Learning to swim

Life…as they say…has a way of throwing things as us that we do not want. We are plagued with trials and tribulations, sometimes to the point where we feel as if we will break under the strain…the pain…of what we must endure.

Christians are not spared the pain and anguish of this world. There have been times when I wondered if Christians don’t actually get the worst side of this world. For those that live to Christ…we live as strangers in a world that surrounds us with much that we don’t want. Just being in the world is often a trial and then we must endure the tests and trials meant to grow us in some way.

Anne Dutton, a puritan writer, called these trials ‘a cup of bitters’. I do so love the way she put that. A cup of bitters. My mind turns to foul tasting medicine when I think of that, and how most people will go to great lengths to avoid having to take those nasty medicines.

We don’t want to take something that tastes nasty no matter how much good it will supposedly do for our bodies. It tastes bad and therefore our minds reject the very thought of letting it come into contact with our taste buds.

Anne Dutton went further to say that we should drink that ‘cup of bitters’ freely. She said it was sweetened with love and a cup of blessing.

When we face those trials and must endure those tribulations we don’t feel as if our cup has been sweetened with love. Too many times it feels as if we are getting the worst end of the deal and our human minds and hearts want to cry out, ‘why me?’

I think of the child that cries, ‘that’s not fair’, anytime things don’t go their way. It’s so easy for our flesh to feel as if we don’t deserve what we are enduring. We want much to pull away from those trials, to escape the tribulations. We don’t feel it’s fair that we must experience the things that cause us emotional hurt or mental anguish.

We ache. We hurt. We bleed tears from the pain. We long for freedom from our troubles.

And troubles seem to abound. We often seem to go from one difficulty to another. We just seem to get one situation worked through, figured out, or survived before something else comes our way.

It is much like the pioneer family that survived the problems of the city only to find themselves in the midst of a raging blizzard just days after joining the wagon train. They survive the blizzard, inch a bit further down the ‘road’ toward their new home only to be confronted with a bear attack. They escape the bear only to find themselves in the midst of an epidemic. The survivors of the epidemic press ever forward in their journey to reach a better land but gain only a small distance before the wagons bog down in mud and several axles are broken. They get the wagons repaired and on their way only to discover that the food they were counting on keeping them alive was lost or ruined in the mud. They persevere, pressing on, working their way ever further toward a land they hope, but don’t know for sure, will bring them a better life. But day after day, mile after mile, brings one challenge, one struggle, after another.

They have been handed one ‘cup of bitters’ after another. They drink each one, taking it in because there is nothing else to do.

That is what we all do. Everyone on earth, through all of time, gets handed a ‘cup of bitters’ and often those cups keep coming. Sometimes we may get the joy of having something sweeter handed to us but often even the sweet has a ‘cup of bitters’ tossed in here and there.

According to Anne Dutton, that ‘cup of bitters’ is a ‘cup of blessing’ because it was ordained by the Lord and will be worked out through his ‘power’ to our earthly and eternal advantage.

That’s hard to remember when we’re in the midst of swallowing the contents of that ‘cup of bitters.’

Scripture tells us to be thankful in all things. I can still remember the first time I thanked the Lord for a situation that I did not want to be in. It probably wasn’t the most heartfelt prayer and went something like ‘I don’t want this but I’m supposed to be thankful for it, so thank you.’

Even now, I find it much easier to reach contentment in the midst of a ‘cup of bitters’ than I do to find true thankfulness for it. Being thankful for that which hurts us is a struggle and often that gratitude is hard reached.

When we are given a ‘cup of bitters’ we often cry out, like the child that says ‘that’s not fair’, and we want the troubles we’re enduring to be taken away. We often pray for just that very thing. Our human selves ache with what we’re going through and we want it over with. Now. One sip from the ‘cup of bitters’ is enough for our human selves.

How many times in life do we say something to the effect of ‘I’ve had enough’? How many times do we ‘have enough’ of something long before it’s over?

But though we may long for the end of the ‘cup of bitters’ we feel as if we will never reach it The bottom of the cup never seems to appear. The liquid keeps sloshing. We turn the cup upside down, hoping, intending, to pour out the contents only to turn it right side up again and see that there’s just as much inside it as there was before we turned it upside down. We can’t empty the bitter from the cup no matter how hard we try.

Because we know only what we want here and now, in this moment. We want much to be free of the trials that plague us because of the hurt and discomfort they cause us in this earthly life. But we can’t see the eternal reasons for what we’re experiencing now. All we can see is our own part in what’s happening in this moment.

But the Lord can see the eternal and it is the eternal that He is concerned with. Scripture shows us that Christ said ‘my kingdom is not of this world’. If His kingdom isn’t of this world…is He concerned with the things of this world? Or is He working out the eternal…the things of His kingdom…in this world.

Movies and books often depict an evil side, a good verses bad side. I don’t watch or read those things but one doesn’t have to experience them to understand that they exist. While visiting a ‘Christian’ website recently, I saw a short documentary type film that spoke of a popular movie that sort of takes Scripture and turns it into something…different. I’d have to almost say evil. Because in this movie, if the makers of that documentary thing I saw are correct, then the movie took Scripture and turned the Lord into the evil force and the evil side into the saviors. It supposedly flipped Scripture until evil was good, and good was evil.

I think of that now as I think of the eternal. We, in our evil, sinfilled, earthly lives, would choose to quickly put an end to any ‘cup of bitters’ that we must taste. We pucker our faces, wrinkle our noses, shake our heads back and forth, gag, and even run away from that which we find repulsive. We complain. We speak of how glad we will be when ‘this’ is over. We look forward to the day when it finally comes to an end. But we fail to see the eternal side of it. Even those who are regenerate often grumble, in one way or another, and look forward to the end of this ‘cup of bitters’. We want it over and done with even if we understand that it has eternal consequences that are good for us and necessary for the Lord’s plan.

I think of how my husband and I met. I was in a place I didn’t plan to be and was even complaining, to myself, about having to be there. I didn’t want to be in that place, in that time. Didn’t like that circumstances had dictated that I must be there. And yet…not long at all after having to be in that place…I met my husband. And only a few weeks later was married.

And that marriage has been a huge blessing. I wouldn’t undo it if I could. I wouldn’t change having met and married my husband if I could. I am grateful every day for him and for our marriage. It…he…is a gift I get to open each and every day. And the present is beyond precious.

But at the time when I was being placed where I needed to be so that I could meet my husband…I wasn’t happy about being there.

How many other things do we grumble and complain about…do we want to escape…only to wind up being very happy with the outcome of that situation? And yet…the very next ‘cup of bitters’ that comes our way…we want to toss it aside.

Even Christ asked to have the ‘cup’ taken from Him. He didn’t want His ‘cup of bitters’ either.

I have recently been working through the book of Matthew. As I did so, each time I came to a place where Christ tells the disciples that He would soon be taken from them, that He would soon be with them no more, that He would soon be handed over…even when He told them it would happen, ‘this very night’, I thought of how agonizing it would have been to see the days and hours tick down to the torture you knew was coming.

I went through an experience not all that long ago where I watched the time on the clock tick past. I didn’t want the time to end. I didn’t want the moment coming up to arrive. But all too quickly it did arrive.

Christ in the flesh, watched his days and hours tick by. He tried to prepare those with them for what was coming. I think of how my husband has been known to try and prepare me for what is about to happen. There are times that I am sure his reaction to something and his attitude about it are affected by the fact that he knows he is leading me. He leads me with his strength in those times when I have no strength of my own. When I want to cry and cling because of something in our lives…he leads me through it with his strength.

Christ led his disciples into…through…his crucifixion. He warned them of what was to come, long before it arrived. He told them the time would come when he wouldn’t be there. He explained what they were to do in His absence. He even sent them out, alone, without Him, to do what He wanted them to do. He gave them something of a trial run. He let them go and do what was expected of them without Him even while He was still in the world for them to come back to.

They tested the waters without Christ there to back them up. They dipped their toes into the pond that would soon become an ocean that they must experience all on their own.

Christ knew what was coming. He spoke of it long before it happened. Each and every day that passed was one day closer to His final hour and the earthly pain He would experience. And in those final hours He prayed for those that were His and would be left in this world.

And He asked that this ‘cup’ be taken from Him.

He didn’t want what He was about to experience either. But even in that He prayed for it to be taken according to His Father’s will.

Our Lord hurt and struggled with the ‘cup’ He was given. In fact a careful study of the Scriptures reveals just how much he hurt and anguished over the ‘cup’ he was about to drink from.

In the book of Luke there is a single verse that tells us something that gives great insight into the anguish that Christ experienced before His ‘cup’ arrived. It is in Luke 22:44…

And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. (niv)

There are several things that make that verse particularly interesting. The first is that, of all the Gospels, Luke is the only one that says Christ was in anguish. It is also interesting to understand that Luke, who wrote the books of Luke and Acts, was a physician. And Luke was the only one to speak of Jesus’ sweat.

Scripture shows that Peter seems to have been the one that Christ kept closest to Him. Peter was the one that went further with Christ in the garden of Gethsemane. And yet…Luke was the one to note that Christ’s sweat was like drops of blood.

I think it also interesting to note that Luke didn’t say Christ sweated blood, or that his sweat was drops of blood, he said it was like drops of blood.

Why?

What is the significance of the word like in that verse? Why was Christ’s sweat like drops of blood and not actually blood itself?

And why was Luke the only one to note that Christ’s sweat was like blood and that He was in anguish?

There is a medical condition known as hematidrosis. It is a rare condition that has been reported in soldiers just before they went into battle and in men about to be executed. It is a condition of great stress and emotional pain. Though rare the condition is an actual medical condition that results from extremely high blood pressure that causes the capillaries in the sweat glands to rupture and therefore results in someone sweating blood.

A little research into whether or not Christ suffered from this condition unearthed a bit of enlightening information. The first of which is that some of the ancient manuscripts did not contain Luke 22:44. If that verse wasn’t in the original manuscripts…then the whole idea of Christ sweating blood may be something that was added at some later date and not be true at all. However, I found it interesting to understand that during the time of Christ hematidrosis supposedly had not been diagnosed at all. It would have been an unheard of condition of that was the case. And so…if this is a disease that had never been seen before…how would anyone, even scribes at later times, have known to add such an account to Scripture?

It isn’t my intention to say whether or not this disease had been seen before or to speculate as to how that verse got into Scripture. I’m only saying that…if this was a phenomenon that had never been seen before, how would they know to write of it unless the person writing it had seen it or heard of it from those that had seen it?

In researching this I also discovered that there are those that say it was impossible for Christ to experience any kind of human illness or condition because He was sinless and those conditions are a result of sin.

That is another thing that I’m not about to speculate on. I do have to wonder though…if Christ were immune to all human frailties and conditions…would he have been able to die in the flesh? Would a beating have produced pain and blood? Would a crown of thorns or nails have pierced his hands and feet? And if they did…would he have been able to feel the pain of them?

If He was immune to all human frailties and conditions…could He have felt pain?

Something I did find particularly interesting about hematidrosis is that it makes the skin becomes extremely tender and fragile…it is easily injured and torn. In light of what Christ endured…if He did indeed suffer from the affliction that caused him to sweat blood…he would have suffered even more agony than a person not experiencing that condition.

I also came across something that said this condition is only experienced when a person is extremely afraid…such as in the cases of prisoners about to be executed or soldiers about to go into battle. It is a condition that shows up under great fear…or agony.

In one place I saw that this condition is hard to gather information on because the outcome of those that experience it is often not good.

Whether or not Christ experienced this condition or not isn’t for me to say. It’s one of those details in Scripture that is often open to the interpretation of the reader. I guess it could even be said that Lukes use of the word, like, in that verse could even refer to Christ’s sweat flowing like blood…or some other thing. I don’t know. I don’t have the answers to any of that.

My inclination is to believe what I see in Scripture and that is that Christ’s sweat was like blood. Whether or not he experienced hematidrosis or not, He certainly experienced anguish. He hurt over what was about to come. And in His final hours He cried out to His Father asking that the ‘cup’ be taken from Him. And then He prayed on behalf of those that were His.

We do know that Christ endured torture, that He suffered in ways we can’t even begin to understand. We know that He understood sin from a holy perspective and therefore saw just how destructive it is. And He knew, before it ever happened, that He would take that sin upon Himself and that He would suffer God’s wrath for that sin. And because He knew what was to come…He agonized. He hurt. He ached. Did He fear what was to come? We don’t know. We do know that He spent His final hours in prayer and that He prayed to have the ‘cup’ taken from Him.

So…no matter whether or not Christ experienced a medical condition that prompted him ‘sweating blood’, he experienced anguish. He ached and hurt for what was about to come. And He wanted the ‘cup’ removed from Him. He didn’t want to taste from that ‘cup of bitters’ either.

If our Lord in His holy perfection cried out to have the ‘cup’ taken from Him, how can we, in our fallen human selves, ever expect to get through a single ‘cup of bitters’ without wishing it away?

So much of our life is experienced on something of an autopilot. We go through our days, sometimes without giving any thought to what we are doing. We rarely think about things like brushing our teeth, cleaning the house, doing laundry, or going to the grocery store. Every day events just happen and we act and react while we are in the midst of them.

It is only those bigger things that gain so much of our attention. An upcoming vacation may hold our attention for days, weeks, even months beforehand as we prepare for the long anticipated get away. The birth of a new baby is often anticipated for nine months. It is planned for, shopped for, awaited with eagerness.

But those are the ‘joys’ we gratefully accept. They are the cups of sweetness that we are all too eager to drink from. It isn’t until we must drink from the ‘cup of bitters’ that we lose our thankfulness for what we are experiencing. It is as we reluctantly sip from the ‘cup of bitters’ that we cry out, ‘why me’ and ‘it’s not fair’ and beg to have the ‘cup’ removed from us.

I once told one of my daughters that it isn’t in the easy times that we grow in maturity, in who we are, in Christ. It’s in those hard moments…when we drink from the ‘cup of bitters’…that we grow.

It is in the midst of swallowing the bitter brew from the ‘cup’ that we are forced to move off of autopilot, out of our own happiness, and into an area where we cannot face the day alone. Where the pain is much and the growth is painful.  

My life is in my Lord’s hands. Daily. Moment by moment. I am His and my life is His. I drink from the cups of sweetness when He sends them my way and I happily enjoy those cups. I reluctantly sip from the ‘cup of bitters’ when it comes my way until I am shoved into it and quickly find myself in over my head, drowning in what I cannot handle. And it’s in that moment that my Lord teaches me to swim when all I want to do is climb out of the pool.

I must experience the ‘cup of bitters’ in order to grow into that which the Lord has in store for me.