What was it like for Paul?

Paul wrote most of the books in the New Testament. He didn’t walk the earth with Christ but he had an encounter with him. His teaching was vital to the growth of the church, to getting the message to God’s people.

But he didn’t start out that way.

9 But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest ² and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.

Not only wasn’t Paul…then called Saul…not a Christian but he was against Christians. He was out to get as many as he could and was willing to travel to do so. He even asked to be sent out so that if he found any Christians along the way he could bring them bound to Jerusalem.

Why?

What was so offensive about Christians that Paul was breathing threats and murder? Paul was clearly evil. He had a hatred for Christians in his heart and was willing to do what it took to get rid of them.

What had caused him to have such a hatred of them? Was it his upbringing? His family beliefs? His education? Society? Where and when did he develop such hatred for Christians? What kind of man was he? When he wasn’t arresting Christians who was he? Was he loud and boastful of his conquests? Was he filled with anger? Did the evil that he had done eat at him even if he wouldn’t acknowledge it? What kind of man was he?

Whatever kind of man he was, whatever his personality, the Lord was about to change him.

³ Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him.

Imagine going down the road and all of a sudden being surrounded by a light. What did Paul think as it surrounded him? Was he afraid? Astounded? Amazed? What kind of light was it? Did it bring warmth with it as the sun does or was it just a bright light? The only answer we have lies in Paul’s reaction…

⁴ And falling to the ground…

Why did he fall to the ground? Was the light so bright that he was blinded by it? We know that when he got up he was unable to see…

Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing.

But was he blinded by the light? Was he so shocked at the light that surrounded him that he fell to the ground? Was the light so hot that he sought to escape it? What about the light made him fall to the ground?

And what did he think when…

 he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”

There, surrounded by light, Paul heard the voice of the Lord. Did it send fear through him? He knew what he had been doing. Was he afraid that the Lord was retaliating? Did he know the fear of God in that moment? What did he think, feel, as he lay/sat on the ground surrounded by light? How long did it take him for form his answer?

⁵ And he said, “Who are you, Lord?”

Did he realize as he voiced the question that he had answered himself? Who are you, Lord. He knew to whom he was speaking even as he asked. Did he have some belief in Christ already to have called Him Lord?

And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.

Was he shocked that Jesus said he was persecuting Him and not the Christians he had been targeting? What thoughts and feelings went through him as he was accused of persecuting Christ? Had he adjusted to that accusation before he was told what to do?

⁶ But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.”

Did he fear what was to come when he got into the city? Was he afraid that he was about to be stoned or killed in some horrid way? Did he fear being imprisoned? Did he hesitate to do as he was told or did he quickly scramble to his feet?

⁸ Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing.

Did he panic when he realized he was blind? Did he cry out ‘I can’t see’? Did he wave his arms around and try to get his bearings. Or did he stand in fear, frozen in place, silent?

So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus.

How did he feel being led around like a small child, unable to see? He had so recently been a soldier, a warrior, hunting down Christians, arresting them, taking them in, and here he was unable to walk by himself. Had he been prideful before? Was he humbled then? Was he humiliated? Was he angry and bitter? Quiet?

⁹ And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.

Did he fear in those three days that he would never see again? Was he worried and stressed, his stomach tied in knots so that he couldn’t eat or drink? Did he stop eating and drinking as a way to fast? Was he so filled with shame, remorse, hurt, that he simply couldn’t eat for the disgust of what he had done? Or did he give up? Did he decide that if he couldn’t see, if he couldn’t be the man he was, that he didn’t want to go on?

Years ago I read a book where one of the men in it had been injured and paralyzed in an accident while working far from home. He was engaged to be married. The accident happened before the book started so when I came into the story it had already taken place. His fiancé rushed to him when she found out that he had been hurt. Upon her arrival she found him wounded but very much alive. Her worry turned to gratitude to discover the man she loved, the man she wanted to spend her life with, was still alive. That was her thoughts and feelings as she entered his hospital room.

His reaction to seeing her was completely different. He got angry, ended their engagement and sent her away. Because of his injuries he felt that he wasn’t the man he had been, felt that he couldn’t be a proper husband to her.

Did Paul react that way? Did he get angry and resentful? Did he feel that he wasn’t the man he had been and if he had to go through life without sight that he’d rather not live? Was that why he quit eating and drinking?

What was it like in those dark days? When he didn’t know what his future was, when he was dependent on others, what did he think and feel? Was his spirit broken? Did his heart hurt? Was he afraid? Angry?

What was it like for Paul?

…look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying,

In those dark days Paul turned to prayer. Was he crying out to God for forgiveness? For healing? In anguish did he beg God to save him?

What did Paul think when someone’s hands touched him? Was he afraid of what was to come? Did he hope his anguish was almost over? Did he dread what was to come? Or did he think…let’s get it over with?

¹⁷ So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”

Was Paul happy to hear those words? Was he excited at the thought of seeing again? Was he glad to know the Lord didn’t intend harm for him?

 ¹⁸ And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight.

How happy was he to be able to see again? Did he understand the changes that were happening to him? Did he welcome the Holy Spirit?

What was it like for Paul to go through such a huge change in his beliefs? Did he fear what others would do to him? Did he look forward to the task he was given?

What was it like for Paul?

 

Called to be seperate

On this rather long and winding path I have taken to get closer to Christ…a path I did not choose,  nor did I ask to be placed on…I have found myself being further and further separated from the things of this world and even, for the most part, the people of this world.

I have a sister that not only thrives on social connections but she seems to truly need them. I guess she’s always been that way. I, on the other hand, have never been that way. When I was a child, going to school, I needed…and I stress the word needed because I was lost without her…a best friend. She was always like a security blanket for me. So much so that when she would miss a day of school I was lost…all but didn’t know how to function…without her.

I had several best friends over the years of school and had the same dependency on all of them but as I got older I developed friendships with more of the girls I went to school with. Those friendships filled the days when my best friend wasn’t there. By the time I was in high school I no longer had that need. In fact, by then we had moved so much that I no longer had any close friends. I simply went through my days at school and went home. And I was okay with that.

As the years passed and I became an adult with a family of my own people…friends…came and went, family ties that were once strong faded away while those I had never been close to before became closer. Life…happened. And while it happened I found myself slowly…ever slowly…being pulled from the world and those in it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have strong relationships with family. I have friends. But I don’t have the same connections to the world a lot of people seem to have. I don’t need them and quite honestly…I don’t want them.

But looking back over the years I can see a separation from the world in me that started even in childhood. I was always the girl that was happy with one friend. As I grew older I was happy with only family relationships. I never felt the need to be surrounded by friends.

It’s neat to look back over our lives and see how the Lord prepared us for what we are today. The Lord…will separate us from the world. That was the point. It is a point I can’t make though without going all the way back to my childhood. Back to the days when…in kindergarten…I would stand just inside the classroom door and cry until my best friend arrived, back to the days that…when school was just too much…I would cry and the teacher would send me to the nurses office because I didn’t feel good and I would be sent home from school, back to the days when I literally didn’t know what to do on a day when my best friend was absent.

I was separated then. Separated from all the kids around me, separated from the life of school. I had no interest in it and no desire to be even a small part of it. And so I had that one friend that I was close to…and that made the days bearable.

From those days…the separation never ended. I was so often in the world but rarely was I a part of the world. Even in my teen years.

As a Christian that is a good thing. It’s what we’re called to be in Scripture. But it wasn’t until a few years ago that I began to understand that and it was much more recently that I was able to connect that separation that I feel in me to the calling that was placed upon me.

As I go through life…when I’m in town amongst the ‘world’…I feel no connection to it. There are things I enjoy doing but there is nothing I feel I must do…for myself, not the have to do this kind of tasks of caring for a family and a home.

It is a separation that allows me to enjoy the things in the world but to not feel the need to have the connections and interactions…and experiences…that so many do. It is a separation that takes me from the nonsense of this world and places me in the Lord’s will for me.

This separation…I have had family members say that I make being a Christian harder than it has to be because I separate from so much. What those family members don’t understand is that first, I didn’t choose that separation, it’s just there, and second, the separation makes everything easier. It takes the stresses and pressures of much of this world away and leaves me with a peace that only the Lord can give.

 

A shift in beliefs

 

 

As things in our country have escalated I have begun to wonder more and more how much of a difference parenting of old verses parenting of today has affected the condition of our world, of our country. As I think of the children of different families that I know, of the children I see in town, I wonder just how different our country would be if those children…mine included…had been raised in the same way children were raised in Bible days, in the 1700’s, 1800’s, even the early to mid-1900’s.

I saw something recently where someone said they are afraid of living in a world run by adults that weren’t spanked as children.

I have yet to figure out how much of the change in thought process and even behavior has to do with the shift in discipline styles and how much of it has to do with the shift in beliefs on how children should be treated and disciplined.

There is no doubt the Bible speaks of spanking. Even still it isn’t my intention to get into how to discipline a child in this post. That is a subject I feel is best not tackled. I do however wonder when and where the shift in discipline happened and how much of that shift is responsible for much of what is going on in our country today.

Now…let me first say that I believe the Lord is sovereign and that what is happening today is happening because He has allowed it to. Not only that but He has a purpose for it and will use it all to His glory. That said…I also believe that we can look at the happenings and see where changes and differences affected other changes. It doesn’t mean I don’t think the Lord willed it, it simply means I’m looking at it and seeing it from both sides.

Long ago I saw a program on TV where a boy of about ten did something wrong. I don’t remember what the boy did but I do recall that he and his dad were standing in the sheriff’s office. This was a show set in pre-1960’s and it showed. It showed in the attitude of the sheriff. It showed in the way the boy acted. It even showed in what the boy had done. I don’t remember the details of what the boy did but I do remember how the incident was handled. The sheriff told the dad that he had a woodshed out back and the boy was immediately taken out of the sheriff’s office presumably to be spanked.

I’m not about to start voicing my opinions on disciplining children. I’m not suggesting anyone discipline any child in a certain way. I’m simply comparing the ideas of discipline in times past to how it’s done today.

Not all that long ago there was a public disturbance in a town where the people protested an action taken by a police officer. Many believed that the actions of that officer were wrong and they protested it online, in the news, and between each other. In the midst of all the outrage I remember seeing someone write online about how we are dealing with generations of grown and near grown children that have been raised to believe entitlement is their right.

That person…in my opinion…perfectly addressed the real problem. Whether or not the police officer acted wrongly he was forced to make a decision based off what was happening around him and most likely acted more off training and instinct…instilled by many experiences in just such circumstance…than on thought out actions The problem regardless of whether or not the officer acted in ways he shouldn’t wasn’t so much what happened at the time of the incident but was clearly seen in what happened afterward.

A large number of people didn’t like what the officer did and as a result they basically threw a huge fit because they didn’t get their way, because they decided that someone was treated unjustly.

Were they?

Who knows.

But the fallout from the incident to me is a much greater issue than the incident itself. Why is it that people believe that when they don’t like something they can basically throw a fit in public and get that something changed to their liking.

I’m sure there are law enforcement officials that react in too harsh a way every day. I’m equally sure that there are law enforcement officers that go above and beyond to help others, that put their lives on the line for people they’ve never met every day.

It isn’t the actions of the officer in that incident that concern me. It’s the actions of the country in the days and weeks that followed it.

            It’s the idea that when something doesn’t go our way if we voice our opinion loud enough and long enough others will join in and we will be given what we want. It’s the idea that we can get attention simply by creating a big enough mess.

            It’s the idea that we’re entitled to something simply because we want it.

            And as I think back over history…I think of all the true injustices people suffered. I think of the hangings and shootings that happened in the name of justice. I think of Christ being killed because a group of people didn’t like what he was doing and they demanded to be given what they wanted. I think of how those in charge gave them what they wanted even as they said they saw no reason to kill Him.

            We know that the reason He was killed…the reason He gave His life…was to fulfill the Lord’s plan but there’s still the human side to it.

            And that human side showed the same kind of public outcry that we see today when people are given what they want even when their desires are wrong.

            Today…as in the days of Christ…the Lord is using all of that for His purpose. But my human mind still questions how much of what we’ve seen happening in our world lately is happening because of the shift in ideas…beliefs…attitudes?

           

 

 

Touching their earthly lives

Children are such a wonderful blessing from the Lord that they bring us much joy and enjoyment on earth. They enrich our lives so much and are often our first teachers on learning to deny ourselves and put others first.

Through our children we often learn to enjoy the Lord’s creation. Through them we learn to see the wonder in a caterpillar or in the rippling of water.

And through our children we are given our best chance to live out our faith before others. Our children learn from watching us and our faith…as true, born again Christians…will impact them.

It is a great privilege to be entrusted with such blessings.

What we often forget in our enjoyment and day to day encounters with our children is that we aren’t just raising these little people that bring so much to our earthly lives….we are raising souls that belong to the Lord.

While we pray for our children’s salvation, while we live the examples we want them to follow, we may forget to stop and remember that this child that belongs to us is actually a soul that doesn’t belong to us at all.

Their souls belong only to the Lord and it’s His place to do with them what he wants. We can only guide those souls in whatever small way the Lord will allow us.

I am a homeschooling mother. Have…in fact…homeschooled my children since before they were old enough to need any form of ‘school’. In the homeschool world there is great stock placed in curriculum. There are conventions where all manner of it are displayed. You can order magazines about it, get catalogs delivered to your door that can eat up hours and hours of your days. There are hundreds if not thousands of websites offering everything from single subjects to all-inclusive curriculums. There are ‘Christian’ curriculums, secular curriculums, and more. You name it if you want to teach it to your child you can probably find it.

There are whole models of education formed around certain ideas of how you should teach your children. And there are complete models formed around the idea that you can’t teach your child, that children learn when they are ready and not before no matter what…or how much…you pump into them.

Some families are ‘homeschoolers’. That is their identity. It’s who they are and it describes everything about how they live their lives, much the way other people describe being ‘doctors’ or ‘world travelers’. It is…quite simply…who they are. And they take pride in who they are.

There are many families among the homeschool world that homeschool for the sole purpose of being able to pump ‘Christian’ content into their children. They believe that it is their place to be the religious instruction for their children and that that should include their children’s education.

Let me say…I agree with that…to a point. I do believe that as parents we have a responsibility to teach our children of our beliefs, to live out those beliefs to them, and to give them the gospel.

I don’t however believe that we can instruct our children into salvation…which is basically what some among the homeschool world are attempting to do.

Being entrusted with children…with souls…by the Lord is a privilege that comes with the added privilege of being able to live out our faith in front of our children and the ability to give them the gospel as we will probably never be able to give it to anyone else. Part of that privilege is the joy of watching our children grow and learn.

I have met many a homeschooling parent and curriculum provider that believed that getting ‘Christian’ beliefs into the ‘Christian’ child was the single most important purpose of home educating them.

The trouble with this philosophy is that it completely misses the Biblical teaching that salvation is of the Lord and that we can’t work our way into it.

If we could…if we had to…if our children’s salvation rested in our hands and in how much of the Scriptures we could get into their hearts…we would fail. Miserably.

Because salvation rests in the Lords hands alone. He is the only one that can save our children and He will do so at His will regardless of what we do or do not do.

The vessels of God’s mercy (Romans 9:22-23) are prepared for eternal glory by the Lord and they are prepared according to the plan He has in place for them. When the time is right the Lord will draw (John 6:44) or more accurately according to the Greek text…draw…their hearts and souls to Him.

What has gone into their hearts and minds prior to that moment is only what was placed in their lives so that the Lord could get them to the place where He would save them.

If it was required of us…as parents…to put everything into our children that would save them…we would fail. We simply cannot put the love of Christ into their hearts so that they will love Him above all else. Sin lives in their hearts from birth and it will take root and grow despite our best efforts to weed it out.

This sin kills our children’s hearts so much so that they are dead in sins. Only the Lord can give them life from those sins and it’s His will to do so or not and there’s nothing that we…or they…can do to affect that. While our children are dead in their sins they are in complete darkness, lost to their sins, so much so that the darkness they live in will keep them from Christ…aside from a basic head knowledge that will allow them to profess a belief that does not reach their hearts.

That is the best condition that we can hope to ‘impart’ to them through anything that we…or they…do. Everything else…salvation…is in the Lord’s hands. It’s a gift that he pours out into those that He chooses to receive it. A gift is something that is freely given, not something we work to earn.

The educating of our children in the ways of the Lord may give them a head knowledge, it may restrain them in their sins, but it will not give them salvation.

Oh, but if we could. How great it would be to focus all of our earthly time and attention on our children’s souls and know that we were giving them their very salvation.

I would gladly spend every hour of every day working the Truth of Christ into my children’s hearts if only it would save them.

But Scripture tells us that isn’t the way salvation works and that nothing I do will save my children. The good news in that is that nothing I do…no failure on my part… will cast them into hell either.

They came into this world souls that belong to the Lord, to be used for His purpose…whatever that may be…and they will go out of this world the same way.

I can only touch their earthly lives to the extent the Lord allows me to do so.

 

Are you a fatalistic Christian?

I recently found myself in the midst of a conversation that eventually led to the other person asking me if I was a fatalistic Christian. I must admit the question stumped me because I had no idea what the term meant. After some research and a discussion with my husband I found myself before the computer trying to pull my thoughts and beliefs together as I pondered the answer I would give. I wasn’t intending to write out an answer at that time only to get my thoughts in order so that I could answer and in the end what I wrote was a reply.

 

You see…I believe what I see in Scripture…nothing more, nothing less. If what I see in scripture makes me a Christian fatalist then maybe I am but to me I simply believe what I see in Scripture.

 

The question as to whether or not I’m a fatalistic Christian wasn’t a question that came out of the blue. It was part of a bigger conversation (carried out through email) that had been going on for some time, gradually leading up to the point where the question was asked. That question and the conversation it was a part of has made me grow and learn as I wrote out my own answers. My own thoughts have been clarified, my own understanding taken deeper as I explained my position through each step of this conversation.

 

I believe that the very nature of how we approach Scripture affects what we believe and we get out of it. But it isn’t just that…those same beliefs are affecting how we see life and how we live out our faith.

 

In the last year I have done more studying and learning of scripture and the things of scripture than I ever have in my life. My beliefs have grown and changed as I’ve come to better understand my own beliefs. In all that learning I’ve learned that there are two ways to see the basics of God. We have God saving man or we have man working his way to God. And in those two ways of seeing it are two very different beliefs that affect pretty much all of how a person believes. It is what everything else boils down to. It’s the very basics of how we relate to all of Scripture.

 

As I see it…it is God saving us all on His own. There’s nothing we can do, have done, or will ever do that will or could have changed His decision to save us. On the other hand…the other way of approaching Scripture leads to a belief that something a person does places them into the position to attain salvation. That may be through their ‘choice’ to believe in Christ or it may be in their attempt to work their way into salvation in some way. But for me the only way I can see it is to start with God and only God. I can’t do anything but give all the credit to Him and none of the credit to me or anything I’ve ever done or will ever do.

 

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9 NASB)

 

 Either of those above views will affect not only how we believe but it will affect nearly every other thing we do in life. Those are fundamental beliefs that are the base of where so many of our other beliefs come from.

 

When I read Scripture I read it in black and white. As part of the conversation that led to the question about whether or not I’m a fatalistic Christian the topic of Eli came up. It was a rather long conversation that went back and forth for a while. But it was only a part of a much bigger conversation. The entire conversation spanned everything from Eli to marriage and the raising of children.

 

 Here is my response…

 

All I can see in Eli’s story is a man that was a priest…and so had to live an outwardly faithful and obedient life…who raised two son’s that sinned in adulthood. That Eli reprimanded them…possibly out of love…but failed to fulfill the duties of his position as priest and was punished for it. He took in a child that wasn’t his and possibly treated him as his own…shown in him calling Samuel ‘my son’…and in the end raised two son’s that ended up sinning and were destroyed as a result of it and one…almost…son that grew up to be righteous. That is what I see. And if you look to Eli’s story…that’s all that’s there. Nothing else. That is the black and white of Eli in Scripture.

 

If I were to take Eli’s story further I would have to point to Malachi 1:3 and Romans 9:13 where it says Jacob have I loved, Esau I hated. These were two brothers, raised by the same parents, what made the difference here? Why was one loved and the other hated? Did Esau gain the Lord’s hate because his parents failed to walk out an unfeigned faith in front of him? Did Jacob gain the Lord’s love because his parents did walk out an unfeigned faith? They were the same parents. It can’t be both ways…either the parents showed the kind of unfeigned faith you speak of or they didn’t. And yet they raised two sons that did not receive the same treatment from the Lord. One was loved, the other hated. Why? Because of something the parents did? Or maybe because…

 

What shall we say then? There is no injustice with God, is there? May it never be! 15For He says to Moses, "I WILL HAVE MERCY ON WHOM I HAVE MERCY, AND I WILL HAVE COMPASSION ON WHOM I HAVE COMPASSION." 16So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy Romans 9:15-16

 

If you want to look to the old testament…

 

18Then Moses said, "I pray You, show me Your glory!" 19And He said, "I Myself will make all My goodness pass before you, and will proclaim the name of the LORD before you; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion on whom I will show compassion." Exodus 33:18-19

 

Here, in the black and white of Scripture, I see the Lord loved Jacob and hated Esau because He chose to have mercy on one and not the other. Per Romans 9:16… then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy. There’s no room in that…that I can see…for any actions either of the person being saved or not saved or of the parents. It’s all in the Lord’s hands…I will have mercy on whom I have mercy. Where does the parents actions come into that? Where does even our own actions come into it?

 

From there I look to Romans 9:22-23…

 

What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, ²³ in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—

 

I see no room in any of that for the outward displays of faith of any person in their salvation or in their children’s salvation. The Lord specifically said…I will have mercy on whom I have mercy. That’s it…all God…all Christ…no man. If that doesn’t spell it out enough I see in Romans 9:22-23 where it says he has prepared some for destruction in order to save those he has prepared for mercy. Again I see God…no man. It’s what He has planned, His design, His decree…nothing of man. Nothing of parents. Just God. 

 

Going back to Eli…we have three sons…three young men raised by the same man. Two were destroyed, one was chosen by God. Why? They were raised by the same person. If the dads unfeigned faith or lack of it was the reason for the sins of the two sons why didn’t the third one follow the same path? He had not only Eli as an example but Eli’s sons as well. Of the three if example was the reason for their destruction Samuel should have been the least likely to be saved. But the two sons were destroyed and Samuel was saved. Again…why? If the answer lies only in Eli’s unfeigned faith or lack of it…what made two wind up destroyed and the third saved?

 

If on the other hand we look at it in the black and white…we know nothing of Eli’s faith one way or the other beyond what we know of what it took to become a priest…and we know nothing of how he raised his children and Samuel and if we look first to God…His plan, His purpose, His decree, His choice…and know that He loved Jacob and hated esau, who had the same parents setting the same example for them and if Scripture tells us…I will have mercy on whom I have mercy…and that there are ‘vessels of wrath prepared for destruction’ and ‘vessels of mercy’…what do we have? Could it possibly be that Eli’s sons were vessels of destruction? If I were to look to Eli’s story again and if I wanted to read anything of great significance into his story it would be…Now Eli’s sons were worthless men. They did not know the Lord. 1 samuel 2:12…the kjv says… Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial; they knew not the Lord. That wasn’t Eli’s failure. If the point of Eli’s story was to show us Eli’s failure as a parent to raise his children to have an ‘unfeigned faith’ would we not be told something like…Eli’s children were worthless because Eli’s faith wasn’t strong enough to point them in the right direction? If the purpose of Eli in the ot was to show us how not to parent our children wouldn’t we see that in the black and white of Scripture? Instead we see the story of the saving of one boy…which placed him into his place in the greater plan of God…and therefore of the salvation of the Elect…than we do of any other thing. We have two sons that were destroyed, one saved. Why?

 

I see vessels of destruction and a vessel of mercy. We know that only Christ was sinless therefore Samuel would have sinned. What made the sins of Eli’s sons any worse than the sins that Samuel committed? Were the sins of Eli’s sons so great that they earned them death while the sins of Samuel didn’t deserve the same? The only way that makes sense to me is to see it through the eyes of the black and white of Scripture…I will have mercy on whom I have mercy…and to see that quite possibly the sons were the vessels of destruction while Samuel was the vessel of mercy.

 

Does that make me a Christian fatalist? I don’t know. I guess it depends on how you see Christian fatalism. I do believe the Lord is sovereign in all, that’s it’s his creation…including people…to do with as he sees fit. I believe he will save His elect and won’t save the non-elect. I believe that there’s nothing we can do to become one of the elect and that there’s nothing we can do to keep from becoming one of the elect.

 

I don’t believe we can work our way to Christ. I don’t believe we can work our children to Christ. I don’t believe that if we just pump enough Scripture into them and set a good enough example we can get them to a place where God will ‘visit their hearts’. In Scripture we are commanded to teach the gospel…this is to our children as well as all others. We are to share it. Our faith…if we are truly regenerate should be a natural extension that manifests itself in ways that others will know we are different but I don’t believe we are to live out a system of works that will gain us closer access to the Lord. I don’t believe that if we can just act a certain way, teach our children a certain way, that the Lord will ‘visit their hearts’ or save them in any way. I believe that He will save them or not according to His will and not through anything we do or do not do. I don’t believe that if we can just live out a life of sinless perfection that He will in any way owe us anything where our children (or ourselves) are concerned.

 

If that was the way it worked neither my husband nor I would have been saved. Neither one of us ever had that ‘unfeigned faith’ lived out before us.

 

 To me…the outward showing of faith comes from an inward change. It’s the byproduct of what has happened in the heart and soul and has nothing to do with any physical or verbal actions on our part. If our salvation is real then the Lord will change our heart and our lives will show that but it will be because it is a natural manifestation of the changes of our hearts and souls and not a conscious, outward work that we do because we are trying to reach God.

 

No matter how good we are, no matter how religious we are, no matter how many outward works we do…we can’t reach Christ, or get our children to Christ. Only He can save us (or them) and He will do that or not no matter what we do or do not do.

 

I don’t believe faith is inherited. I don’t believe we can live out our faith in a way that our children will ‘catch’ it the way they would the chicken pox. I believe that our children will be influenced by us, by our lives and actions, by our beliefs and faith but that they will in no way be saved because of them. Their salvation rests in the Lords hands and nowhere else.

People can show a belief they do not feel. This can show up in the way they dress, their commitment to a physical church building, the way they raise their children, the things they say or do. Just because they show an outward system of works that makes them look to be a Christian that doesn’t mean they have been saved by the Lord.

 

Everything we do should be in obedience to the Lord. We are to try and avoid all sin but when we fail…no if, but when…we are forgiven in Christ.

 

 

This brings me back to where I was before. My belief is that our faith comes straight from the Lord. It is not a result of anything we have done nor is it a result of anything our parents did or did not do in raising us. It is the Lord’s will to draw us to him and to save us and it is a gift from Him that should be seen as such. With no assumption that we can work our children into the same gift or that if we can live out a life of works that He will somehow owe us the salvation of our children. That was a very difficult point for me to get around. And to accept.

 

All of that to say everything I do, every view I have on life, stems from the belief that it is God that saved me and I can’t work my way to Him.

 

Is that Chrsitian fatalism? See it as you want to but for me it is nothing more than putting my life into my Lord’s hands and accepting whatever plan He has in place for me.

 

 I do not believe in free will. We are God’s creations. He does with us what He wants to do with us. That includes the miniscule things in our lives as well as the huge things in our lives. We are His whether we want to be or not, whether we acknowledge His existence or not, and He does with us what He wants to. (This was in response to a comment of us acting out of our own free will)

 

Either we believe God is sovereign or we don’t. If he is sovereign than everything…great and small…are within his command. If He isn’t sovereign than He really has no control.

 

If believing what I see in Scripture and believing that the Lord controls everything in His creation makes me a fatalist believer then that’s what I am. As I saw recently…’In the beginning God. Not ‘in the beginning man’. The Lord created all…people included…He saves who he wants to and doesn’t save who he wants to and all that we are is within His control and plans.

 

 

 

The importance of people

I was reading in Romans this morning and came to…

Is this blessing then only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumcised? For we say that faith was counted to Abraham as righteousness. ¹⁰ How then was it counted to him? Was it before or after he had been circumcised? It was not after, but before he was circumcised. ¹¹ He received the sign of circumcision as a seal of the righteousness that he had by faith while he was still uncircumcised. The purpose was to make him the father of all who believe without being circumcised, so that righteousness would be counted to them as well, ¹² and to make him the father of the circumcised who are not merely circumcised but who also walk in the footsteps of the faith that our father Abraham had before he was circumcised. Romans 4:9-12

When I read that section it made me pause and think. My mind grabbed onto… The purpose was to make him the father of all who believe without being circumcised, so that righteousness would be counted to them as well,…and wouldn’t let go.

There’s a song that I first heard about eight years ago that speaks of Mary and asks if she knew what she had in her son. When I first heard that song I was amazed by it. It made me stop and think. Made me ponder. Made me really wonder, as a mother, if Mary did know what she held when she held her brand new baby. Did she have any idea of just how important He was?

The verses in Romans 4 affected me that way too. Here was Abraham. A man going about his life. He worked, he cared for his family. Human nature gives us the understanding that he had to hurt, worry, fear, be happy, be sad, get sick, have health problems, get tired, experience exhaustion…and the list goes on. He was an ordinary man.

Yet Scripture tells us… The purpose was to make him the father of all who believe. Did he have any idea as he went about his daily life how important he was? Did he understand the plan the Lord had for him? Did he have any concept of who and what he was in the plan of God’s people? Could he even grasp the importance he would play?

As I read those verse those were the thoughts that stood out to me. Could Abraham have had any idea of just how important he was? But then I got to thinking of all the other Biblical figures whose lives we can read about and know of the importance they held. We can know…but did they?

Did Adam have any idea of how important his life would be on all of mankind? Did he realize that by sinning he was, in fact, causing the death and destruction of not only himself but of millions…billions…of people? Could he have even fathomed that many people? Did he know that his sin would have a profound effect on the world for all time?

Did Eve have any idea of the importance of what she did when she gave the forbidden fruit to Adam? Did she understand her role in the fall of man? Or did she see what she did only through the way it pertained to her and Adam? Was she, like most of us, only aware of the affect of her actions as they happened? Did she only see the cause and effect of this moment in time with no understanding of the long term consequences of what she did?

Did Noah understand how important he was in the world when he and his family were the only people saved out of the entire world? Did he know the importance of being the only person to find favor with God? Did he understand how important his place would be in the ancestry of the entire world for all time?

Years ago my sister told me about a television program she had seen that talked about a common ancestor all people have. Apparently scientists have discovered some gene in all people that is a common gene…everyone has it. According to what my sister told me, scientist called this the mother Eve (or something like that) gene and attributed it to the fact that all of mankind had a common beginning.

I don’t remember anything else my sister might have said about that program but as I remember that small amount now I have to wonder if Noah, if Adam and Eve, knew or understood the importance they would have on the beginnings and on the existence of all of mankind?

Did they know?

Did they understand?

What of all the other people we see in Scripture? They had an important role to play, they served a purpose in the plan of God, but did they understand…could they understand…as they lived out their lives the importance of their place in the Lord’s plan for mankind?

Hold fast

Trials and tribulations come our way. There’s nothing we can do about it but ride out the storm when it hits. We must simply get through it the best we can. I recently had a discussion with my daughter where I told her that it isn’t in the easy times that we grow and learn but in the midst of the hard times that we gain our greatest growth.

It’s in those hard times that so many cry out to the Lord, both the saved and the unsaved…the regenerate and the reprobate. Many people who won’t acknowledge Christ at any other time do so in the midst of trouble or despair. That seems to be something ingrained deep in our human hearts and minds. For many this reaching out to Christ in times of need is as natural as breathing even if they don’t acknowledge His existence at any other time.

For the regenerate though…what do we have to gain during the times of our greatest trials? It’s easy to hold onto our faith…whether real or only surface deep…when things are good, when life is easy. It’s during those times of great stress and personal pain that the truth is so often seen.

I know of at least one person that was saved, regenerated, during a time of deep personal pain. In crying out to the Lord in that pain this person was saved. It was instant. And this person felt the difference. How many people are saved by the Lord during their deepest moments of anguish?

But for those that have already been saved what do we have to learn and gain from that deep place of pain? The Lord has a purpose for all our trials and tribulations. There’s a purpose for everything we experience. What might He be trying to teach us in those moments of despair when we’d do anything to escape the troubles we’re going through?

He’s already saved us, already brought us to Him. That can’t be the purpose of the pain. There has to be something else there. Why would He put us in a situation to go through such hurt when our salvation can’t be the reason?

Is it to teach us a lesson? To punish us for something? To bring us to a deeper understanding of Him? To change something in us? To get us to do something that is in His plan?

We can’t know the answers to those questions until after the pain has passed, until after we have weathered the storm and come out on the other side. Even then we may never know the reason but we can know that there is a reason. We can know that He has a purpose and a plan. We can know that we are to hold fast to our Lord and our faith and ride out the storm.

And we can trust that He is taking us somewhere even if we would rather not go there at the time.

Free will

I’ve found myself in several deep conversations lately as a result of an ongoing discussion with a friend. My husband and I speak often of deep subjects but this conversation with my friend has spawned not only many discussions with my husband but it has also been the cause of a discussion with my sister in law and the cause of much research and Bible reading.

During the course of this conversation with my friend the topic of free will came up. I don’t know who was more surprised…my friend when I said I don’t believe in free will, or me that she was surprised I don’t believe in free will. My surprise came because this friend is second only to my husband in how much she knows about me.

I’ve talked to this friend about so much, let her be privilege to so much of who I am and what I think and feel. And so it was something of a surprise to realize that she didn’t know I don’t believe in free will.

Instead I believe in a God that’s sovereign, a God that controls everything.

I watched a video not long ago by a man that was refuting free will. In it he said something like the Lord is in control of everything that comes to pass. But what stuck with me so strongly, so profoundly, was what he said next…and what comes to pass? The wind blows, we blink, dogs run. That was so meaningful for me.

We blink.

And the Lord controls it.

Yet…this friend of mine, this friend that knows me so well, had no idea that I held that belief. And that surprised me. I’ve been careful what I say to family, careful what I say to most others, but this friend…she’s been privy to my innermost thoughts and beliefs. But more than that she’s one of the few people that actually knows I am the writer of my blog. And there in the posts are all my beliefs.

But apparently…somehow…not my belief on free will.

Years ago I told my mother that I wished I was like a pawn on a chessboard, that when I made a wrong move the Lord would reach down and move me back to the place I was supposed to be. My mother told me to be careful what I said because I wouldn’t really want life to be that way. My response then was the same as it would be today: Oh, yes I do!

Little did I know then that life is very much that way. We are completely within the Lord’s control.

And that is exactly where I want to be.

But somehow I have failed to convey that to the person that, after my husband, knows the most about my innermost thoughts and feelings. That has left me questioning how, exactly, this friend didn’t know that. Did I fail to tell her what I truly believe? If so that’s no longer the case. Did I somehow fail to convey those beliefs in the things I’ve said? Or did she not pick up on what I was meaning since I didn’t spell it out in so many words?

I don’t know how it happened but either way…she knows now.

And so much of what I believe can be summarized as the man in that video said…

We blink.

So simple, so profound. We blink. And the Lord controls all that comes to pass. We blink. Our eyes close for a second and open again. Our eyelashes flutter. Something so insignificant that we don’t pay it any attention. We blink.

I read somewhere that the urge to blink is triggered by the feel of tiny dust particles on our eyelashes. So we blink our eyes to dispel the dust before it gets into our eyes.

As we go about the course of our day, of our life, we blink…how many times? Hundreds? It’s something that holds no meaning, seems to serve no purpose. And yet it does. We blink. Blinking is apparently the result of our bodies clearing away a foreign object before it can invade one of the most sensitive parts of our bodies. It is our bodies way of keeping the eyes clean and moisturized.

There is a purpose to it.

We blink.

Not because it’s insignificant but because it clears away foreign objects so small we can’t even feel them…but the tiny hairs on our eyelids can…and protects our bodies from who knows what. And we see blinking as just something we do.

But it has a greater meaning. It’s part of a bigger plan. It has a purpose, a point. It doesn’t just happen. It’s a response, a reason.

We blink.

We don’t freely choose to blink. Sure, we can make our eyes blink. Sometimes we do so to entertain a child, or even ourselves, but most of the time we blink without thought.

Much like breathing. Have you ever noticed how hard it gets to breathe when you try and make yourself do it? Breathing is so effortless that it happens while we sleep, while we walk and talk, while we’re occupied with the hundreds and thousands of other things we do but that effortless action ceases to be effortless the minute we start trying to control it. I’m not talking about holding your breath. I’m talking about trying to consciously make yourself breathe.

If you’ve never tried it I highly recommend you do so.

All of a sudden what is a natural function goes from happening without any thought or action on your part and becomes something that takes your total attention. You must actively think about making yourself breathe. Your attention becomes focused on that single effort. You can’t make yourself breathe and do something else. The minute your mind goes to doing something else the effort it took to make yourself take a breath is gone…it goes back to being a natural function that requires no effort on your part.

You must battle your own body to make yourself breathe.

Or…you can simply relax, focus on other things, and let your body do what it was designed to do. When you do so the battle against your body ceases.

Why?

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, ²⁵ nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. Acts 17:24-25

The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life. Job 33:4

Thus says God, the Lord, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it: Isaiah 42:5

I can’t help but see the profound sovereignty of my Lord in the above verses. What do they say about our Lord?

The God who made the world and everything in it… gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. What does that say? What does it mean? He gives not only life, not just breath but everything. Everything.

We have nothing without him.

What then of ‘free will’? We have nothing without the Lord…do we then have the freedom of choosing everything we do? Man would have us think we do. But if we do…then we become responsible for that everything. Scripture says it doesn’t work that way. Scripture says we have everything because God has given it to us.

We’re not only told that the Lord gives us breath but that it’s His breath that gives us life. In Genesis 2:7 we’re told…

Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

We didn’t choose life, we don’t just have what we have because…well, because we do…breath and everything is given by the Lord.

I’ve been told that my marriage is a result of a choice I made. This doesn’t take into consideration that Scripture tells us…what God has joined together. It only takes into consideration that I chose to marry my husband. It was a choice I made, something I entered into…apparently out of my own ‘free will’...even though Scripture tells us that in marriage it is God that joins the couple together.

I’ve been told that having babies was a choice I made. That I deliberately chose to have them and therefore they weren’t of the Lord’s will.

How can that be?

… he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.

Everything. My husband is something that was given to me. My children were given to me. Scripture tells us that children are a blessing from the Lord. Take note of the last part…from the Lord. Anything from the Lord isn’t the result of our choosing. It isn’t a result of our will.

If God is sovereign how can our will make him give us something? How can we acquire a husband…which Scripture says is what God has joined together…out of our choice? If the breath of life is given to man from the Lord how could any choice I made bring my children into existence?

None of that…none of anything…comes about out of our ‘free will’ but out of the will of the Lord and the things He chooses to give us. He…gives…everything. And what is everything?

We blink.

Something so small, so ordinary, so every day, that we pay no attention to it. And yet it was designed to serve a greater purpose. It is an important part of the functioning of our body…so much so that it happens in response to the least stimuli.

We blink.

Think again of what happens when we make ourselves breathe. How hard does breathing become. Scripture explains that too.

If he should set his heart to it and gather to himself his spirit and his breath, all flesh would perish together, and man would return to dust.  Job 34:14-15

How long could we survive if we had to make ourselves breathe? How long would that breath of life stay in us if we had to control our breathing? What would happen to our breathing…something it takes all of our focus to make happen…when we eat? When we sleep? Sleeping wouldn’t even be a possibility. We would suffocate ourselves the minute we fell asleep. And there would go life. In fact life would never happen because there is no newborn baby that can ever make themselves breathe. They don’t have the ability to do so. It must be involuntary until they are old enough…have grown and developed enough…to not only control their thoughts but to control their bodies. They would die the minute they were born because they wouldn’t have the ability to breathe.

But that doesn’t happen. Why? Because the Lord breathes life into us, He gives us breath as well as life. And so we live. Not because we will it but because He does.

What person ever asked to be born before they were even conceived?

It’s not our will to have life but His. How then can we assume that the God that made the earth, the God that gave us life out of His will then sits around waiting for us to use our ‘free will’ before he can work in our lives?

The answer to these questions…and so many more…lie within the pages of the Bible. Acts 17:26 goes on to tell us…

And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place,

Look closely at that last part… having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place. In that verse we’re told that the Lord has determined…decided…chosen…the time period in which we will live and the location that we will live in. If that isn’t enough to tell us that we are but a product of the Lord’s will…

 “‘In him we live and move and have our being’ Acts 17:28

In him we live. In Him we move. In Him we have our being. In Him. Not out of our ‘free will’, not out of our choices but in Him. In Him we have…everything.

We blink.

²⁹ Being then God's offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man.

To say that man has the ‘free will’ to choose and to do disregards so much of Scripture. It takes away the Lord’s sovereignty and places control in the hands and minds of man. It makes God an image in the mind of man…an image that sits around ‘allowing’ us to mess up the life He gave us. It takes the sovereign God of the Bible and turns Him into some paltry being that must wait on man to do something before He can act. Paul so clearly covers that with only a few words that it is so profound in its simplicity.

But who are you, O man…Romans 9:20

Who are you, O man? He is clearly calling the will of man into question. Who do you think you are you mere mortal? You’re questioning a holy God and you think you have the right. Who are you…O man?

Who are you, O man… Who are you, who am I, in reference to an all holy God? Look at a single grain of dirt. Can you make it? Can you make something so simple, so basic, as dirt? I can’t. God did. He made that and more. It’s all there before us. In his creation. He made the dirt and he placed it where He wanted it to be. And He made us and put us where he wants us to be. And yet people want to say that man has the free will to decide if they will believe in God.

 

We blink. Because He made us to do so. We breathe because He gave us life. The above paragraph was taken from the response I wrote to my friend. We can’t make dirt and we can’t make ourselves breathe long enough to sustain our lives for more than a short time. Can you make your heart beat? Can you make your brain function?

 

But people dare to believe that their will controls anything in life. We can’t even control our own ability to live.

 

Who are you, O man…

 

Who are you to question God? Who are you to answer back to God? Who are you…O man…he’s saying you’re nothing but man. God is sovereign, he’s holy, he’s so far beyond man that man is only…o man… and we have no place to question Him.

 

If God is sovereign man has no free will. If man has free will God is not sovereign. It’s either or. It can’t be both. That’s like saying the sky is the ground. Either its sky or its ground. It can’t be both. It’s one or the other. To say that God is sovereign but man has ‘free will’ is to say man and God are on equal levels. God is sovereign…he can do anything, can control anything, but man is powerful in the exercising of his own desires. That puts man on the same level as God. We have the total ability to control what we will believe. We have the total ability to choose…’free will’…to believe in Christ or not. And it disregards John 6:44…

 

No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him…

 

This says it’s not man that chooses Christ. It’s God that draws man to Christ. It’s not man’s ‘free will’ to choose Christ but God’s will to call him to him.

 

Who are you, O man?

 

Who am I?

 

We can see the very nature of God in all of Scripture. We can see so much of Who the Lord is and who we are not.

 

Who am I that an all sovereign God would take the time to care anything about me? Who am I that a holy God would notice that I even exist? Who am I that he would pay any attention to me? Who am I that a perfect God would love me despite my sins?

 

We’re talking about a God that spoke the world into existence. A God that formed man from dust. A God that wiped out nations. A God that destroyed everything in the world.

 

Who am I?

 

We’re told… What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. (James 4:14). And still there are so many that speak of ‘free will’.

 

It hurts my heart to even think of ‘free will’. I ache when I read…who are you, O man. My soul cries out as I say…who am I.

Who am I?

I’m nothing. Just a mere person. My life is but a moment in time for a purpose not of my doing but of my Lord’s. I’m here to take my place in his plan. So much of my life feels as if it’s about me but in reality it’s but a marker in the entire plan of a sovereign God that is working out His will for all of mankind.

Who am I in that?

We blink…

And I’m told that ‘free will’ is the very core of being a Christian. My friend, in her questioning, told me to look to the scriptures. What can I do but cry out…I have. I have looked at the Scriptures. I have studied them. And I’m left asking…who am I, O man?

I see the verses that speak of choosing and I admit I don’t fully understand how all that fits in with the so many verses that show, and prove, that the Lord is working His will in mans life. But when I look to Scripture all I see is the Lord’s will. I can’t find man’s ‘free will’ anywhere.

My friend pointed me to Revelation and the verse that says “'Whosoever will, take freely of…”

I looked that verse up. It’s Revelation 22: 17 and it says…

And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.

Look at it. Think about it. Remove the idea of ‘free will’ from your mind and look again. It does say… whosoever will…but…think of that in light of Scripture. Use Scripture to interpret it. How many places in Scripture do we see that man’s hearts are hardened? We can go in depth and look at the why, and the Who, does the hardening of those hearts. Yes, Scripture says whosoever will but it isn’t the ‘free will’ of man. It isn’t God sitting by idly twiddling His thumbs while He waits for man to…Please, please, please…come to Him.

It’s whosoever will according to Scripture…according to the will of God.

And so…look to the Scriptures. I have. And I see God. All God…no man. It’s His creation to do with as He pleases and do with it He does.

We blink.

Who am I…