Scripture came alive like nothing I had ever experienced before. I literally devoured it. I could not get enough. I was seeing and understanding things I had never seen before. It was an amazing experience.
But I have come to realize something. In seeing and understanding so much of Scripture, so many things that had been hidden from me before, so many things that I knew from experience were hidden from others, I began to feel differently in my own stance, in my salvation. I don't think I ever thought I was more special than others but I do remember thinking and feeling, 'why me?' Why me out of all these people? Why me and not her? Why me and not him? What in me did the Lord see when He looked throughout all of time, before He even made the earth, so that He chose me?
And in feeling that way I shared some of what I saw in Scripture, some of what I was feeling with someone I love deeply. I would give my own salvation for this person. I would give it in a heartbeat and without a second thought knowing full well what it would mean for me.
Because I shared the things I was seeing and understanding with this person, because I longed to take them with me into this new and exciting, to me, place that I had found myself in, I shared more than they could comprehend. Just the other day this person told me something I had told them back then. I don't remember saying this so I don't know if their recollection is word for word what I said or if it is their understanding of many things I might have shared with them, but this person told me that in those early days I sat with them, speaking with deep seriousness, and told them that I believed I was chosen by God and was a saint.
Like I said, I don't remember saying any of that but I am sure I probably said something along those lines because they remember it. Every word is true but what I am coming to realize as I dig deeper and deeper into the teachings of men is that I had in my head that I was of the elect, something I am no longer so certain of because I now understand enough Scripture to know that their will be those that believe themselves to be of the elect that will be told:
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not by thy [k]Name prophesied, and by thy name cast out devils? and by thy name done many [l]great works?
Matthew 7:22-23 Geneva
Depart from me you that work iniquity. Such strong words. Such horrific words. Such words that should strike fear into the heart of every person that believes in Christ. We are told:
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, Philippians 2:12 ESV
We are to work out our own salvation...never once are we told to work out another's salvation...and we are to do it with fear and trembling. The very thought that we might be told 'depart from Me' should be enough to strike fear and trembling into our very souls.
And yet, I remember the days when I looked at professing believers and felt and believed that I had been given something they had not. I remember thinking of the people I had known in 'churches' and how their faith seemed to be surface level and how I had been given a deeper faith. In seeing that I learned what saving faith was.
The further I get from those early days, the more I learn, the more I see that we can never be 100% certain of anyone's eternal condition and that we should never make the assumption that we are guaranteed salvation and that others do not have it.
'Depart from me you who work iniquity'.
The Lord alone knows who are His.
I know there are those on both sides of the Arminian/reformed line that would argue this. Some of them vehemently. Some of them angrily. Some of them...out of total fear that the salvation they take such comfort in might be a farce and they may not make it to heaven after all.
I have had a conversation with someone that basically did just that, argued with me that we can know our eternal condition because all we have to do is read the Scriptures. Well...I have read the Scriptures. Over and over...and over again. And you know what I keep coming back to? Depart from me...
Oh, how those words lead us to see that their will be believers that do not make it into heaven. Why would any of us ever go so far as to presume that we are one of the chosen ones? How are we to know just who is and who is not of the elect?
There is great comfort in 'knowing' we have been given or have gained (depending on how one sees it) salvation. There is so much comfort that we can even be lulled into such peace and contentment that we get complacent, even lazy in our spiritual life.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating for any kind of works based religion here. I'm not promoting the belief that man can work his way to heaven. I'm simply saying that we are told:
...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Phillipians 2:12-13 NKJV
And it is in the deep thoughts of working out ones salvation, and the realization that we should focus on our own salvation, with fear and trembling (and in humility and gratefulness) that I think back on those early days and how I felt. Amazed. Grateful. But also so sure I was something that others weren't.
I no longer feel that way. No longer see things that way. These days I lean more toward worrying about myself and more inclined to just accept that the Lord has everyone right where He wants them, in life, in religion, even in time and space, and to leave it all in His hands.
My hands are full just working out my own salvation.
I know there are those on both sides of the Arminian/reformed line that would argue this. Some of them vehemently. Some of them angrily. Some of them...out of total fear that the salvation they take such comfort in might be a farce and they may not make it to heaven after all.
I have had a conversation with someone that basically did just that, argued with me that we can know our eternal condition because all we have to do is read the Scriptures. Well...I have read the Scriptures. Over and over...and over again. And you know what I keep coming back to? Depart from me...
Oh, how those words lead us to see that their will be believers that do not make it into heaven. Why would any of us ever go so far as to presume that we are one of the chosen ones? How are we to know just who is and who is not of the elect?
There is great comfort in 'knowing' we have been given or have gained (depending on how one sees it) salvation. There is so much comfort that we can even be lulled into such peace and contentment that we get complacent, even lazy in our spiritual life.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating for any kind of works based religion here. I'm not promoting the belief that man can work his way to heaven. I'm simply saying that we are told:
...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Phillipians 2:12-13 NKJV
And it is in the deep thoughts of working out ones salvation, and the realization that we should focus on our own salvation, with fear and trembling (and in humility and gratefulness) that I think back on those early days and how I felt. Amazed. Grateful. But also so sure I was something that others weren't.
I no longer feel that way. No longer see things that way. These days I lean more toward worrying about myself and more inclined to just accept that the Lord has everyone right where He wants them, in life, in religion, even in time and space, and to leave it all in His hands.
My hands are full just working out my own salvation.
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