Because I am human

My husband asked me today what I've been meditating on Scripturally and the question kind of took me back for a moment. It's not a new question or an unexpected one. No, what took me aback was the fact that I had no answer.

It's not that I haven't been meditating on things lately, not that I haven't thought of Scripture, not that I haven't read it, lately, it's just that here lately life has had my thoughts going in other directions.

There are times in life where the Lord makes our minds focus more on the earthly and less on the deeper things of Him or Scripture, at least He does that to me sometimes. He kind of tosses things before me that take up much time or much thought and therefore I am left with only bits and pieces of time for Scripture study or for meditating on His ways.

I am in one of those times right now.

Life has become such, at the Lord's hand, that many of my thoughts are turned to family and my meditating on Christ or Scripture takes place in bits and pieces and really doesn't add up to anything worth speaking of.

I realized just a couple of days ago that I haven't really been writing much for this blog lately. I also realized I haven't been doing much Bible study with my husband. I realized it but it failed to sink in until just today how choppy my Scripture studies have been lately.

Just the other day I found myself looking at my Bible, wanting to pick it up and read deeply from it. I wanted to feel my familiar friend in my hands and connect with an even greater Friend. And then life intervened and time did not allow me to do so. Instead I read a bit of Scripture in digital form and did not pick up my Bible.

I wonder, even as I write this, if I should write it. I write for my husband and it's for him that I am writing this, to explain why my answer was all but nonexistant today. Why I couldn't really tell him what I've been meditating on because the things I've meditated on have been fleeting thoughts and not deep ones. Because they come and go in the midst of life instead of sinking into me and overshadowing life. And I hesitate to write this because I know that if others besides my husband reads this than they will read that I have not been as deeply involved with Scripture lately as I should have been.

But...

I am only human. I fail daily and right now it looks like I haven't been giving the attention to Scripture that I should have been. It's understandable. I realize that. I know the other things going on in my life and I realize that I am in the midst of something that the Lord has caused to overrule my thoughts and emotions at the moment. I realize it is normal.

But I have still not dug as deeply, drank as deeply, of my Lord lately as I should have. I realize that too. And in realizing it I wonder if it's something I should write of, to put out there for anyone that happens along to read.

And I know I'm going to post this anyway. I'm going to share it with my husband and I'm going to put it out there so that anyone that does come along and reads it can see that my thoughts aren't always centered as deeply in Scripture as they should be, sometimes Scripture is drank in like a cool drink on a hot day, sometimes it is absorbed through my thoughts, and sometimes it passes fleetingly like a butterfly, fluttering here and gone, here and gone.

Because I am human and because I must traverse this world the Lord has placed me in.