Yesterday was a good day, one of those days that makes you relish the warm summer time weather and appreciate all that you've been given in this world, but it also came with a bit of upset. By last night thoughts were whirling in my head and my heart was a bit bruised. To top it all off I have been working on a project for about three months now. The end result of this project was supposed to belong to one of my relatives but he decided he didn't want it after much of the work had gone into it.
This is a project that I had thought many times, as it was being made into what he wanted it to be, that I would like to have such a thing for my little dolls. These little dolls are my one real hobby and selfish enjoyment. They give me joy in a fun, almost childlike way, and I have made friends with others that like these same kinds of little dolls. We all play together in an online world of our own making. We share pictures and stories, even swap dresses and such. It's just a fun thing for me.
I have a handful of these little dolls, all of them handcarved by friends with the exception of one that was produced by a company but even that one was a gift from a friend. There's nothing special about these dolls, they are just dolls, but then again they are special to me and that's what matters.
We all have things in this earthly life that we enjoy and that we give our time to. If for no other reason than it brightens our day. My little dolls are that thing for me.
My husband tolerates and even encourages my doll interest although sometimes I think he wishes these little six inch dolls took up a bit less space in our home. Not that they have overtaken a great deal of space but things like material and yarn begin to eat into space rather quickly, especially when your home is small.
When my relative decided he did not want the project we were working on I considered that the perfect opportunity to turn this monstrous thing into a dollhouse for my dolls. It's a slow going process as I balance crafting with family life but I am getting there. Late last night I was doing exactly that, balancing crafting and family life. It was late and I wasn't able to go to bed as I would have liked, my heart was a bit bruised from events earlier in the day, my mind was whirling, and I was tired. Not a good combination on any day. At midnight it was worse.
So I was grabbing a moment here and there to work on this hope-to-be dollhouse and juggling family needs, wishing I could be sleeping. Crafts and tiredness never mix and to top that off were the thoughts in my head and the condition of my heart. Now, to be fair, I wasn't truly upset more like thoughtful. But those thoughts, added to my tiredness, and the frustrations of trying to get this hope-to-be dollhouse to do what I wanted it to do were weighing on me.
I was flustered.
I finally left it all alone. Well, all but the thoughts I couldn't shake. And I did try to shake them. I didn't want to be thinking about the things I was thinking about. I just wanted peace in my head and to be honest, I wanted to sleep. It had already been a long day, packed just about as full as it possibly could be, and here I was, quickly encroaching on tomorrow.
The chance to go to bed finally came and with it the refreshment that only sleep can bring. This morning I awoke to a new day. The bruising that follows any emotional hurt is still tender but not as much so. The memory of yesterdays concerns are now just that, a memory. Life on earth brings with it many things that aren't always traveled so easily in light of Scripture. What may not be a sin in the Lord's eyes can still bring hurt to our hearts and can impact relationships.
And so I awake to a new day. A new chance to enjoy the Lord's creation. A new day to...live. I also awoke to some emails that helped brighten my day. This project I am trying to turn into a dollhouse is time consuming and sometimes flustering. Last night it was flustering. I was super tired and things just weren't working out. I shared an update and pictures with my online friends because they have been following this project through my emails and seem to be genuinely interested in how it is coming. My frustrations must have come through in my email because this morning I awoke to encouragement on my dollhouse project. That was refreshing but also made me realize what my tiredness and emotional condition last night had projected onto the project I am working on. I was seeing only problems with my house project and not the good things that made me undertake the project in the first place.
One of the emails said, "I always take comfort in the fact that the dolls never seem to mind if my plans don't match the results, they keep their pleasant expressions no matter what."
Such a simple statement but it reminded me of where my thoughts should be and the condition I should have in my heart and head.
My little dolls are carved of wood. Once they are made their expressions are firmly fixed. They cannot change the smile or frown that is upon their little wooden faces. In my doll play with my online doll loving friends we often make up stories, some of us actually writing out stories, or even books, about these little dolls. We give them character, personality, even emotions. All in the name of fun. And it is fun. At least for us crazy doll loving people. But it's all pretend. Our little dolls don't really have personalities, they can't feel emotions. They do only what we make them do.
With one email I was reminded that they 'keep their pleasant expressions no matter what.' And I was reminded of how we, too, as believers in Christ should keep our pleasant expressions no matter what. Someday the issues I faced yesterday will be nothing but distant memories. They will be long gone. What was an issue in my life really has no impact on anything but me and those around me.
My husband has had his Scripture thoughts focused on covetousness lately. He pointed out that many people, most in fact, even the ones that profess a belief in Christ, are often coveting something. They buy new cars, big houses. They invest in their clothing and their comforts. We, as believers, are no different. We buy the things we want and need, even if we don't sit around dreaming about what we will buy next. We save money for things that will come up, do things that bring in more money or take away some of the money we have.
Coveting things takes many forms...was I coveting when I realized I would like to take the project with my relative and turn it into a dollhouse for my dolls? Am I coveting when I sew a dress for my dolls? Is the desire to take our children on an outing coveting? Are we coveting when we buy gifts for others? Even when it is bought to be given away...we wanted it for the person we bought it for. Is it coveting when we put our money into things that are less than necessary items or enjoyments?
I know the general definition of coveting and the line that pretty much crosses from survival in this world to covetousness and yet, as I think of my little dolls and the project I am working on and remember that 'they keep their pleasant expressions no matter what', I think of the areas where we put our thoughts, our money, our talents, our...whatevers....that we may not see as coveting but could be seen that way to others.
My husband used to tell me that his enjoyment of golf is simply that, enjoyment. It's a relaxation for him. It's what he does to gain downtime in this world. But he also used to tell me that others have told him his golf is idolatry, comparing it to their interest in things. I see both sides. We often say someone is addicted to something or that they have made an idol of it and yet we have our own interests. I have a relative that thinks my interest in my little dolls is strange. This relative accused me of being addicted to them but when I pointed out their own interest in movies, music, and other things and told them they were addicted, I was told of how they don't really like them all that much. The evidence of the things they do says otherwise.
I think of that conversation now as I recall my dollhouse project. Last night I was flustered with it. Things just weren't going as I wanted them to. I wasn't happy with my dollhouse. I was not content with what was before me. I wanted different results than I was getting. My relative would tell me that I am addicted to my dolls. I am merely enjoying them because I get joy from them. Yet in that joy...do I step across the line in covetousness without realizing it? Do I loose my own perspective on things.
Just yesterday my husband told me, as an example for something else not because I am doing it, that if I wanted to spend all day at the bookstore, reading books, he would simply say 'the Lord will let you know when you've gone to far'.
The Lord does let us know when we've gone too far. He pulls us back from things we invest too much time or attention too. He yanks things away when we begin to focus on them too much. The unregenerate don't have that guiding hand on them. They have been left in their sins, no matter what the sin may be. Others can clearly see when an adulterer is in sin. Others can often see the sin of someone else's heart. This holds true for all people, the regenerate and the reprobate alike. It's often easier to see when someone else has gone too far but not always so easy to see it ourselves.
And so I woke this morning to emails encouraging me in my dollhouse project. And it took a comment about a doll to remind me that we should be content in all things, with food and clothing be content. I am so very blessed to have not only food and clothing but so very much more.
I lost my perspective on my dollhouse project last night. I allowed my frustration to get the better of me. I invested too much of my emotion into a project that the dolls that will live in it could care less about because they have no emotion, no feelings. They are simply playthings in my hands. It was my own ideal that I could not satisfy.
Life throws many curves at us, sometimes they are of our own making. It's all a part of this fallen life in a sin filled world. Regenerate, born again, believers are not free from sin. We fall into it in many different forms every single day. Yesterday I forgot to be content. I struggled with my own emotions because of a project that means nothing to anyone but myself. It's even a project I have asked myself time and again why I am doing it because there really isn't space in my home for it.
Yet I continue to work on, to gain joy from it, sometimes frustration, and I look forward to the day that it will be complete and I can make a home for my little dolls. In the meantime, I needed the reminder that I should keep my pleasant expression no matter what.
In all things be content.
Because the Lord is in control. Just as I control the making of this dolls house, the Lord controls my life. He guides me and leads me just as I am shaping and forming this useless earthly thing.
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