t be a Christian. True Christians should be grieved by the sin of homosexuality. They should understand that God hates it and because He hates it they should too.

My thoughts are the same when I think about a ‘Christian’ woman having an abortion. Killing a baby is murder. There’s no way around that fact. Anyone that has thought about, considered or suggested an abortion has advocated murder.

I’ve heard of women that have had multiple abortions, heard of women that use it as a form of birth control. Pregnancy doesn’t have to mean a baby. It’s a procedure.

Is that what God thinks?

Is the Lord okay with murder? Is He okay with killing living newborn babies? Is he okay with abortions?

Many, many years ago there was a house in the town not far from where I lived that had painted the following question written in very large letters on their fence…

What if Mary had had an abortion?

I know now that there’s more to all of life, all of time, than what we can see here on earth. There’s a plan being worked out in our lives and in the lives of everyone through time to bring the Lord’s plan to fruition. Mary wouldn’t have had an abortion. She couldn’t have. Because she was specifically chosen by God to perform the task set out for her. The task given….to give life to Christ.

But in our day, the very nature of how she came to be expecting that baby would have been seen as a good reason to have an abortion.

Where would we be if she had?

I know it isn’t possible. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, have had an abortion. If she would have God would have chosen someone else to have his Son. I also know that the Lord allows the thousands of abortions that happen every day. For what reason we can’t know, but He does allow them.

But knowing that He allows it to happen doesn’t make the horror of what’s happening any less. It doesn’t make hearing things like what I heard on that video any easier. It doesn’t make me hurt for those babies any less.

My daughter’s all know I would gladly take and raise any child. They know I’d never refuse if offered a baby. A year or so ago we were driving past a field that had 3,000 pink and blue flags in it. Each flag was a representation of a baby that was killed by abortion every day. One of my young daughters asked me if I would take in all those babies if they were offered to me. Without hesitation I answered yes. She went on to ask me what we would do with so many babies. I don’t remember how I responded but I know my answer would be the same today as it was then.

Yes, I would willingly, happily, take in 3,000 babies today if it meant I could save them from abortion. There’s no way I could care for that many babies, even with the help of all of my family, but I would take them in, do the best we could.

Taking them in isn’t an option. Saving them from abortion isn’t an option. We are all given a certain number of days to live. For some reason those aborted babies are given only the days they have in the womb. Abortion is what is used to end their days.

The evil of abortion is impossible to understand for those of us that see it as wrong, as murder. Doctor’s that perform abortions are nothing short of serial killers. Nurses and assistants are nothing short of accomplices to murder. But it happens over and over.

It’s allowed by the Lord for some reason.

Why, we can’t know. As I write this…I’m struggling with knowing how to bring it to an end, struggling with what kind of title to give it. And as I write this I wonder if an abrupt ending isn’t the best way to go. Just cut it off in the midst of making a point, in the midst of writing, as those babies lives are cut off in the midst of living and growing.

They’re there one minute, oblivious to all the evil and pain of this world, and the next…GONE.

 

 

 

Are all religions as certain as 'Christians'?

“I wonder if all religions are as certain of what they believe as Christianity is?”

My daughter asked that question of me a while back. The answer was elusive and easy at the same time. Everyone believes in whatever belief they hold, be it religious or otherwise, and yet…

Here, was where I found answering her both easy and hard. I gave her an answer I have heard my husband say many times… “Everyone, no matter what they believe, believes they are going to heaven.” That part was easy. I assume there may be some people out there that will tell you they’re going to hell when they die…devil worshipers…satanic cults…maybe??...but truthfully I don’t know. Still I gave her the easy answer, one I’ve heard many times, because it was what came to mind, because I know this daughter backs off if the conversation gets too deep into Biblical talk.

So…everyone believes they’re going to heaven…easy answer. But my daughter stayed and the conversation continued. Years ago I wondered those same things, even went so far for a very brief time to wonder what if they’re right and I’m wrong. After all, different religions believe in totally opposite things and yet both claim to be going to heaven…or their version of it. So I understand her questions, understand the thoughts behind them, but giving her an answer to them becomes harder.

Is everyone in other religions as sure of their belief as Christians are? That was her original question but the answer isn’t easy. Even ‘Christians’ aren’t sure of their beliefs. At least the many professing ‘Christians’ aren’t. All it takes is a look at all the different types of ‘Christianity’ to see that. Some are firm in their belief in creation, some don’t believe in Genesis at all, some speak in tongues, others think speaking in tongues is from the devil. Some think musical instruments are wrong, others have no problems with complete bands.

Even salvation, or rather how a person comes to salvation, isn’t agreed upon by ‘Christians.’ I grew up in and out of Baptist ‘Churches’. They strongly advocate the sinners prayer. A while back I went to a Church of Christ ‘Church’. When it came time for the alter call there was no talk of saying any kind of prayer instead they spoke of baptism in the way I have always heard the sinners prayer used. My understanding was that in their ‘church’ to be saved you got baptized, you didn’t say a prayer.

There are so many different things that aren’t agreed upon by ‘Christians’, even their very salvation.

What I didn’t discuss with my daughter was where this certainty came from and how they came to be so certain. Those Baptist ‘Churches’ I grew up in assured everyone that if ever they had said ‘the prayer’ than they were saved. No questions. No doubts. They were certain you were saved and going to heaven.

My grandmother was the daughter of a Baptist preacher. She spent her entire life assured of her salvation because she had said the prayer. She was assured of my salvation because I said it when I was six. Not only did she take comfort in her salvation but she rejoiced when her grandchildren were ‘saved’. There was no need to worry about that grandchild’s salvation anymore. They were going to heaven. It didn’t matter if they were 30 when they said the prayer or 3. The prayer secured their place in eternity and she could rest easy.

I’m glad that she found that much comfort in it, especially in her later years, but it hurts that she spent her life secure in a belief that held no merit, that wasn’t Biblical. I’m sure there are a lot of Christians that at some point in their life said the prayer. The Lord has most likely saved many people not because they said the prayer but in spite of it. But many ‘Christians’ place their very lives on something that has no Biblical truth to it. They gamble their eternity on a prayer that isn’t in the Bible.

But they’re sure of their salvation.

They’re going to heaven.

It’s guaranteed.

And they live from that day, whatever day it is, forward, so sure that they will spend eternity in heaven. They saved themselves from hell and they can continue on in their lives secure that when their day comes they will go to heaven. They’re secure. Their insurance is paid, the premiums are up to date.

I deliberately choose to know little about other religions. I don’t feel the need to know what anyone else believes. My focus is on my Lord and Him alone. I don’t want even little bits of knowledge interfering with that.

When my daughter asked me if everyone was as sure in what they believed as Christians are that decision made answering her difficult because I don’t know enough about other religions to be able to answer for what they believe. All I could tell her was what my husband has told me many times…everyone is sure they’re going to heaven.

But the thought lingered with me…’Christians’ for all their certainty in their salvation can’t even agree on how to be ‘Christians’. If they can’t agree on how to be a ‘Christian’ how can they be sure of their salvation?

Most of them are basing their beliefs on a mix of half-truths, misunderstandings, and outright lies. If they come across something from Scripture that goes against their security they disregard it and often get angry that someone or something dared suggest that their salvation, their security, may not be as sure as they think it is.

And now, weeks after that conversation with my daughter, I still can’t answer her question…are they all as sure in what they believe as ‘Christians’ are? Are they? It would seem that they are, if for no other reason than the simple fact that ‘Christians’ aren’t even sure of how to be ‘christians’. If they can’t decide how to be ‘Christians’, how can they be sure of their belief in what they believe?

I’ve heard that many ‘Christians’ can’t even explain why they believe what they believe when someone asks them.

How can anyone be certain of anything if they can’t explain what it is they believe? And for those that can explain what they believe…what makes their brand of ‘Christianity’ the right one? If their brand is the ‘right’ brand and the person sitting next to them believes in a different brand of Christianity…which brand is the right one?

Which one bases their belief on Scripture and nothing but Scripture?

 

Completed in marriage

In a recent post (http://journeyingtochrist.blogspot.com/2015/05/marriage-by-book.html)  I wrote that a woman will follow her leader, that my husband leads and I follow. After my husband read that post he and I talked about it. He said that that trait in women can easily be seen. It can be seen in the women who ride motorcycles with their men, in the women that watch certain movies or listen to certain music because he does. My husband went on to say how it’s the way we’re designed.

As I thought over that, thought about just how much following is involved, I could easily see that following does seem to be deeply ingrained into women. It’s not just that we follow our husbands but that relationships in general are engaged in on a follow kind of basis.

I’m not a follower by nature. Put me in a group of people and I won’t be the one following along no matter what they’re doing. My sister and I have talked about disaster situations, about what would happen if… (we live in tornado alley). Those conversations were mainly a way to pass the time and enjoy visiting with each other but as we have talked about those things we both commented on what we thought the other would do in a situation like that. My sister is certain I would not be the one standing back waiting to be told what to do, nor would I be the one falling apart no matter how bad the situation was. She firmly believes I would be the one making plans and giving orders.

My sister, I believe, would be more likely to stand quietly in the crowd, not giving orders or telling others what to do, but she wouldn’t be following the crowd either. She has an interest in survival skills and would quietly put them to use, sharing her knowledge with those around her. We both agree that we would, in a survival situation, trust the other enough to follow each other.

When I was in my teens there was a lot of talk in my family about whether any given child was a leader or a follower. My youngest sister, it was easily decided, was a follower. My cousins were given their spots based on their personalities. There were leaders, followers, and the ones in between. Each child was then further labeled as the one likely to lead the group into trouble, follow along blindly, or abandon the group in order to keep themselves out of trouble.

That isn’t the type of following I’m talking about here. I am not a follower. Put me in a group of people and I may be the one sitting quietly in the back but when something comes along where the group is going to do something I’m not going to follow along. Put me in a situation where my survival, or that of my loved ones, is at jeopardy and I’ll be the one making decisions.

Unless I have a whole lot of trust in the other person.

I would have to know the other person well enough, to trust them deep enough, to know that they know what they’re talking about, what they’re doing, and to know that I can confidently place my life in their hands.

That’s what I did when I said ‘I do’ to my husband.

I handed my entire life into his hands. I entrusted myself to him. I, with those two little words, told him I trust him enough to let him lead. I told him I would be the follower.

I didn’t need to say it in words. I didn’t need to explain it. It is just the way it is. According to my husband, that is how women are designed.  We have had other conversations where he has said similar things, where he’s made similar observations.

I had someone tell me a couple of years ago that women don’t have the ability to separate reason and emotion. This person, who happened to be a man, said that if a woman was in a war zone and a small boy was riding into a group of people with a bomb strapped to his body that a woman wouldn’t be able to kill the boy because her emotions wouldn’t let her, that she couldn’t separate her reasoning from her emotions enough to act. He went on to say that a man would shoot the boy and feel remorse later.

Personally, I don’t think that’s a fair assessment. I think there are women that would kill the boy and men that couldn’t pull the trigger. But I understood the point he was making. This man went on to say that when a boy is developing in the womb there comes a point when testosterone floods the brain and disconnects the reasoning abilities from the emotional ones.

Is that true? I don’t know, I never researched it. But there was something else in that story that I do believe is true. It wasn’t anything he said, it was an underlying point that was made while he was not so subtly getting to the place where he said women were brain damaged because our reasoning couldn’t be separated from our emotions.

That man, in my opinion, made a good point while totally missing the point, if that makes sense. My husband and I have talked about that very point many times. It is the point where women are designed to be different than men. We were created a certain way, they were created a certain way.

There is no brain damage involved. No right or wrong. No good or bad. It isn’t an either or situation like that man tried to point out. There’s no brain damage in a woman simply because her emotions and her reasoning are connected. We are quite simply designed to be that way. The Lord created us to be that way. And there’s no brain damage involved because a man can separate his reasoning and his emotions.

I’ve wondered a few times as the need to discipline a child has come up if that doesn’t play a factor in my difficulty in being strict with my children. Whenever one of them is acting up, even if they’re being very disobedient or mean to another person, I simply find myself thinking about how I would feel if I were getting into that kind of trouble. It’s not that I can’t see that they need to be punished, I clearly see that, what I have trouble with is actually dishing out the punishment needed because I know that any punishment will be uncomfortable for them.

In those times…my emotions get in the way of my reasoning.

According to the man that pointed out that women can’t separate their emotions from their reasoning, women will react one way in any given situation and men another. He’s right about that. Everyone knows that to be the case. There will always be exceptions, always be differences in how one man (or woman) reacts verses how another would. Personalities, life experiences, beliefs…they all play a role in how a person responds. But the basic design of men and women places us in a spot where we will react to any given situation based strictly on whether or not we are male or female.

So much attention has been given to the rights of homosexuals and transgendered people lately that the lines are steadily being erased between what is male and female. Our society is trying to remove the very lines that make us who we are.

Several years ago I read in the news about a family that had two young children. The parents were raising these children in a way to believe they weren’t male or female. They hadn’t disclosed the gender of their babies to even their closest relatives. These children were allowed to buy clothes in either the girl or boy department based on which clothes they liked as they were shopping. Nothing was off-limits. It was the same way with toys, school supplies, and anything else. I’m not sure if even the children knew what gender they were.

The line was erased in that family. For the children anyway. The parents were mom and dad. One man, one woman. But the children had no such distinction. I wondered at the time what they were teaching the children to be. If they weren’t boy and they weren’t girl, what were they? Apparently, according to at least one social media site, that question can be answered in about 75 different ways, so I understand. At least that’s what I read in a news article recently. Roughly 75 different options for whether or not you’re male or female…or maybe it’s roughly 75 different options to keep from being called either male or female.

The whole thing confuses me. It’s much simpler to go by a very basic rule.

Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created. Genesis 5:2

No alternatives. No options. No choosing between dozens of different definitions that completely erase what a person is. When I was expecting my now five year old, my then six year old told me she thought the baby was a giraffe. When I told her it wasn’t a giraffe she informed me that I couldn’t know that because I didn’t know what the baby was so it could be a giraffe. Coming from such a young child it was cute. One of those sweet little things that we file away in our memories. But the whole gender definition thing reminds me of that conversation.

If you don’t know what you are…you can be anything.

Male and female he created them…

Simple. Straight forward. No room for confusion or argument. You’re either one or the other. And because we’re either one or the other, we are created to be and act a certain way. My husband leads, I follow. Not because I am a follower by nature but because the Lord has designed me to respond to my husband a certain way. He has his place, I have mine. Scripture defines exactly what those places are. He is the provider, I am the helper. He is the strong one, I am the weaker vessel.

As my husband and I discussed how wives follow their husbands, as we shared how we both acted and reacted because of the other, I began to see something. It’s much like a dance. He acts, I react. I react and he’s challenged to act in certain ways because I will react based on him.

When I was a kid I took dance lessons. The teacher would count of the steps…one, two, three, four…there was a rhythm, a flow, to the movements. Right foot did this, so left foot did that. Because our feet were doing one thing our arms were supposed to be doing another. And when it was all put together it flowed. That was ballet. This is marriage.

But the more I think about how lead and follow works in marriage the more I’m reminded of all those dance lessons. There was a lead and follow then to, an order that had to be kept to make everything flow. Those dance lessons came natural to some but were nearly impossible to master to others. Some of us were able to not only grasp the steps and movements needed but were able to do it with ease, some of the girls were able to move with so much grace (that’s the term in the ballet world) that it looked like they were just made to move that way, others were constantly stumbling over their feet and forgetting where their arms were supposed to be when.

There are wives that fall into those same categories. Wives that easily find their place in marriage, wives that struggle and fight the entire way. Yesterday I did some research on an author a friend mentioned in reference to a book she was reading. As I read the comments at the end of an article about this author there was quite a bit of discussion about Genesis 3:16 and how it applied to women and their place. Or more specifically how it applied to a woman’s role and actions and reactions in relationships. There seemed to be just about as many opinions on what it meant as there were comments. It seemed everyone saw it a different way.

The people making those comments were like the girls in those ballet classes I took. To some their place came easy, to others it was harder. Some fell into it with a natural ability that made it all flow, while others fought it like a fish on the end of a fishing pole.

After that conversation with my husband, quite by accident, I read something that brought all that to mind again. It was a very brief passage written by a professing ‘Christian’. What I read had enough good points to keep me reading to the end but still left me wishing they could have gone a little deeper, pointed out more truth. But they made several points that made me once again think of the conversation with my husband about the roles of husband and wife.

In the passage that I read the author touched on the fact that woman was created to be a helper for man. But they went further to say that woman completes man. She fills his empty places. She is there to share his life and by so doing she pulls him out of himself and into them.

That was where I began, again, to think on what my husband and I had talked about, on what Scripture says in reference to men and women, husbands and wives.

As a wife…when I became a wife…I discovered that being a wife completes me. Being a wife lets me be the me that I am deep inside. It brings the me that I am on the surface and the me that I am deep inside into a fullness that lets me…just be. I feel complete in everything. I am me. I’m a mother. I’m a daughter. A sister. A wife. It’s like being a wife closed the circle of who I am, it made a whole out of all the pieces. It gave me a sense of completeness I didn’t have before. It gave me security. It gave me the ability to be weak. And it made me stronger.

The role of wife gave me that completeness but it wasn’t the title that did it, although I do find a certain completion in just being a wife. It was my husband, my relationship with him, my interactions with him, my trust in him…those were what brought the full completeness that I feel because I am a wife. When I am away from my husband, be it for hours or days, there is still a sense of belonging, of completion, in just knowing that I am his wife even if I’m not with him. The security lingers even though he may not be physically present.

That is what I thought of as I read that passage that spoke of a woman completing her husband, of what it does to a man to have a wife. And then I thought more of what they said and less of what I felt because I am a wife.

When a man is married, no matter his beliefs, no matter his personality, no matter who he is or what he wants to be…he is no longer him, but they. Where once he was alone, now he has her. The Bible says:

and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Mark 10:8

Where he was alone he is now two people that are one. Because of his wife he no longer has only himself to think of. She makes him think of his actions because he knows they affect her and that in turn makes him a better person, makes him try harder, because he has the responsibility of leading her.

At least that’s how it should be.

When a man marries his wife is entrusted into his care. She was created for him just as Eve was created for Adam. She isn’t just any other person but the woman that God created just for him. When God created Eve He put Adam to sleep and removed one of his ribs making Eve not just for him but through him. She was, quite literally, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh. She was made from a part of his very body.

As such she was created for Him.

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:14

She was a gift, given to Adam, by God. She was created to fill a certain role in Adams life. There were certain traits that she was given that would allow her to fill that role. They were deeply ingrained, built into the very fiber of her being. She was there to help and follow Adam. He was there to look out for her, take care of her, lead her.

She had a role, he had a role. She was made one way, he another.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18

Eve…woman…was created because God saw that it was not good that man should be alone. He didn’t elaborate on why it wasn’t good, only said that it wasn’t good for man…not Adam but man…to be alone. And so woman was created to fill the void, the empty place, in man’s life. She was made to fill that emptiness, to complete him.

When a man and a woman marry it creates a wholeness, a completeness, that wasn’t there, in either of them, before they married. Before they were two incomplete people, through marriage they became one whole person.

and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Mark 10:8

Marriage brings a completeness that wasn’t present in either the husband or the wife before they married. That is the Biblical design, God’s very plan, for marriage. The husband has a role and when he fulfills it the wife is completed. The wife has a role and when she fulfills it the husband is completed. She is bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh.

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…Ephesians 5:28-29

A marriage, in the Lord, places both the husband and the wife in their God given roles. It lets them be who they were designed to be. Marriage can be a completion or it can be a competition. I am blessed to be completed in marriage but I’ve seen many marriages that were competitions. Neither the husband nor the wife were happy, they weren’t satisfied, and they weren’t completed in their marriage. They fought each other and the very fact that they were married. Marriage was a curse and not a blessing.

Those marriages weren’t based on Biblical principles. And neither the husband or the wife embraced the role of man or woman as they were designed to be. They embraced, instead, the role they wanted, the role the world said they could take. They didn’t find fulfillment in being the kind of man or woman they should have been, and therefore they didn’t find completeness in marriage.

How much better is the design, the plan, of the Lord?

 

 

Spiritual wisdom

In a free moment today I picked up a New Testament, ESV version, and randomly chose somewhere to read. That happened to be 1 Corinthians. I've read it many times before, once I even spent a month in 1 and 2 Corinthians, but today my attention snagged on 1 Corinthians 2. It just stood out to me so much that I read it several times over.

And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the [a]testimony of God. 2 For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. 3 I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, 4 and my [b]message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5 so that your faith would not [c]rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.

6 Yet we do speak wisdom among those who are mature; a wisdom, however, not of this age nor of the rulers of this age, who are passing away; 7 but we speak God’s wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God predestined before the ages to our glory; 8 the wisdom which none of the rulers of this age has understood; for if they had understood it they would not have crucified the Lord of glory; 9 but just as it is written,

“Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard,
And which have not entered the heart of man,
All that God has prepared for those who love Him.”

10 [d]For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. 11 For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God,13 which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, [e]combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.

14 But [f]a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they arefoolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually[g]appraised. 15 But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. 16 For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he will instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.

There's just something so profound about that. Here was Paul, a highly educated man, that said...

...I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.vs 2

He determined, or chose, to know nothing but Christ. What did it take for him to erase all the learning he had and replace it with Christ and only Christ? He gave up all worldly knowledge to know only Christ. What would that have meant? I'm assuming he simply put all his trust in Christ, based all his decisions off what he knew of Christ. His life simply revolved around Christ and the job he was given to do.

my [b]message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5 so that your faith would not [c]rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God. vs 4-5

Here, he says his teachings weren't words of wisdom but demonstration of the Spirit and of power. He didn't use his worldly wisdom to teach. He taught based off what he learned from the Spirit. Why? 'So that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.'

Can you imagine a preacher from today walking onto a pulpit and saying such a thing? To do so today would be to completely disregard so much of what lets them wear the label of preacher. But Paul did that very thing.

He goes on to tell exactly what kind of wisdom he's there to teach...

we speak God’s wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God predestined before the ages to our glory; vs 7

How amazing it is to know that that mystery has been revealed to me. Every time I read about the mystery in Scripture I am simply amazed, floored, staggered by the fact that I have been given something so precious.

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God13 which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, [e]combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.

The whole of 1 Corinthians 2 simply stopped all further Bible reading. It made me pause, think, ponder, and marvel at the words in that chapter. Paul is completely disregarding everything taught in human wisdom. He's wiping it all away. Putting no importance on it. Nothing that he was ever taught from a worldly standpoint held any importance. He says 'words taught not by human wisdom'...that captivates me. How does he completely remove all importance of all things taught by human minds? And we are to do the same. There is so much I have given up, turned away from, hurt every time I find myself in the presence of, but I have not yet found the ability to completely remove all thought or care for anything taught on human wisdom.

He then says exactly where his teaching came from, 'taught by the Spirit, combining Spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.'

He put all importance on what was taught by the Spirit. He says nothing else matters. Put no value on that which is taught by the wisdom of men, and neither should we. ! John 2:27 says...

But the anointing that you received from him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in him. 

Paul says our faith should rest on the power of God not on the wisdom of men. Our teaching should come from the Spirit. From 1 John we know that's an anointing that we received from God. An anointing that teaches us all we need to know.

There are many times I ask my husband something about Scripture, and many more times I just want to sit and listen to him talk about it, explain it, because he can make connections in Scripture that I just can't make no matter how hard I try. But there have been many times that my husband has told me 'you don't need me to teach you'. He says that because he knows the Spirit will teach me. It is a learning that goes beyond what any person can ever teach another. It is a spiritual learning that can't be taught. It must be given by the Lord. 

14 But [f]a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually[g]appraised. 

That part hurts and makes me think of all the people I have discussed Scripture with, and all the people I would like to discuss it with. All the people that do not accept the way I see Scripture because they can't understand it. I have seen within my own family how it's considered foolishness and written off as how I'm wrong or crazy.

 16 For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he will instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.

And I am so very grateful to have received it.

Marriage by the Book

A few months after my husband and I were married we were given a devotional book for couples. It was a thoughtful gift and was made even more so because of the person that gave it to us.

I’ve never been a big reader of devotionals. They just aren’t something I get a lot out of. But out of curiosity…I’d never had a devotion for couples before and was curious as to what it contained and taught…and because I wanted to at least be able to say we had used it if the person that gave it to us ever asked…I began reading it out loud to my husband.

It was interesting…for a while…but it wasn’t the kind of thing either one of us found would be very helpful to our marriage.

For me it was kind of like reading parenting books that tell you exactly how to raise your child…they just don’t work. Not for me. When my older children were little there was a very popular parenting book that taught care for newborns and young babies. This particular book taught exactly how to get your child onto a schedule and to sleep through the night. And people that used it claimed it worked very well.

I happened to babysit for a couple that had just had their first child. They were raising this baby ‘by the book’ and I was not to deviate from what they told me. The baby was to be gotten up at a certain time, fed at a certain time, put to bed at certain times throughout the day. And if the baby cried when she was put to bed I was to leave her there no matter how long she cried because she would eventually go to sleep.

That went against everything I believed in about raising babies. But I did it because that wasn’t my baby and it was what the parents required. I think it was as hard on me as it was on the baby.

During that time I met another woman that was raising her baby by the same book. We were both waiting in the waiting room of the doctor’s office and began talking. This woman carried her sleeping newborn up to the counter to ask how much longer it would be before they were called into the back because she needed to get her baby home so it could take a nap. She went on for quite a while about how it was the baby’s nap time and the baby was missing it’s nap…while holding a soundly sleeping baby.

My experiences babysitting that baby and seeing that woman in the waiting room were vivid reminders of what I’d always thought. Those parenting books that tell you how to raise your baby (or child) and claim they will work for all parents and all children if the parents will only apply what they’re taught in the book don’t take into consideration the desires of the parents or the needs of individual children.

All babies don’t learn to walk by their first birthday. All children can’t read when they’re six. And all parents can’t raise children based off the methods of someone else.

I found this couples devotional book to be the same way. The methods that worked for the author’s marriage…didn’t necessarily fit my marriage. The things the author said we should do my husband and I found useless.

And we discovered as I read that the author did not share our beliefs in the Lord or Scripture. The book was labeled as Christian, written by someone that said he was a Christian, but he wasn’t the kind of Christian we are. They weren’t bad teachings and the things the author suggested the couple do together weren’t bad things, they probably would draw a couple closer together if they did them because they were about sharing your thoughts and feelings with each other, but they were things that my husband and I just didn’t see as particularly helpful for us.

For one thing…we were already doing most of what the author said you should do. We were already talking about most of those things, sharing our deepest feelings with each other. We didn’t need a book to tell us to do those things and give us exercises to do to accomplish that.

But beyond that…

The book started with the couple and touched on Christ. I’ll admit that I haven’t read the entire book but nowhere in any of what I read did it start with Christ and bring the couple into it. It didn’t teach the husband to put Christ first in His life so that he could be the kind of husband the Lord designed. It didn’t teach the wife to put Christ first so that she could love her husband as she should.

Christ didn’t come first in any of the devotions I read.

They were about the couple first and Christ second, if at all. In the same way that parenting book taught that all parents can raise their babies in the manner the author taught if the parent just followed the rules set out by the author. That book put the author’s ideas first, then the parent. The baby was the least important of all. Throughout the book it taught that the baby would learn to do what the parents wanted…and what the parents wanted was what the author believed was the right way to raise a baby.

The author of this devotional book presented his ideas through each devotion, then applied them to the couple. Christ held little place among the discussions of how these things apply to a ‘Christians’ life.

Christ’s place in those devotions was the same place He has in most professing ‘Christians’ life. Somewhere far down in the ranking, coming in below the authors ideas, the couple, the Bible, ‘Christians’, and whatever else took priority.

It didn’t start with Christ then move to the couple.

I never read that if the couple put Christ first and lived by His teachings, if they were truly regenerate and sought Christ with everything in them, then marriage would become easier. I never read anything on putting Christ first then your spouse.

And as I read through those devotions I was left wondering where was Christ in any of it? Eventually my husband and I grew tired of reading those devotions; we had enough of what the author was teaching. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to be taught or that we had a problem with working through any of the things covered in that book…the problem was that the author left Christ out of what he was teaching.

Much the way professing ‘Christians’ leave Him out of their lives.

And as I closed the book…I was left wondering…

Where was Christ in any of that? Where was Christ in the author’s marriage? Where is Christ in the marriages of the many people that read that book?

And as I set the book aside I knew the answer. The author was written by a ‘Christian’ and it was written for ‘Christians’. It was written in the same manner many Sunday sermons, Bible studies, and ‘Christian’ books are written. It is written for the professing ‘Christian’ whose life revolves around self-first, everything else next, and somewhere down the list comes the God they believe in, the Jesus that fits their life.

And so the need for ‘Christian’ books on marriage come in. So they can have a marriage by the book.

I have set through many a sermon by a preacher that often preaches on marriage. About every other sermon he preaches touches on marriage in some way. That would be fine, marriage is a big part of most people’s lives. The only statistic on the percent of heterosexuals that marry said that 90% of people marry by the time they’re 50. So a preacher speaking about marriage isn’t a bad thing. However, this preacher often speaks about marriage in reference to his own marriage, which again could be okay, but a good part of the time he’s talking about he and his wife had ‘world war 3’ in their living room. He talks about how angry he got with her or how he yelled at her.

Preachers are just people, fallen people in a fallen world, but…if the preacher is truly a child of Christ would he continuously yell at his wife? Would he continuously engage in ‘world war 3’ with her? Forgetting everything else…would his role as a ‘Christian’ man allow him to continue to act in that manner? Or would the Lord change his heart so much that it wouldn’t take more than once or twice before he was so grieved by those actions that he wouldn’t act that way anymore?

My grandmother has been a ‘Christian’ all my life but she and my grandpa regularly held their own version of world war 3. We used to have neighbors that regularly attended services at a ‘church’ building. They screamed and yelled at each other on a regular basis.

 These are supposedly ‘Christian’ couples. They supposedly have ‘Christian’ marriages.

My husband and I were driving past a Baptist ‘church’ the other day. He told me that the preacher there regularly preaches on marriage.

I don’t for a minute question that Christian marriages have stress and troubles. I don’t doubt that they have their moments of upset between the couple. Anytime you take two people, no matter their beliefs, and put them in as close a proximity as a married couple should be in, there are bound to come times when one or the other of them gets upset with the other one. The difference is in how it’s handled, what they do, and how they act.

I recently did something that my husband saw as disrespect to him. It happened by accident and wasn’t intentional on my part but it still happened. We talked about it days after it happened. He must have been unhappy with me at the time that it happened but if he was I never knew it. He did not for even a second act as if he was upset with me. If he hadn’t said something I would never have known it happened. He could have instigated world war 3, could have yelled at me, could have started an argument, could have refused to speak to me or done any number of other things but he did none of those things.

Married Christians are still fallen people in a fallen world. We do things, say things, that may hurt those closest to us. How we handle those times is often a reflection on our beliefs.

I don’t for even a minute claim to be any kind of an expert on marriage. Quite honestly I am about as far from an expert as you can get. But I can see the difference. I can feel it in my own marriage. I have 100% trust in my husband in all things. I know when he says or does something that upsets me it’s not done intentionally, not done out of spite or anger toward me.

When I think of the type of marriage that preacher must have to regularly engage in world war 3 with his wife, when I remember my grandparents marriage, my neighbors marriage I can see, from just the small part of those couples marriages that I witnessed, where the ‘Christian’ books on marriage have their place. They aren’t going to turn a professing ‘Christian’ into a regenerate Christian. They aren’t going to teach them to put Christ first and then their spouse. But maybe those ‘Christian’ books on marriage, written by those ‘Christian’ authors, will help those ‘Christian’ couples to interact in a way that they can find a way not to engage in world war 3.

So for ‘Christian’ couples…maybe they need sermons on marriage. Maybe they need marriage workshops and marriage retreats. Maybe they need some counselor, preacher, or teacher to walk them through things like not expecting too much from each other, calling or texting each other just to say I love you, talking about their hurts… Maybe they need a book that tells them day by day how to do those things. For some ‘Christian’ marriages a marriage by the book, even one written by a professing ‘Christian’, may well be better than what they have.

My husband and I aren’t perfect. Our marriage isn’t perfect, although I’ll admit that most of the times it feels that way. But my husband and I didn’t need that devotional book for couples because the only book we base our marriage on is the Bible. And if we both follow the rules set out for marriage in the Bible then we both benefit. But more than that if we fail to follow the rules set out in the Bible we hurt not only each other, and ourselves, but we hurt our Lord. So we pattern our marriage after the Book. We build it on the words of Truth. We live with each other; interact with each other, on God’s word. Our marriage is a marriage by the Book.

Which book do you base your marriage on?