What was it like for Paul?

Paul wrote most of the books in the New Testament. He didn’t walk the earth with Christ but he had an encounter with him. His teaching was vital to the growth of the church, to getting the message to God’s people.

But he didn’t start out that way.

9 But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest ² and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.

Not only wasn’t Paul…then called Saul…not a Christian but he was against Christians. He was out to get as many as he could and was willing to travel to do so. He even asked to be sent out so that if he found any Christians along the way he could bring them bound to Jerusalem.

Why?

What was so offensive about Christians that Paul was breathing threats and murder? Paul was clearly evil. He had a hatred for Christians in his heart and was willing to do what it took to get rid of them.

What had caused him to have such a hatred of them? Was it his upbringing? His family beliefs? His education? Society? Where and when did he develop such hatred for Christians? What kind of man was he? When he wasn’t arresting Christians who was he? Was he loud and boastful of his conquests? Was he filled with anger? Did the evil that he had done eat at him even if he wouldn’t acknowledge it? What kind of man was he?

Whatever kind of man he was, whatever his personality, the Lord was about to change him.

³ Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him.

Imagine going down the road and all of a sudden being surrounded by a light. What did Paul think as it surrounded him? Was he afraid? Astounded? Amazed? What kind of light was it? Did it bring warmth with it as the sun does or was it just a bright light? The only answer we have lies in Paul’s reaction…

⁴ And falling to the ground…

Why did he fall to the ground? Was the light so bright that he was blinded by it? We know that when he got up he was unable to see…

Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing.

But was he blinded by the light? Was he so shocked at the light that surrounded him that he fell to the ground? Was the light so hot that he sought to escape it? What about the light made him fall to the ground?

And what did he think when…

 he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”

There, surrounded by light, Paul heard the voice of the Lord. Did it send fear through him? He knew what he had been doing. Was he afraid that the Lord was retaliating? Did he know the fear of God in that moment? What did he think, feel, as he lay/sat on the ground surrounded by light? How long did it take him for form his answer?

⁵ And he said, “Who are you, Lord?”

Did he realize as he voiced the question that he had answered himself? Who are you, Lord. He knew to whom he was speaking even as he asked. Did he have some belief in Christ already to have called Him Lord?

And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.

Was he shocked that Jesus said he was persecuting Him and not the Christians he had been targeting? What thoughts and feelings went through him as he was accused of persecuting Christ? Had he adjusted to that accusation before he was told what to do?

⁶ But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.”

Did he fear what was to come when he got into the city? Was he afraid that he was about to be stoned or killed in some horrid way? Did he fear being imprisoned? Did he hesitate to do as he was told or did he quickly scramble to his feet?

⁸ Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing.

Did he panic when he realized he was blind? Did he cry out ‘I can’t see’? Did he wave his arms around and try to get his bearings. Or did he stand in fear, frozen in place, silent?

So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus.

How did he feel being led around like a small child, unable to see? He had so recently been a soldier, a warrior, hunting down Christians, arresting them, taking them in, and here he was unable to walk by himself. Had he been prideful before? Was he humbled then? Was he humiliated? Was he angry and bitter? Quiet?

⁹ And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.

Did he fear in those three days that he would never see again? Was he worried and stressed, his stomach tied in knots so that he couldn’t eat or drink? Did he stop eating and drinking as a way to fast? Was he so filled with shame, remorse, hurt, that he simply couldn’t eat for the disgust of what he had done? Or did he give up? Did he decide that if he couldn’t see, if he couldn’t be the man he was, that he didn’t want to go on?

Years ago I read a book where one of the men in it had been injured and paralyzed in an accident while working far from home. He was engaged to be married. The accident happened before the book started so when I came into the story it had already taken place. His fiancé rushed to him when she found out that he had been hurt. Upon her arrival she found him wounded but very much alive. Her worry turned to gratitude to discover the man she loved, the man she wanted to spend her life with, was still alive. That was her thoughts and feelings as she entered his hospital room.

His reaction to seeing her was completely different. He got angry, ended their engagement and sent her away. Because of his injuries he felt that he wasn’t the man he had been, felt that he couldn’t be a proper husband to her.

Did Paul react that way? Did he get angry and resentful? Did he feel that he wasn’t the man he had been and if he had to go through life without sight that he’d rather not live? Was that why he quit eating and drinking?

What was it like in those dark days? When he didn’t know what his future was, when he was dependent on others, what did he think and feel? Was his spirit broken? Did his heart hurt? Was he afraid? Angry?

What was it like for Paul?

…look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying,

In those dark days Paul turned to prayer. Was he crying out to God for forgiveness? For healing? In anguish did he beg God to save him?

What did Paul think when someone’s hands touched him? Was he afraid of what was to come? Did he hope his anguish was almost over? Did he dread what was to come? Or did he think…let’s get it over with?

¹⁷ So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”

Was Paul happy to hear those words? Was he excited at the thought of seeing again? Was he glad to know the Lord didn’t intend harm for him?

 ¹⁸ And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight.

How happy was he to be able to see again? Did he understand the changes that were happening to him? Did he welcome the Holy Spirit?

What was it like for Paul to go through such a huge change in his beliefs? Did he fear what others would do to him? Did he look forward to the task he was given?

What was it like for Paul?

 

A shift in beliefs

 

 

As things in our country have escalated I have begun to wonder more and more how much of a difference parenting of old verses parenting of today has affected the condition of our world, of our country. As I think of the children of different families that I know, of the children I see in town, I wonder just how different our country would be if those children…mine included…had been raised in the same way children were raised in Bible days, in the 1700’s, 1800’s, even the early to mid-1900’s.

I saw something recently where someone said they are afraid of living in a world run by adults that weren’t spanked as children.

I have yet to figure out how much of the change in thought process and even behavior has to do with the shift in discipline styles and how much of it has to do with the shift in beliefs on how children should be treated and disciplined.

There is no doubt the Bible speaks of spanking. Even still it isn’t my intention to get into how to discipline a child in this post. That is a subject I feel is best not tackled. I do however wonder when and where the shift in discipline happened and how much of that shift is responsible for much of what is going on in our country today.

Now…let me first say that I believe the Lord is sovereign and that what is happening today is happening because He has allowed it to. Not only that but He has a purpose for it and will use it all to His glory. That said…I also believe that we can look at the happenings and see where changes and differences affected other changes. It doesn’t mean I don’t think the Lord willed it, it simply means I’m looking at it and seeing it from both sides.

Long ago I saw a program on TV where a boy of about ten did something wrong. I don’t remember what the boy did but I do recall that he and his dad were standing in the sheriff’s office. This was a show set in pre-1960’s and it showed. It showed in the attitude of the sheriff. It showed in the way the boy acted. It even showed in what the boy had done. I don’t remember the details of what the boy did but I do remember how the incident was handled. The sheriff told the dad that he had a woodshed out back and the boy was immediately taken out of the sheriff’s office presumably to be spanked.

I’m not about to start voicing my opinions on disciplining children. I’m not suggesting anyone discipline any child in a certain way. I’m simply comparing the ideas of discipline in times past to how it’s done today.

Not all that long ago there was a public disturbance in a town where the people protested an action taken by a police officer. Many believed that the actions of that officer were wrong and they protested it online, in the news, and between each other. In the midst of all the outrage I remember seeing someone write online about how we are dealing with generations of grown and near grown children that have been raised to believe entitlement is their right.

That person…in my opinion…perfectly addressed the real problem. Whether or not the police officer acted wrongly he was forced to make a decision based off what was happening around him and most likely acted more off training and instinct…instilled by many experiences in just such circumstance…than on thought out actions The problem regardless of whether or not the officer acted in ways he shouldn’t wasn’t so much what happened at the time of the incident but was clearly seen in what happened afterward.

A large number of people didn’t like what the officer did and as a result they basically threw a huge fit because they didn’t get their way, because they decided that someone was treated unjustly.

Were they?

Who knows.

But the fallout from the incident to me is a much greater issue than the incident itself. Why is it that people believe that when they don’t like something they can basically throw a fit in public and get that something changed to their liking.

I’m sure there are law enforcement officials that react in too harsh a way every day. I’m equally sure that there are law enforcement officers that go above and beyond to help others, that put their lives on the line for people they’ve never met every day.

It isn’t the actions of the officer in that incident that concern me. It’s the actions of the country in the days and weeks that followed it.

            It’s the idea that when something doesn’t go our way if we voice our opinion loud enough and long enough others will join in and we will be given what we want. It’s the idea that we can get attention simply by creating a big enough mess.

            It’s the idea that we’re entitled to something simply because we want it.

            And as I think back over history…I think of all the true injustices people suffered. I think of the hangings and shootings that happened in the name of justice. I think of Christ being killed because a group of people didn’t like what he was doing and they demanded to be given what they wanted. I think of how those in charge gave them what they wanted even as they said they saw no reason to kill Him.

            We know that the reason He was killed…the reason He gave His life…was to fulfill the Lord’s plan but there’s still the human side to it.

            And that human side showed the same kind of public outcry that we see today when people are given what they want even when their desires are wrong.

            Today…as in the days of Christ…the Lord is using all of that for His purpose. But my human mind still questions how much of what we’ve seen happening in our world lately is happening because of the shift in ideas…beliefs…attitudes?

           

 

 

It's not them, it's me

I think of the many, many Sunday services I’ve sat through in my life and I think of all that I was taught in the buildings where those services were held…or at least I think of all the things I can remember learning in those buildings. I have very fond memories of time spent in both the ‘church’ buildings and in the services but as I sit here now, thinking back, I must admit what I didn’t know then.

 

Sitting through a Sunday service is much like sitting in the midst of a movie theater on opening day. You’re surrounded by people that all have different reasons for being there and different beliefs. Most of those around you would all claim to have the same beliefs and yet so many of them live for gods that aren’t the God they’re supposedly worshipping. Even the very god of the service in most of those ‘church’ buildings isn’t the God of the Bible.

 

I know I’ve covered this topic before but it’s a topic that worth repeating. Over and over again if that’s what it takes. I don’t write these posts for any reason but for myself to have a place to gather my thoughts and for my husband to be able to read those thoughts. And a hope that someday one of my children might share my faith and wish to read those same thoughts and ideas. If anyone else gains anything from what I am writing then I’m grateful to be able to touch their life.

 

And so…here I am revisiting a topic that I’ve written on before and will most likely write on again. And again.

 

I think of the ‘church’ I sometimes go to and of all the people that fill it every Sunday. I think of the outward showing of their belief. Of the people that sit or stand at the back of the building with crossed arms, obviously uncomfortable with their location. I think of the woman that kneels in the middle of the aisle during the music, both hands raised above her head. I think of those that show up with sayings about Jesus on their shirts and those that dress like they’re ready for a night on the town.

 

And I think of the Jesus they serve that isn’t the Jesus of the Bible. And I wonder…how many of them know they’re serving an idol? How many of them, like myself, may be sitting in the crowd cringing and silently correcting the teachings of the preacher on the stage? How many of them know the real Christ, the real God, the real Scripture…and are there for reasons that have little to do with the service being presented?

 

The god being taught from the stage before me as I sit in that crowd isn’t the God I serve. I go for other reasons than to serve my God. Where I once found it easy to sit in the crowd and listen to the preacher, I now find it difficult. Because it is much like sitting in the midst of a group of people worshipping a god made of stone. The words are there, the feelings are there, the lesson is there, but my Lord is being pushed aside in favor of the Jesus that isn’t the Christ of the Bible.

 

I read a book many years ago in which the believers…or Christians…had a seal upon them that could be seen only by other Christians. There were many, many times after reading that book that I wished it was that way in real life. How great would it be if we could look at someone and know if they are regenerate? How great would it be to be able to pick the true children of Christ out of a crowd no matter where we were?

 

But then I think of what my husband and daughter said a few months back about what it would be like if we could know the date of death for everyone but ourselves…and I think maybe to be able to know whether or not a person was regenerate simply by looking at them would somehow be much that way. We could rejoice in knowing we’ve met another child of Christ but what of all those that might not hold that distinction? How much would our hearts hurt for them?

 

How saddened would we be if we walked into a Sunday service and could find no one there that was regenerate? How elated would we be if we walked in and everyone was?

 

As I write this I know I will be visiting that ‘church’ building where I sometimes go in the next few weeks. I also know that I will have a hard time sitting through the service. And I know…that it isn’t them…it’s me. I see things so differently than they do that what they value, what I once valued, no longer has the same appeal to me.

 

And I wonder…if I had the opportunity to go to that ‘church’ building every Sunday the way I once did…would I make it through very many services? Could I continue to sit through services that teach something I can’t believe in? Could I continue to go, continue to expose my children, to something I believe teaches false doctrine?

 

As I ponder those questions I suspect the answer to all of them would be no. No…I couldn’t go week after week. No…I couldn’t expose my children to false teachings continuously.

 

Still I know…it’s not them…it’s me.

 

 

Living in a theme park world

I recently wrote a letter to a friend in which I continued a conversation we had been having about raising children. This friend has children very close in age to my own children and so we often find ourselves comparing notes and discussing things that pertain to child raising. There were so many different aspects to that conversation but what stood out to me as I was writing it was the explanation I gave my friend for the difference in how I raised my oldest based on all the things I do now.

You see when my oldest was little, starting at age two, we had passes to a large theme park every year. Not only that but we took her to very large theme parks that we had to travel for days to get to. When we weren’t going to theme parks we were taking her to carnivals and fairs. We took her to restaurants with large play areas for the simple purpose of letting her have fun. We took her to kid’s festivities. Basically…if it looked fun for a child, we did it.

Oh, how things have changed. I no longer see those amusement parks as the best way to have fun. They’re still fun, and I’m not opposed to them in general, but now I see them differently. I find more fun in a day spent doing something simple, enjoying the Lord’s creation, spending time with my family.

The trouble is…my daughter was very much a product of the theme park lifestyle she was given as a young child. She loved our trips to the theme parks, looked forward to the next one, asked to go again…and again…and again. It was much like a merry go round where the ride never stopped.

And the child that so loved the theme parks…had a hard time enjoying a day at home. When doing something of a simpler nature if asked if she was having fun the answer was always no. She had been conditioned nearly from birth to love the fast paced, exciting fun of the theme park and it showed.

It still shows.

That child, who isn’t a child anymore, loves big cities. She can’t find enjoyment in the woods, in the country. She finds no enjoyment in animals. Watching the stars just to see them in the night sky holds no fascination for her.

She is the product of having lived in a theme park world.

The trouble is…so is everyone else. There is a television show I enjoy watching occasionally. It was made in the 1970’s and is set in the 1800’s. As life unfolds for the people in that show you see them doing the mundane, the everyday…at least it was the everyday things for them…they worked hard and found pleasure in simple entertainment. In the episodes where a carnival, circus or other big entertainment happened you can see their excitement and amazement in what was before them. But for them those times were few and far between. Of course that is television, not real life, but the comparisons can still be made. In the show you can see how the children would try and do the things they had seen and done at those exciting times long after the entertainment had left town.

I see those same behaviors in my own children after they’ve seen or done something exciting. I hear it in their voices as they remember. I see it in the light in their eyes as they talk about it. I see it in their play as they act it out.

The trouble is too many of the people today have grown up in a theme park world.

Too many people today can’t take joy in the simple pleasures because they’ve been programmed by a theme park world from birth. Walk through any toy store and see how many toys you find that require batteries. Too many to count.

Narrow your search a little and stay in the infant toys. You should be safe there…right? I mean what kind of battery operated gadget could a baby possibly need? One trip through the baby section paints what should be a horror story. Not only are there battery operated toys for babies but the list of ‘must have’ items, most of which take batteries or electricity, for babies is enough to boggle the mind.

And it gets worse. Some of those toys and must have items are actually designed to put a tablet in so that the baby is entertained by what is basically a computer.

These aren’t the types of things I’ve ever wanted for my children so I’m not sure exactly what’s out there but I’m going to assume that somewhere out there is a gadget to put a tablet into the baby’s crib. If not then there’s a baby toy that’s made to appear to be a tablet for a baby that goes in the crib. At least I assume there is.

I recently saw something that said today’s children are being shortchanged the child given right to play outside by the electronic world they live in. Simply put today’s children don’t find the pleasures in the natural world that children of times past did because there’s too much ready-made enjoyment to be found in the latest electronic gadget.

And parents are instilling that in their children from birth.

When a baby is raised in an electronic world they learn to enjoy that life and find little or no enjoyment in things that don’t offer instant entertainment.

When I was a girl I remember hearing people talk about how letting kids watch TV was a bad thing because it was unrealistic. They talked of how thirty minute TV shows taught children to expect quick fixes to even the biggest problems.

I saw something not all that long ago that said depression is now an epidemic. I find myself asking why that is. When, exactly, did depression become a problem? Has it always been there, with or without the name of depression to label it, or is it a modern day problem? Is it something that the human heart, the human mind, has always been prone to? Or is it the result of raising children in a world that teaches instant gratification and quick fixes to big problems?

My husband and I recently visited a cemetery with graves that dated as far back as the early 1800’s, possibly the 1700’s…some were too old to make out all the writing on them. I have this strange enjoyment of visiting old cemeteries. It’s an enjoyment my husband shares. It isn’t the kind of entertainment, instant gratification, fun of today. For me it’s being able to look at those headstones, to imagine the people buried there, to think of what their lives were like.

And to hurt for them.

In that cemetery we saw numerous graves for young children and babies. In some places there were many children from the same family buried side by side. To walk through that cemetery, or any old cemetery, it appears that children in times past were very fragile. Their lives were ended while they were still young. Even the adults…so many of them died in their twenties, thirties, and forties. In fact forty-something seemed to just about be old age for the people in the 1800’s based on the graves in that cemetery.

Age, it seemed, was a detriment to the people of times past and it wasn’t because they had grown old enough to enter into what we now see as fragile years. It was simply that being young made them fragile. What caused the deaths of all those young people…who knows? But their lives were ended during a time when our society today would say they were too young.

Today our young people are just as fragile only now it’s in a different way. We no longer fear plagues and outbreaks of illnesses that can and did kill hundreds of people. It isn’t that we aren’t suseptable to those things today…the outbreak of Ebola last year confirmed that…but that today we have what we consider to be modern medicine.

The thing is we still have outbreaks of things, epidemics that take our young people as sure as cholera and other dreaded diseases took them in past eras. According to what I read on depression…our young people are being lost to the dark void of depression in record numbers. So much so that it’s now an epidemic and they don’t expect it to get better.

Once again I must ask…Why? When did this ‘epidemic’ start? Has it always been there or is it a product of our modern times? Did children that were raised seeing true pain and depravation fall prey to the darkness of their own emotions in times when a family might lose every child they had to influenza? Did children that grew up moving from state to state, fearing Indian attacks and outlaws, walking for hundreds of miles…did they suffer from depression when something went bad in their young adult years? Did children that went hungry because their family had little food and less money grow up to feel depressed?

Or is depression and ‘epidemic’ of our own making? Did we set the stage to create depression in our children by giving them everything they wanted? Did we set the stage for depression by raising them in the nicest house we could afford? Did we set the stage by putting them in every kind of class or lesson their heart desired? Did we set it by giving them big excitement? By providing them with the instant entertainment of television, movies, and computers?

I often think of the times my friend has told me she would have liked to live when people had the Lord and not much else. I think, too, of the times most people cry out to God. By their own admissions it’s often when things get so bad they can’t face them alone. Then they want the Lord to come make it all better.

And that brings me back to thinking of how our world has turned into what amounts to a theme park. Go into any decent sized town and entertainment abounds…movie theaters, malls, shopping centers, museums, parks with fancy playgrounds, skating rinks…and the list goes on. Without ever stepping foot in a real theme park we can live in one every day. Instant entertainment and instant gratification are the norm. And our lives, including the fragile emotions of our children and young people, show it.

Because we are living in a theme park world.

When I was in my teens and twenties I heard often about men and boys that suffered from what was called ‘Peter Pan syndrom’. Now that wasn’t a true disorder, it wasn’t medically diagnosed, wasn’t seen as some kind of disease. But it was all too real. Girls spoke of it often. Back then it was well understood that girls matured faster than boys. It was a good part of the reason most girls were only interested in older boys and men. Even if those boys and young men were growing up, maturing, they weren’t doing so at the rate the girls were.

Then there were the ones that suffered from ‘Peter Pan syndrom’ they had fallen prey to ‘I don’t want to grow up’. This was seen in boys and men only. I never heard of any female being labeled with that particular syndrome.

Today…a good part of the people in our society have it.

Children suffer from it.

Adults suffer from it.

But the worst…parents suffer from it.

And our world suffers for it. We live in a nation of people that have been raised on having all their problems fixed or wiped away with the ease of loosing themselves in video games, movies, and music. They can live on the edge by riding a roller coaster, jumping off a platform or out of an airplane.

Poof! Their problems are gone.

Until they show up in all their ugly details. And when they do….too many people aren’t equipped to handle them. Because they’ve been insulated from the bad. They’ve had all there problems fixed with little or no effort on their part. Their problems have been erased with the huge magic eraser of entertainment.

Because we live in a theme park world.

It’s expected. It’s understood. It’s unspoken. It simply is the way things are. All our problems can be erased by finding something to consume our thoughts and our time. Whatever your method of entertainment…it can be found. Whatever you need to get your thoughts off real life…it can be delivered to your door.

Because we live in a theme park world.

Like rich men and camels

1 James, a bond- servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad: Greetings.
2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:1-4 NASB)

When it rains it pours. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that old saying in my life. Meaning that when one trial comes…many come at once. And all too often it’s true. How is it that just at the moment in life when things start to get rough, just when we feel like we might can manage under the stresses coming our way at that time…that so many more just flood us?

Life has a way of throwing things at us in ways we never expect or are prepared for. Or so it seems. Many attribute all these things to life, to chance, to happening without ever knowing there was a greater Hand at work in it all. They chalk it all up to coincidence or bad luck.

But Scripture clearly tells us that there is a method to the madness. There is a reason. There is a purpose. There is a plan.

And there is a higher power…a holy God…controlling it all.

But what happens when a person begins to feel that even that Holy God has turned against them? When those trials become too much to bear and thoughts turn to how even the Lord has gone against us…what then?

If we are truly in Christ we may feel that way…I didn’t think it possible until recently when the many trials I have faced lately became just one too many…for a time. How long that time will last most likely will depend on many things. The biggest of those things is how long the Lord will let us stay there.

I was there not all that long ago. My every moment was weighed down with the pains and cares placed upon me by this world…by my Lord…and I struggled through each day. My human mind couldn’t handle the most recent…one in a line of many…trial that I was placed in. And I lost my focus. I struggled. I cried. I hurt.

But I did it all alone.

I forgot…in that pain…to turn to my Lord. And in forgetting I lost the Hope that lives in me. The Hope that lets me face each day, each trial, just a little bit easier.

And while I was in that time…while I was focusing on the hurt and not the Hope…I got weighed down. I forgot…for a time…that I needed to cling tighter to Christ.

I remember once, years ago, when I felt like the Lord was doing something in my life. What He was doing I couldn’t see but I could feel that He was working in me…changing me…changing my life. I remember that in my prayers I said something like ‘you’re taking me somewhere, aren’t you’ and realized as soon as I said it that He is always taking me somewhere.

Some days He gently guides me by the hand, leading me around every hole in the ground, every rock that might make me stumble and other days…

Other days he shoves me head first into a pit of unknown dangers. At least there are days when it feels that way. On those days…which are really times and not necessarily days…I barely manage to get my feet under me before the rug is yanked away. Sometimes what’s under the rug is solid floor and sometimes it’s a deep dark hole that I must tumble through.

Those are trials. They are tribulations. They are tests to my faith.

Sometimes I pass the tests.

And sometimes I fail.

But either way…the Lord always brings me through it. He always reminds me that my hope is in Him. And so is my life. In the good and the bad. He has a plan and a purpose for my life and because he does…there is a method to the madness.

Life in general is much like a roller coaster. Everyone has good days and bad days. They have good times and bad times. There are times of plenty and times of little. There are times when we are so happy we can’t see straight. And times when we hurt so much we can’t see at all.

I told my daughter a couple of months ago that it isn’t in our good times that we grow and learn but in the hard times. It’s in those moments that we must struggle and hurt that we grow and mature.

As parents we want so much to save our children from all suffering. We want them to be happy and to have the things they need…and all too often want…of this world. But we often forget that as Christians…it’s a whole different story. Scripture tells us that it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to go to heaven.

So why do we cater to our children? Why do we give them everything we can so that they have better earthly lives?

I spent so many years as a parent trying to give my children…everything. I didn’t want them to know when times got hard. I wanted them to feel secure. I did my best to give them security in everything…in our finances, in our home, in me. In everything.

And then one day…things changed. Suddenly, with little warning. And it shook my children’s world. The younger ones bounced back rather quickly. The middle ones had a little tougher time. But the oldest…oh, the oldest…it took months and much angst before there was any semblance of recovery. And the trial…wasn’t even a horrible experience. Only a change in life and circumstances.

But because I had gone to such lengths to keep everything secure…to see to it that the children knew as little suffering as possible…my children suffered when that change came.

How prepared are our children for the trials and tribulations of life when we protect them from the bumps in the road along the way?

How prepared are we for the mountains when we rarely climb the little hills?

I speak of children only because that time in our lives when things changed suddenly stands out so much as I write this. It reminds me of the very truth in camels going through needles verses rich men getting to heaven.

We may not see ourselves or our children as being rich but no matter how poor we are…people in America are generally richer than people in a good part of the world. Our children may grow up with parents that struggle to pay the bills but how many times do we find a way to get them as much of the ‘I want this’ that we can squeeze from our meager funds? And when the funds are greater…so are the ‘I wants’.

I remember in my teen, when I was ready for my first car, my grandmother loaned me the money to make a down payment on a car that only cost me $1,200.00 total. But I had to put a down payment on it and make payments until it was paid off. I not only made payments on the car but I made payments on the money my grandmother had loaned me to get the car. I bought my own gas, paid for my insurance and tags.

That car was my first taste of financial responsibility. I remember how hard I worked to make the money to make those payments and to keep that car. I was 17 years old, in high school, and raising a child that wasn’t mine.

I remember, too, how a few years later my grandmother bought my younger cousin a truck with a price tag in the thousands. That cousin was given that truck with no expectation of paying back a single penny of the price. That cousin paid for nothing of it’s expense.

At the time I remember thinking of how I had worked to pay off my car…which had cost a fraction of the price of my cousins truck…and how I had been expected to repay the few hundred dollars I had been loaned as the down payment for my car. At the time I think I may have had some hard feelings over that. But as time went on…as I saw the difference in how I matured as I worked for my car…and how my cousin didn’t…I was grateful things had worked our for me as they had.

Now, as I write this, as I remember that time in my life, I think of the camel and the rich man. I think of the lessons I learned in the struggle to pay for a car that cost so little. I remember how I agonized over the expense of vehicle repairs…but I got them done. I remember how happy I was to see new tires on my car the day I could finally afford to get them.

And I remember how careful I was with that car.

I knew better than to let it run out of oil because I would have to pay to have the damage repaired. I knew better than to leave the keys in the ignition because I would have to buy another car if that one got stolen.

Those are lessons that I learned well and still apply today.

I think, too, of the many Christmas toys that were short lived. Of the sometimes minutes that they held my children’s attention. And then I think of how that changed when the toys being received on Christmas dwindled. I think of how as my children learned to work for their own money, to buy their own toys, to understand that there would be less on Christmas morning, how they made wiser ‘I want’ lists. How they understood just what that toy they were given was worth.

They still leave their toys in the floor. They still grow bored with them. They still make ‘I want’ lists a mile long. But they also understand a little better…because they’ve had to buy some of those toys themselves…just what it takes to get them.

And I think of the camel and the rich man.

As a child I grew up with many struggles. Like everyone in all of time, those struggles came and went. There were hard times and there were easy times. Good times and awful times. There were times I would have stayed in forever and times I couldn’t wait to escape. But when I look back on my own childhood and I look at my children’s I can see that I succeeded in protecting them from so much of the bumps of childhood. That’s good, right? Isn’t it what all of us as parents try to do?

But in the end do I want my child to be a camel or a rich man?

Do I want them to learn and grow because they had to struggle a while or do I want them to despair because they are protected from the struggles, because I do all that I possibly can for them, and then have to watch them reach despair when they must face hills that I can’t route them around…long before they ever have to climb a mountain.

And I think of the camel and the rich man.

And I think of me. Of my own life. Of my hurts, my pain, my trials.

I remember reading something years ago about how the Mennonites go through life looking at everything as heaven is the goal. Then they ask themselves if whatever they are doing…getting…thinking about…will get them closer to that goal or further away from it.

I have no idea if they really do that or if it was something someone wrote somewhere because it’s what they think the Mennonites do. And I know that whether heaven is our goal or not…nothing we do will get us there so that thought process is futile. But I found it to be an interesting idea at the time that I read it and I find it interesting now.

Not because we can get ourselves to heaven through the things we do or do not do, but because of the camel and the rich man. Because I worked for my car and my cousin didn’t. Because I see the difference in how I handled problems of all sizes and how my children do.

Heaven is attainable only if the Lord choses us to be the recipient of the gift of salvation. But…if heaven is the goal…would we rather be camels or rich men? Even in life…when trials and tribulations come…would we rather struggle through the hills so the mountains don’t seem quite as hard or as high…or would we rather never climb a hill and then have to scale a mountain?

Trials have come my way, in what at times has seemed like one after another this year. There have been times that I barely got over the worst of the pain from one trial before another one hit. I am on the mountain. I must climb it. It’s been a difficult climb and it’s not over yet. But how much harder would it have been if I’d never scaled a hill?

I wrote some time ago about how the Lord places things in our lives to prepare us for the plan He has for us. My childhood prepared me for the road I would walk as an adult. My teen years prepared me for my adult years. My years as a mother prepared me for my years as a grandmother. My years as a young woman prepared me for my years as an old woman… There are probably millions of things in my life…most of which I know nothing of…that have prepared me for something. They were stepping stones that laid the ground for what was or is to come.

The most important groundwork was that which was laid to prepare me for the day the Lord would save me. We are told time and again in Scripture that Christ is the foundation, He is the cornerstone. He is the goal…even when we aren’t the ones laying the foundation or working for the goal.

Because of the foundations that the Lord placed in me…He gave me the goal. And still…the struggles in life are there. Some of those struggles are hills, some are mountains, but struggle we must.

33 These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NASB)

Being in the world is a struggle…and because we are in the world…we will struggle. But we have Hope in Christ. When the world’s cares take all hope away…there is Christ. There is Hope.

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (1 Peter 1:3-5 NASB)

We may lose our earthly hope for a little while but if we belong to Christ He will only leave us in that place for so long before He reminds us of Who we belong to. Like a kick in the backside that reminder is enough to pull us back to where He wants us to be. We must struggle, we must hurt, we must face the trials and tribulations, but we must face them not for chance, or just because, but for the purpose that the Lord has made us, so that He may put us where He wants us and so that He can make us what He wants us to be.

6 In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, 7 so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; (1 Peter 1:6-7 NASB)

We have been given Hope beyond measure when we are in Christ. Our salvation is our greatest hope. Christ is our great Hope. Earth and all it’s cares can take away our fleshly hope in this world but our true Hope lies in what has been given to us out of the mercy of our Lord.

I’ve heard many times that if ‘God will bring you to it, He will bring you through it.’ It’s something that I never paid much attention to. But if you really stop and think about it, there’s much truth in that. The Lord will bring us to many things…He will also bring us through them. And when we come out the other side of them…how much richer will we be for the struggle we endured?

Not rich like the rich man, but rich like the camel that struggled long and hard to get through the eye of the needle…painfully, slowly…and when he finally popped out the other side…discovered he was in heaven.

Our trials…tribulations…sorrows…pains…are only for a little while. They are the refining fires that make us who the Lord wants us to be. And in that refining fire…oh, how we change, mature and grow, whether we want to or not.

I have made taffy candy, have watched it made on large scales…when taffy is made you take a substance that is stretchy but firm and twist it, pull it, squeeze it, and start again. Over and over and over you twist and pull this semi-stretchy substance until it changes and becomes soft and pliable. It goes from what it was…to what it is supposed to be.

It is molded. It is changed. It is refined.

Like taffy, we are pushed and pulled, twisted and squeezed by the Lord and His plan until we sometimes feel as if we can’t take another moment of torture but…what the Lord brings us to, He brings us through. And out the other side we emerge…like a butterfly from a cocoon, no longer a caterpillar but a butterfly with beautiful wings…something greater than we were when we started the process.

Because there is a method to the madness. Because when we belong to Christ He won’t allow us to be rich men…we must be camels that struggle to get through the eye of the needle.

I read a book the other day…actually I finished a book the other day, it took a few days to read it…about a little girl whose one desire was to own a Bible. This girl lived in a time and place when Bibles were hard to come by. She worked and longed for a Bible of her own. She walked miles just to read someone else’s Bible. It took her years and years to earn enough money to buy her own Bible and then she had to walk 50 miles to get it. She covered those 50 miles, barefoot, in two days.

We live in a time where Bibles are plentiful and can be had cheaply. I know of a thrift store that gives away Bibles…they won’t charge for them no matter their condition, age or worth. If I walk through my house I could gather enough Bibles provide them to a good number of people.

But that little girl worked long hard hours for years to be able to buy a Bible. Then she walked many, many miles to get one. How much more did that Bible mean to her, when she finally got it, than does the Bible my daughter owns that was given to her at her birth?

How much more precious did the words in the Bible seem to a child that longed to read them for years and had to work hard for that privilege?  

Like the camel struggling through the eye of the needle, that girl struggled for the words of our Lord. She toiled and labored much for the chance to own a copy of what she considered a treasure.

And treasure it she did. The very Bible that young girl worked so hard for was passed on at her death and now lives in a museum. It has survived for hundreds of years.

I have a Bible in my home that is falling apart. I got it that way. It’s a cheap paperback Bible that isn’t all that old, and doesn’t have the look of a Bible that has been read much. Instead of falling apart because it was a much used Bible it appears to be falling apart because it was a much abused Bible. I own it because it serves a purpose that I could never do with an intact Bible. The very fact that it is falling apart has now allowed it to become a much used Bible.

But when I think of the history it most likely had to wind up in the condition it was in when I got it…I am reminded of the little girl that worked so hard, for so many years, to get a Bible of her own. And how she would have treasured a single page from this falling apart Bible.

When things are given to us easily, we generally fail to see the treasure that we hold. Another saying I’ve heard many times…’easy come, easy go.’ Bibles in our country are so easy to be had that most people put little value on any particular Bible. When Bibles were harder to come by people treasured them, they kept family records in them, they gave them places of honor in their homes, and they passed them from generation to generation.

Some of those Bibles had been struggled for, worked for, and highly protected and cared for as a result.

How much greater is the prize…when we finally come through the needle…once we’ve struggled through it?