What if God...

I’ve had in mind to write a post for a while. One that has been nagging at me, picking at me, never fully forming but never letting me go either. Maybe it’s the Lord’s way of telling me He wants me to write this, or maybe it’s my Spirit…afraid that I will write it in the flesh and not in the Spirit.

You see, for me, this is a difficult post. I struggle with the very idea of writing it. I struggle with the topic, with the concept. I struggle because…

I don’t know why.

But I have struggled with it. And yet the idea won’t leave me alone.

My husband is far ahead of me in his journey with Christ. He sees Scripture and life in a way that I don’t yet. And that’s okay. It’s how it should be. I wouldn’t want to be ahead of him. I want him to guide me.

But I know too, that I am ahead of some. Ahead of many if you take into consideration those that are unregenerate. Normally, when I write a blog post it just comes to me…easy and natural. Without any effort on my part. This isn’t one of those posts. It isn’t coming easy, I’m not sure I have it in me to write this, and yet the idea just won’t leave me alone.

And so I’m going to write it.

Please bear with me if it’s choppy or otherwise wrong. I’m writing it because I can’t not write it…not because I want to.

A few days ago I wrote a post that I titled vessels. In it I hinted at this post…a post I had not yet written but a post I knew would come one day soon. Here is what I put in that post…

That brings me to a topic I want to cover in another post but will briefly touch on here. The Lord has planned our paths since before the beginning of time. I once said I wished the Lord would just reach down and put me where He wanted me. When I got off the path He'd reach down and move me back. Like a pawn in a game board. When I said that my mother told me to be careful what I was saying because living like that would be a bad thing. But for me it wouldn't be. I said that before I fully understood the Truths of Scripture. Now I know I'm nothing but a pawn in the Lord's game. He does put me where he wants me. And since He does, since the plan for my life was long ago mapped out...what and who had to be in place at certain points in my life to get me to where the Lord wanted me so that He could save me when He did. The people, good and bad, that were in my life...the experiences, good and bad...all added up to making sure I was who and what the Lord wanted me to be at the moment that He moved me into the next place. To get me to the point that He could save me...how many people crossed my path and effected who I was? How many people helped test and strengthen my faith? How many people helped break my spirit? How many vessels of destruction might the Lord have had to use to get me to be the person He wanted me to be?

 

There is something in Scripture that I still struggle with. Something I can’t fully understand. I’ve thought on it, prayed on it, discussed it with my husband. And yet…I still don’t fully understand. There are verses that imply that we are puppets on the Lord’s string, that we are pawns in His game. Arminians firmly believe that we have free will. The freedom to choose whether to believe in Christ or not. This belief in free will goes far beyond the freedom to choose Christ. It is a deep held belief that we have the freedom to choose anything.

But do we?

If the Lord is sovereign, if He has a plan for us…Do we have the freedom to choose anything? That is where I struggle. My husband tells me that we can choose some things and that the Lord will use it all to His glory. He will use our choices to bring about His plan. That when we step away from Him the Lord will draw us back.

Okay. I can understand that. But then I get to that point where I wonder just what I was allowed to choose and what was just a part of ‘The Plan’ as my daughter put it.

My husband often refers to my writing as an example. He tells me that the people I write about have no say in how the story goes. That because I am the author, I’m the one writing, everything is my choice. It’s my plan. It’s my story. And the people are in my story to serve a purpose.

I can understand that too. But I know…as a writer…that those people never have a say in what I write.

But…that is an issue that makes no difference except in how we as people, as believers see things. It doesn’t change the way they are.

But I like being a puppet on the Lord’s string. I like knowing that He will keep me on the path He has planned for me. It makes my mess-ups easier to bear. Makes life easier to bear because I know all I have to do is trust in the Lord and He will keep me where He wants me.

But what did it take to get me to the point of regeneration?

I don’t even know when I was regenerated, born again, saved…whatever term you want to place on it…I don’t know when I took that step on this journey.

I know two people that are regenerated. Out of the hundreds, thousands, of people I know…there are only two that I know are regenerated. Out of all the people I’ve ever known…there are two that I know were regenerated. There may have been more over the years and I just didn’t know. But I know of only two in my life.

If I throw myself into the mix…that brings me to three people that I know have been truly born again. I pray that I’m wrong…that I’ve miscounted, but if there are more than the fruit has not shown the spirit.

The more I’ve gotten to know these two people that are regenerated the more I’ve seen something that has made me question. You see…here’s where ‘The Plan’ comes in, where being puppets on a string comes in. The Lord, long before time began, knew who would live and who they would be. For some reason He chose some of those people to be His, a people set apart for Him. I’ve asked myself many times what did He see in me that made Him chose me over someone else? I know it was nothing I did.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10

I did nothing to gain His favor. I did nothing to earn salvation.

 I did nothing.

But for some reason He chose me. Out of all of time, out of the millions of people he could have picked…he chose me.

But…he didn’t just pick my name out of the many then forget about me. For we are his workmanship…which God prepared beforehand… I am His workmanship. He prepared me beforehand.

He prepared me.

That is what has been nagging at me, tugging at me, making me think, making me wonder. He prepared me.

He

Prepared

…Me.

How? In what way did He prepare me? What did He put in place in my life so that I could get to where He wanted me?

What did He put in the lives of the other two people I know that are regenerated so that He could save them? Save us?

If I walked into a group of people looking to find three people in the crowd that could do something for or with me I’d have an idea of what I was looking for.

Am I looking for people to help make a quilt? I’d want people that not only knew how to sew well but that knew how to piece material together, sandwich layers together, and turn it all into a quilt.

Am I moving? I’d want men that were strong enough to help carry the heavy stuff.

I may chose certain people out of a crowd and I may do it based on what appears to be who they are right now but I would need certain things to have gotten them to where I needed them today. Those quilters would have had to be taught how to sew, how to quilt, long before I walked into that crowd. The men I’d need to help me move would need the physical strength to lift on things like refrigerators and washing machines. They would need to have at least some background of physical work to get them that kind of strength. I wouldn’t be picking little girls or young boys for a job of moving heavy objects.

What, then, did the Lord put in the lives of the regenerate long before we were saved? What did He put in our lives that ensured we got to the place where He could save us?

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.  Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. Galatians 5:15-26

I never fail to get caught up on ‘I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God’. Those that do such things WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of God.  As I look down that list of things we are warned against, things we are told we cannot inherit the kingdom of God if we do, I see things I have done in my life. And yet…He saved me. Then I look at the list of the fruits of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control;

Love. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control.

Every one of those fruits are difficult to come by. They aren’t things that come naturally to man as a whole. Very few people can say they’ve always been gentle or that they’ve never struggled with self-control. They aren’t just in us. We may be blessed to come by a couple of those traits naturally but somewhere along the way, even those that are naturally patient or naturally peaceful…at some time they will struggle with something on that list.

And Scripture tells us that we aren’t naturally good. We come into this world filled with sin. And we struggle with it all of our days.

What then takes us from a sinful nature that seeks after the things we are told will keep us from inheriting the kingdom of God to having the fruits of the Spirit? What must the Lord put into place in our lives that make us into what He needs us to be when He saves us?

What?

Or who?

Of the three people I know that are regenerate, counting myself, not one of us came through childhood unscathed. We all experienced abuse. We all experienced the sort of things most parents try and protect their children from. I know there are many people with backgrounds such as ours, many children that experience abuse. Many children that learn to be adults long before they’re grown.

And most of them aren’t regenerate. Most of them are just as lost as everyone else. So…it wasn’t that. Except…was it? Did experiencing abuse as a child break us enough so that we would have a broken spirit later in life, so the Lord could save us when the time came?

Did being put in positions where we had to take care of ourselves, or others, long before we were old enough to be looking out for ourselves mature us so that we would have the maturity to give up the things of the world and seek after Christ?

It’s well understood that children that are given everything they want in childhood grow up to be selfish adults. It’s understood that children that live without discipline become brats.

I have a friend who very recently shared a philosophy of hers on raising children. In it she said that habits formed in childhood create the habits and personality of the person in adulthood. I doubt there’s anyone out there that would dispute that belief. What we are as children is usually what we become as adults. Usually…but not always.

I know someone that was very self-centered as a child. This person was violent and didn’t care if they hurt others. They aren’t that way as an adult. This person now cares about others. This person is helpful and considerate of others.

But even with the changes that took place in that persons personality their childhood still impacted who they are today. As parents we try to guide and mold our children into what we want them to become.

My daughter has a friend whose parents are both professionals. These parents have raised this girl to understand that college isn’t an option. The girl has said that very thing to my daughter. That she must go to college. In her family that is just the way it is. College is expected. A profession is expected. These parents have raised their children so that they believe they must go to college.

I don’t share those beliefs. Neither does my husband. Out of seven children, three of which are grown, one that soon will be, we have none seeking college. None that are after a profession. We simply have not ingrained into our children the belief that college is important.

We didn’t put the idea of college and a profession into our children’s lives when they were young and they aren’t seeking it now.

What did the Lord put in our paths in childhood that prepared us for the life He wanted us to live? What did He keep out of our paths that protected us from seeking things that would have taken us away from Him?

Romans 9:22-23 says…

What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, ²³ in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—

As I look back over my life I can see many people that affected my life. Many people that affected the choices I made. Because I knew that person, or because I saw that person’s life and the turns it took, I made choices that kept me off a certain path. There were people in my life that shaped my personality, experiences I had that affected my very nature…my spirit…my soul.

What if God…put those people there to make me who I am?

What if God…made me go through those experiences so that I could become who and what He wanted me to be?

What if God…planned it all ahead of time?

What if…I’m only a puppet on His string? Living the life He’s placed me in, experiencing the things He wants me to experience.

What if…

Only I don’t need the what if because I firmly believe the Lord did have a plan for my life, he did have everything mapped out, knowing ahead of time what He wanted me to be, and making everything work out so that I would become the person He wanted in the time He wanted me to be that person.

But I didn’t always see it that way. And even now…I marvel at the idea that those things I saw as so bad in childhood may well have been the very things that shaped me into who I became so that the Lord could save me.