Love or hate?

A number of months ago I wrote an article that I titled 'What is love', you can find that post here: http://journeyingtochrist.blogspot.com/2016/09/what-is-love.html#comment-form. I don't recall all the reasons why I wrote that post but I do remember that it had a lot to do with what America defines as love today.

Because I could remember writing the post but not what was in it I reread that post today. It was just as applicable today as it was the day I wrote it. But today I read something that has me wanting to write on love again.

Love truly is a funny thing. It's a very complicated thing and if we were to really ask ourselves what love is...could we come up with an adequate answer? By human definition, love is this feel good emotion, said to come from the heart, that makes us inclined to favor one person over another. We marry for love. We love our children. We love our friends.

We may even tell people we love them when we don't mean it. As a kid I had a relative that would tell me they loved me, if I didn't answer with 'I love you' then I would get into trouble. So...I responded by saying 'I love you' but I never once felt love for that person, in fact I strongly disliked that person but to save myself...I said 'I love you'.

I once knew someone that would say 'anyone can say I love you, you have to show someone that you love them'.

Love is...what?

Is it actions? Is it words? Is it a gushy feeling deep inside you when you're around someone?

The other day my husband was doing something that was just...my husband, but in his doing what he naturally does it made me laugh and brought a bit of fun and joy to my day and so I told him, ''I love you''. He responded by telling me he loved me and then asking, 'what was that for', not because I don't tell him that I love him, I do, but because of the way I said it and maybe the tone of voice I used when I said it. But the truth is I told him I loved him because of the way he made me feel at that moment, it was a happy gushy kind of feeling and he caused it with his actions, which had nothing to do with me. He was just being him, doing something that had nothing to do with me, but I saw him and it made me happy and so I told him I loved him.

But that was a feeling.

And yet...that is love. But it's not the only kind of love.

My husband shows he loves by taking care of those he loves. He provides for us, does for us. This morning I got up to a blazing fire in the fireplace. What a wonderful thing to wake up to on a cold morning. That was my husband taking care of us, warming our home. He cuts wood to use in that fire place for one reason only...because his family enjoys it. My husband never uses that fireplace when he's home alone.

And so, through his actions, my husband shows us that he loves us.

Still, I find myself asking...what is love? Can we truly ever answer that question and if we do, are we answering in the true meaning of love or are we answering in our human emotions understanding of what love is?

I know someone online, only through social media, that often writes of how they cannot get anyone to take them to the places they want to go. This person writes of how happy they are when their friends take them places, of how loved they are because those people transport them to places, and then complain about how no one seems to care about them when they can't get a ride to somewhere they want to go. Let me just say straight out that I've had to mentally stifle my fingers from writing out a reply many, many times to this person. It gets irritating seeing this person write of how loved they are when someone is doing for them but then complain about how no one cares about them when no one is doing for them.

Their definition of love appears to be based on what others can do for them. And quite honestly I find it hard not to point out to this person, someone that lives across the country from me, someone I've never met and probably never will meet, that those people that love them so much when they are doing for them and don't care anything about them when they aren't doing for them all have lives of their own, that they are already going out of their way for this person.

But for that person, love appears to be what someone else can do for them.

And I find myself wondering...what is love?

Not in the sense of truly not understanding what love is, I do understand that, but in the sense of there has to be a greater definition of what love is than just how we, as fallen people, define it.

I've heard it said that love rules the world, that love is what makes the world go round. And it's true. Love does rule the world, love is what caused the world to go round but it isn't our human understanding of love that rules the world or makes it go round.

All of Scripture tells us the story of God and His love for His people, the people that he chose to be His before He ever made the earth. The earth, and everything on it, is here because of God's love for His people. And so...love rules the world, love is why the earth was made, it goes round because of God's love for His people.

But God's love is nowhere close to how humans define love.

About a week ago I found myself in a conversation with my uncle. He had seen a picture of a five year old Muslim boy being detained in handcuffs at an airport. My uncle was upset over that picture because this was 'God's child' and 'what would Jesus do'. Oh, the conversation that ensued over that. I pointed out that people in a religion that do not believe in the true God are people that live in defiance of God and that this child likely was not 'God's child'. My uncle didn't seem to get it. I would up explaining that God is a holy God and that He loves with a righteous love.

God's love is not the same as our human idea of what love is.

He killed His own son to appease His wrath so that He could love fallen people. Does that sound like a human kind of love? How many people do you know that get so angry with those they love that they must pour their wrath onto one person, wrath that ends in death, so that they can love others? God's love defies our human understanding of what love is.

That is pretty much what I read this morning that got me to thinking about love...again. Except that what I read wasn't close to being worded the way I just worded it. What I read said that we have a man-centered view of love that has people believing from babyhood that if we don't make much of them than we don't love them.

And it's true.

I have a relative that read a parenting book that taught that we must affirm our children's feelings that all their bad behavior is simply a need for more attention. According to that book a parent must pour great emotion and time into their child and when their child is bad they should not discipline and should instead pour even more time and emotion into that child because it simply isn't getting enough attention.

I never read that book but what has brought people to the point of believing that a child simply needs more attention when they are bad and that they shouldn't be disciplined? I grew up being told that a child needs attention from their parents and that if they don't get that attention when they are good then they will be bad because bad attention is better than no attention. I have seen that played out but I can't say a misbehaving kid needs only more attention.

And yet...that seems to be our cultures belief on what love is nowadays. Kids need more attention. Young adults and adults that throw tantrums in public because something doesn't go their way need to be accepted and affirmed in their beliefs.

We are told to love them regardless of their actions or behaviors. We are told we hate them if we tell them they are behaving in a bad way. We are told that we are intolerant if we don't want to put up with their actions or lifestyle.

And we are told all these things in the name of 'love'.

But that isn't how God defines love. Scripture shows us God's love from the first word to the last word. And we are shown the highest level of love. Christ died for those that God gave to Him. He died for His people so that He might save them for Himself.

He is like the treasure at the end of the rainbow or tucked inside a treasure chest. We must seek after Him, living for Him, as He defines life, so that we might experience the greatest love their is. God is love but His love is not the gushy love everyone kind of love that people would have us to believe He is. God loves with a holy love because He also hates with a holy hate and we cannot separate His love from His hate.

God is love.

God is hate.

That is love. That is God's love. He has high standards for people, he expects His people to live a certain way, and there is no compromise on His definition of what love is.

We as people can only comprehend love from our human hearts and minds. Scripture says that our hearts are deceitful above all things. Our hearts must have a higher definition of what love is or we can't define love but by our emotions.

People today have all kinds of mixed views of what love is but mostly they believe that love means accepting everyone along with their actions. That's not love. That's actually hate. Scripture says that a parent that does not discipline their child hates their child. We may not need to discipline the people in the world but if we accept their sins without telling them what those sins will cost them...we hate them.

Love is not defined by our ability to not offend someone. Love is defined by God and what He says love is. People have an amazing way of muddling things up. Adam and Eve did it in the garden of Eden and people have been doing it ever since. We mess everything up.

And now people are trying to base love not on a biblical or even moral standard of what love is but on a sinful standard. To love someone, says our culture, we must love them and their sins, if we do not then we hate them.

A shift in beliefs

 

 

As things in our country have escalated I have begun to wonder more and more how much of a difference parenting of old verses parenting of today has affected the condition of our world, of our country. As I think of the children of different families that I know, of the children I see in town, I wonder just how different our country would be if those children…mine included…had been raised in the same way children were raised in Bible days, in the 1700’s, 1800’s, even the early to mid-1900’s.

I saw something recently where someone said they are afraid of living in a world run by adults that weren’t spanked as children.

I have yet to figure out how much of the change in thought process and even behavior has to do with the shift in discipline styles and how much of it has to do with the shift in beliefs on how children should be treated and disciplined.

There is no doubt the Bible speaks of spanking. Even still it isn’t my intention to get into how to discipline a child in this post. That is a subject I feel is best not tackled. I do however wonder when and where the shift in discipline happened and how much of that shift is responsible for much of what is going on in our country today.

Now…let me first say that I believe the Lord is sovereign and that what is happening today is happening because He has allowed it to. Not only that but He has a purpose for it and will use it all to His glory. That said…I also believe that we can look at the happenings and see where changes and differences affected other changes. It doesn’t mean I don’t think the Lord willed it, it simply means I’m looking at it and seeing it from both sides.

Long ago I saw a program on TV where a boy of about ten did something wrong. I don’t remember what the boy did but I do recall that he and his dad were standing in the sheriff’s office. This was a show set in pre-1960’s and it showed. It showed in the attitude of the sheriff. It showed in the way the boy acted. It even showed in what the boy had done. I don’t remember the details of what the boy did but I do remember how the incident was handled. The sheriff told the dad that he had a woodshed out back and the boy was immediately taken out of the sheriff’s office presumably to be spanked.

I’m not about to start voicing my opinions on disciplining children. I’m not suggesting anyone discipline any child in a certain way. I’m simply comparing the ideas of discipline in times past to how it’s done today.

Not all that long ago there was a public disturbance in a town where the people protested an action taken by a police officer. Many believed that the actions of that officer were wrong and they protested it online, in the news, and between each other. In the midst of all the outrage I remember seeing someone write online about how we are dealing with generations of grown and near grown children that have been raised to believe entitlement is their right.

That person…in my opinion…perfectly addressed the real problem. Whether or not the police officer acted wrongly he was forced to make a decision based off what was happening around him and most likely acted more off training and instinct…instilled by many experiences in just such circumstance…than on thought out actions The problem regardless of whether or not the officer acted in ways he shouldn’t wasn’t so much what happened at the time of the incident but was clearly seen in what happened afterward.

A large number of people didn’t like what the officer did and as a result they basically threw a huge fit because they didn’t get their way, because they decided that someone was treated unjustly.

Were they?

Who knows.

But the fallout from the incident to me is a much greater issue than the incident itself. Why is it that people believe that when they don’t like something they can basically throw a fit in public and get that something changed to their liking.

I’m sure there are law enforcement officials that react in too harsh a way every day. I’m equally sure that there are law enforcement officers that go above and beyond to help others, that put their lives on the line for people they’ve never met every day.

It isn’t the actions of the officer in that incident that concern me. It’s the actions of the country in the days and weeks that followed it.

            It’s the idea that when something doesn’t go our way if we voice our opinion loud enough and long enough others will join in and we will be given what we want. It’s the idea that we can get attention simply by creating a big enough mess.

            It’s the idea that we’re entitled to something simply because we want it.

            And as I think back over history…I think of all the true injustices people suffered. I think of the hangings and shootings that happened in the name of justice. I think of Christ being killed because a group of people didn’t like what he was doing and they demanded to be given what they wanted. I think of how those in charge gave them what they wanted even as they said they saw no reason to kill Him.

            We know that the reason He was killed…the reason He gave His life…was to fulfill the Lord’s plan but there’s still the human side to it.

            And that human side showed the same kind of public outcry that we see today when people are given what they want even when their desires are wrong.

            Today…as in the days of Christ…the Lord is using all of that for His purpose. But my human mind still questions how much of what we’ve seen happening in our world lately is happening because of the shift in ideas…beliefs…attitudes?

           

 

 

Christmas is coming

Christmas is coming. Christmas is coming. Christmas is coming.

If I repeat that long enough, and often enough, maybe…just maybe…I’ll be ready for it. It’s not that I’m not looking forward to the holiday. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it.

I do.

In fact Christmas is my favorite holiday. No matter how much or how little I celebrate there is something about the lights and the sights at Christmas that no other holiday has.

But with Christmas coming my mind turns to the greed it instills in people. The greed that manifests in everyone.

Every time someone asks ‘what do you want for Christmas’ they’re asking ‘how can I feed your covetousness.’ I’m as guilty of that as the next person. I ask my children that very question every year. And then I try and buy the very things that will feed the greedy covetous monster in my children.

And I do it because I want them to be happy. I want them to enjoy the holiday. I want them to receive gifts they will love. I want to see the smiles on their faces, the light in their eyes. And I don’t want to see disappointment.

But it always shows up.

Invariably, every year, the disappointment is there. Someone didn’t get something they wanted. Someone else got something that this one wishes they had got. This toy broke as soon as it came out of the box. This game isn’t as fun as they thought it would be.

There will be something to cause disappointment no matter how much or how little we buy them.

Scripture tells us that we are to deny ourselves and live for Christ.

Have we ever asked ourselves what…exactly…Christ would give someone for Christmas if He was on earth?

Christians are to deny themselves and it would seem that we do that very thing as we use our money or our time to acquire the things our loved ones desire for Christmas…but are we really denying ourselves? Or are we catering to the place inside of us that wants to see our loved ones happy?

And even if we are denying ourselves what are we doing to the hearts of those we love the most?

I remember many a Christmas when presents overflowed our living room. When the kids received everything they wanted and then some.

And still there was someone that wasn’t happy over something.

As the greed of their own desires was fed to the point of bursting there was always something that wasn’t bought. Something that wasn’t good enough.

Handing them money isn’t any better because all we’re doing is feeding the covetousness with dollars instead of things.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t give our loved ones gifts. That is a decision every Christian must make for themselves, for their families.

But maybe we should weigh our own beliefs against the covetousness we’re buying into every time Christmas is coming. Should we spend hundreds on our children when a smaller amount…less presents…could be pared with something that feeds their hearts instead? What if we decreased what we gave them in things…or money…and increased what we gave them in time?

Could we turn off the televisions, set aside the phones and other gadgets, and spend the day walking in the woods, playing games, and focusing all of our attention on each other?

Could we feed their hearts and our souls by denying ourselves…including the need to deny ourselves the joy of making our loved ones happy with all the things or money that they want…and instead feed them with the things that don’t promote the very covetousness we know is sin?

Could we invest more of ourselves and less of our finances?

What are we giving them for Christmas?

Christmas will be upon us soon. Already the decorations are in the stores, the lights are going up, the music has begun. And so has the shopping and the many holiday get-togethers, the gift exchanges, and the expectations.

Christmas doesn’t come with the simple pleasures that should surround any celebration of Christ. And although Christmas didn’t originate as a celebration of Christ…it has it’s roots in paganism, and although what we know as Christmas today looks more like the pagan celebration it should be…the fact is that our society generally defines Christmas as the celebration of the birth of Christ.

You can see that in the ‘church’ buildings that go to great extremes to put on plays and programs, you can see it in the nativity scenes put up in a very few yards, and you can see it in the outcry of people that no longer want to be wished a Merry Christmas.

And I have to ask…what are we giving them for Christmas?

As we go into this holiday that is more about covetousness than it is about Christ…even in the ‘church’ buildings (how much money do they spend on those special Christmas programs?)…maybe we should look more to the Scriptures and less to the world.

If we looked at the closest thing we have of a celebration of the birth of Christ we see the wise men that went to great lengths to see Christ. The lengths to which they went to see their savior was no small feat.

Can you imagine what it must have been like for them to travel to Christ? They didn’t have a car, an airplane, or a train. They couldn’t get there in a short time. They didn’t have the comfort of a heated vehicle to travel in. Whatever the weather was as they made their trip…they were exposed to it. Day and night, hot or cold, wind or rain…they were in it.

What did it cost them in time and discomfort to go see their savior?  How many miles did they have to travel? How weary did they grow as they made their way to their savior? What did they give up to make the trip? What discomforts did they suffer?

 Can we even begin to fathom the time they must have put into making the trip? We are so used to being able to get from place to place in short time. We can go from one country to another in a matter of hours. We can cross the United States in hours by plane, days by car. We can’t imagine the time it would have taken them to make such a journey.

And yet these men put themselves through all that and more for Christ.

And they set an example for anyone that happened to look their way. They showed us through their actions just how far they went for Christ.

As we go into this holiday season where the ‘I wants’ abound, where we are too tempted to spend too much money on those we love, where our focus so often goes to the many celebrations we can be a part of and to the too many we may be expected to be a part of, we would do well to remember the wise men and the example they set.

As our thoughts turn to the celebration of the world, as we work through the needs of the flesh…our own and our loved ones…how much better would we be if we simply focused on Christ?

And if we could remember to ask ourselves…what are we giving them for Christmas?

It is so easy to cater to their coveting hearts and make smiles appear on those beloved faces. It makes us happy, makes them happy. But what are we really giving them? As we hand them all that they want…in things or in money…what are we really giving? Are we not deepening their ‘I wants’ with the overabundance of stuff and money we provide?

What if every time we looked at or heard a list of ‘I wants’ we could remember that self-denial is a good thing? What if every time we stood in a store with the intention of buying gifts we remembered what feeding their covetousness is…what it does? What if everyone that makes a list of ‘I wants’ thought of self-denial first? What if we remembered that more isn’t better for those we love? What if we remember that those happy faces on Christmas morning are representations of selfish hearts being satisfied with the many things that fill the packages our loved ones open?

What if we invested more into the souls of those we love and less into their earthly desires? What example do we set for them when we fill their toy chests with more and more? What example do we set when we hand them money so they can invest in their own desires and selfish ambitions?

What are we building in their souls with every toy, every gadget, every new piece of clothing? What are we feeding their souls when we gift them in dollar bills?

Are we feeding their souls as we celebrate this year or are we feeding their covetousness?

What then should we invest in this Christmas season? What example should we set? Is it enough to have no list of ‘I wants’ for ourselves if we fill the ‘I wants’ of our loved ones?

What purpose does another toy, another electronic device, another handful of money serve if it feeds the sin of those we love?

What if we invested more in their hearts and less in their sins? What if we invested more in their memories than we do in their collections? What if instead of handing them packages of things or handfuls of money we invited them to join us for something that feeds their hearts with our love, helps their souls to deny their own wants, and sets the example that someone in Christ should truly set?

What are we giving them for Christmas?

 

Touching their earthly lives

Children are such a wonderful blessing from the Lord that they bring us much joy and enjoyment on earth. They enrich our lives so much and are often our first teachers on learning to deny ourselves and put others first.

Through our children we often learn to enjoy the Lord’s creation. Through them we learn to see the wonder in a caterpillar or in the rippling of water.

And through our children we are given our best chance to live out our faith before others. Our children learn from watching us and our faith…as true, born again Christians…will impact them.

It is a great privilege to be entrusted with such blessings.

What we often forget in our enjoyment and day to day encounters with our children is that we aren’t just raising these little people that bring so much to our earthly lives….we are raising souls that belong to the Lord.

While we pray for our children’s salvation, while we live the examples we want them to follow, we may forget to stop and remember that this child that belongs to us is actually a soul that doesn’t belong to us at all.

Their souls belong only to the Lord and it’s His place to do with them what he wants. We can only guide those souls in whatever small way the Lord will allow us.

I am a homeschooling mother. Have…in fact…homeschooled my children since before they were old enough to need any form of ‘school’. In the homeschool world there is great stock placed in curriculum. There are conventions where all manner of it are displayed. You can order magazines about it, get catalogs delivered to your door that can eat up hours and hours of your days. There are hundreds if not thousands of websites offering everything from single subjects to all-inclusive curriculums. There are ‘Christian’ curriculums, secular curriculums, and more. You name it if you want to teach it to your child you can probably find it.

There are whole models of education formed around certain ideas of how you should teach your children. And there are complete models formed around the idea that you can’t teach your child, that children learn when they are ready and not before no matter what…or how much…you pump into them.

Some families are ‘homeschoolers’. That is their identity. It’s who they are and it describes everything about how they live their lives, much the way other people describe being ‘doctors’ or ‘world travelers’. It is…quite simply…who they are. And they take pride in who they are.

There are many families among the homeschool world that homeschool for the sole purpose of being able to pump ‘Christian’ content into their children. They believe that it is their place to be the religious instruction for their children and that that should include their children’s education.

Let me say…I agree with that…to a point. I do believe that as parents we have a responsibility to teach our children of our beliefs, to live out those beliefs to them, and to give them the gospel.

I don’t however believe that we can instruct our children into salvation…which is basically what some among the homeschool world are attempting to do.

Being entrusted with children…with souls…by the Lord is a privilege that comes with the added privilege of being able to live out our faith in front of our children and the ability to give them the gospel as we will probably never be able to give it to anyone else. Part of that privilege is the joy of watching our children grow and learn.

I have met many a homeschooling parent and curriculum provider that believed that getting ‘Christian’ beliefs into the ‘Christian’ child was the single most important purpose of home educating them.

The trouble with this philosophy is that it completely misses the Biblical teaching that salvation is of the Lord and that we can’t work our way into it.

If we could…if we had to…if our children’s salvation rested in our hands and in how much of the Scriptures we could get into their hearts…we would fail. Miserably.

Because salvation rests in the Lords hands alone. He is the only one that can save our children and He will do so at His will regardless of what we do or do not do.

The vessels of God’s mercy (Romans 9:22-23) are prepared for eternal glory by the Lord and they are prepared according to the plan He has in place for them. When the time is right the Lord will draw (John 6:44) or more accurately according to the Greek text…draw…their hearts and souls to Him.

What has gone into their hearts and minds prior to that moment is only what was placed in their lives so that the Lord could get them to the place where He would save them.

If it was required of us…as parents…to put everything into our children that would save them…we would fail. We simply cannot put the love of Christ into their hearts so that they will love Him above all else. Sin lives in their hearts from birth and it will take root and grow despite our best efforts to weed it out.

This sin kills our children’s hearts so much so that they are dead in sins. Only the Lord can give them life from those sins and it’s His will to do so or not and there’s nothing that we…or they…can do to affect that. While our children are dead in their sins they are in complete darkness, lost to their sins, so much so that the darkness they live in will keep them from Christ…aside from a basic head knowledge that will allow them to profess a belief that does not reach their hearts.

That is the best condition that we can hope to ‘impart’ to them through anything that we…or they…do. Everything else…salvation…is in the Lord’s hands. It’s a gift that he pours out into those that He chooses to receive it. A gift is something that is freely given, not something we work to earn.

The educating of our children in the ways of the Lord may give them a head knowledge, it may restrain them in their sins, but it will not give them salvation.

Oh, but if we could. How great it would be to focus all of our earthly time and attention on our children’s souls and know that we were giving them their very salvation.

I would gladly spend every hour of every day working the Truth of Christ into my children’s hearts if only it would save them.

But Scripture tells us that isn’t the way salvation works and that nothing I do will save my children. The good news in that is that nothing I do…no failure on my part… will cast them into hell either.

They came into this world souls that belong to the Lord, to be used for His purpose…whatever that may be…and they will go out of this world the same way.

I can only touch their earthly lives to the extent the Lord allows me to do so.

 

Hidden idolatry

How easy it is for our hobbies and interests to overtake us. Scripture tells us to have no idols and yet we do, even those of us that are truly born again. We may feel like we don’t, think we don’t, believe we don’t.

But we do.

How many times have you felt like you played second fiddle to a loved one’s interests? How many times has your husband or wife’s interests or hobbies pushed you aside…even without meaning to…and left you feeling as if you’re less important than whatever it is that draws their attention?

How many times have your children felt that way? Does you cell phone or computer take up more of your time than they do?

Even cooking and household chores can become something of an idol. I’ve known many a women that puts great stock in their home. They decorate it, rearrange it, buy more things to make it look better, move this here and that there just to get a better effect. I’ve been in many a home where I felt as if I touched something I’d soil it.

Is that not an idol?

What do the families of women like that feel about their home? About their mother’s love for their home?

I have a relative that loves to cook. She’ll often start cooking lunch as soon as breakfast is finished. She makes huge meals. So much so that eating at her home is like eating at a buffet style restaurant. She’s a very good cook and I’ve never heard anyone say a word of complaint about the meals she prepares. And plenty partake of those meals. As the meal she’s cooking nears the ready point she picks up the phone and calls all her grown children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren and tells them it’s done.

Now we’re not talking about family that lives in her home or even down the road. A few are that close, others live across town or even in another town. They have their own homes and families but she calls them and when she does some combination of them comes to eat.

This relative spends hours and hours preparing meals. She does it when she’s the only one home and she does it when she has company in from out of state. It seems to be something she does for her own enjoyment but it also appears to be her way of taking care of her family, even when they need to be taking care of themselves and their own families.

But there comes a point that this interest…this hobby…this method of caring for the family crosses from simply feeding her family into something else. Call it obsession, call it a hobby, call it therapy…call it idolatry.

Here’s the thing, this same relative doesn’t allow anyone else to cook in her home, will…to a degree…allow someone else to do the dishes. She uses so much time preparing the meals that feed her family’s bodies but much less time feeding their need for time spent with her.

I’ve been the out of state relative in her home and I can tell you that as appreciative as I was for the meals she made…there were many times I’d have rather ate cold cereal or sandwiches and had more time with her.

How many times do those we love the most feel that way about the things we do?

How much more so does our Lord feel that way?

My children have told me on numerous occasions ‘you’re always doing _________’. Now it doesn’t seem to matter what I happen to be doing. If I’m spending quite a bit of time with one child for a certain reason, the others have that feeling…whether they voice it or not. If I’m spending more time with my husband, if I’m having to check my email more often, if I’m writing more blogs, even if I’m doing a lot of laundry. Their hearts seem to grab onto the thought and feeling that I’m putting something else ahead of them if I do anything that takes up my time. And the sad truth is that is often the case. Not because I want anything to take more time than my family but because it really doesn’t matter what we do if it takes our time, it takes us from our loved ones.

I can sit beside my husband or children but if I’m focusing on something I’m writing, reading, or doing…I’m not focusing on them. I can claim to be spending time with my children at the park but the reality is if I’m sitting on a bench while they play…how much of my attention are they getting? Just because I’m there…in their presence…doesn’t mean I’m focused on them.

I had to take one of my daughters to the emergency room a while back. It was late at night and this daughter, while uncomfortable, wasn’t in dire need of my attention. In fact she wound up sleeping through a good part of the emergency room visit. There were many an hour during that visit that I sat there either thinking or reading and not giving my total focus to that daughter. Now, she didn’t need my total focus but the reality is that since my attention was on other things through part of that…it wasn’t on her.

The same holds true for my Lord. If my total attention isn’t on Him then whatever I happen to be doing is causing me to break that first and most important commandment.

My husband works to provide for us. He puts in lots of long, hard, hours to do that. That work takes him away from me in more ways than one. It takes him away when he’s working away from home and it takes him away when he’s working at home. But it also takes him away from me when he’s thinking about work or when he’s so tired from all the work he does.

Working is something he has to do, and he does it for us, but it’s still something that takes him away from me. I know that. I can rationalize it. I can understand the reasons. But there are still times when I feel like I want to say…can’t you just set it aside for a while?

How many times does our Lord think that of the things that are in our lives? How many times are we ‘always doing __________’ instead of focusing on Him like we should?

It is impossible to keep the number one commandment. As fallen people we simply can’t love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, and minds all of the time. We just can’t do it. Thoughts and emotions come into play, worries about our earthly life come into play, we think of what we want to do, what we need to do, what we should be doing, and every one of those thoughts removes the Lord from our complete focus.

I know someone that is almost always talking of how busy they are, how much they have to do, how much they are doing, how much they will be doing. This person seems to keep so busy that I wonder if they aren’t running circles around themselves…and for what? I’m sure some of the things this person does are necessary, but I’m equally certain that a good part of what they’re doing isn’t.

I homeschool my children. In the homeschool world the world twaddle is used to describe any kind of school work that serves the purpose of keeping the child busy rather than any real purpose in teaching them something. It’s the things that are used to fill up space but serve no real function beyond that. Public schools use this method a lot.

How much of what we do would the Lord consider twaddle? 

How much of it hurts our families? How much of it takes us away from them even if we’re in their presence? Do the people we love most feel as if we love our hobbies and interests more? Do they feel like we’d rather be doing that than spending time with them? Do we turn to the things that give us peace, that ease our minds, that help with our own pains, when our loved ones hurt and need us most?

People with addictions will say they aren’t addicted. They say they can quit when they want. They rationalize what they’re doing by saying it doesn’t hurt anyone, or that they only do it for fun, or for relaxation…or whatever. But it does hurt those closest to them.

How many of our interests fall into the same category? How many people are addicted to the things they enjoy? How many of those interests wind up hurting those that they love the most?

And how much more does our Lord…a jealous God…get set aside for the things that draw our attention?

If our loved ones feel we turn more to our interests than we do to them, if they feel set aside, pushed aside, or ignored for our interests…how much more so does our Lord feel when our hearts and thoughts are taken from Him?

Like rich men and camels

1 James, a bond- servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad: Greetings.
2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:1-4 NASB)

When it rains it pours. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that old saying in my life. Meaning that when one trial comes…many come at once. And all too often it’s true. How is it that just at the moment in life when things start to get rough, just when we feel like we might can manage under the stresses coming our way at that time…that so many more just flood us?

Life has a way of throwing things at us in ways we never expect or are prepared for. Or so it seems. Many attribute all these things to life, to chance, to happening without ever knowing there was a greater Hand at work in it all. They chalk it all up to coincidence or bad luck.

But Scripture clearly tells us that there is a method to the madness. There is a reason. There is a purpose. There is a plan.

And there is a higher power…a holy God…controlling it all.

But what happens when a person begins to feel that even that Holy God has turned against them? When those trials become too much to bear and thoughts turn to how even the Lord has gone against us…what then?

If we are truly in Christ we may feel that way…I didn’t think it possible until recently when the many trials I have faced lately became just one too many…for a time. How long that time will last most likely will depend on many things. The biggest of those things is how long the Lord will let us stay there.

I was there not all that long ago. My every moment was weighed down with the pains and cares placed upon me by this world…by my Lord…and I struggled through each day. My human mind couldn’t handle the most recent…one in a line of many…trial that I was placed in. And I lost my focus. I struggled. I cried. I hurt.

But I did it all alone.

I forgot…in that pain…to turn to my Lord. And in forgetting I lost the Hope that lives in me. The Hope that lets me face each day, each trial, just a little bit easier.

And while I was in that time…while I was focusing on the hurt and not the Hope…I got weighed down. I forgot…for a time…that I needed to cling tighter to Christ.

I remember once, years ago, when I felt like the Lord was doing something in my life. What He was doing I couldn’t see but I could feel that He was working in me…changing me…changing my life. I remember that in my prayers I said something like ‘you’re taking me somewhere, aren’t you’ and realized as soon as I said it that He is always taking me somewhere.

Some days He gently guides me by the hand, leading me around every hole in the ground, every rock that might make me stumble and other days…

Other days he shoves me head first into a pit of unknown dangers. At least there are days when it feels that way. On those days…which are really times and not necessarily days…I barely manage to get my feet under me before the rug is yanked away. Sometimes what’s under the rug is solid floor and sometimes it’s a deep dark hole that I must tumble through.

Those are trials. They are tribulations. They are tests to my faith.

Sometimes I pass the tests.

And sometimes I fail.

But either way…the Lord always brings me through it. He always reminds me that my hope is in Him. And so is my life. In the good and the bad. He has a plan and a purpose for my life and because he does…there is a method to the madness.

Life in general is much like a roller coaster. Everyone has good days and bad days. They have good times and bad times. There are times of plenty and times of little. There are times when we are so happy we can’t see straight. And times when we hurt so much we can’t see at all.

I told my daughter a couple of months ago that it isn’t in our good times that we grow and learn but in the hard times. It’s in those moments that we must struggle and hurt that we grow and mature.

As parents we want so much to save our children from all suffering. We want them to be happy and to have the things they need…and all too often want…of this world. But we often forget that as Christians…it’s a whole different story. Scripture tells us that it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to go to heaven.

So why do we cater to our children? Why do we give them everything we can so that they have better earthly lives?

I spent so many years as a parent trying to give my children…everything. I didn’t want them to know when times got hard. I wanted them to feel secure. I did my best to give them security in everything…in our finances, in our home, in me. In everything.

And then one day…things changed. Suddenly, with little warning. And it shook my children’s world. The younger ones bounced back rather quickly. The middle ones had a little tougher time. But the oldest…oh, the oldest…it took months and much angst before there was any semblance of recovery. And the trial…wasn’t even a horrible experience. Only a change in life and circumstances.

But because I had gone to such lengths to keep everything secure…to see to it that the children knew as little suffering as possible…my children suffered when that change came.

How prepared are our children for the trials and tribulations of life when we protect them from the bumps in the road along the way?

How prepared are we for the mountains when we rarely climb the little hills?

I speak of children only because that time in our lives when things changed suddenly stands out so much as I write this. It reminds me of the very truth in camels going through needles verses rich men getting to heaven.

We may not see ourselves or our children as being rich but no matter how poor we are…people in America are generally richer than people in a good part of the world. Our children may grow up with parents that struggle to pay the bills but how many times do we find a way to get them as much of the ‘I want this’ that we can squeeze from our meager funds? And when the funds are greater…so are the ‘I wants’.

I remember in my teen, when I was ready for my first car, my grandmother loaned me the money to make a down payment on a car that only cost me $1,200.00 total. But I had to put a down payment on it and make payments until it was paid off. I not only made payments on the car but I made payments on the money my grandmother had loaned me to get the car. I bought my own gas, paid for my insurance and tags.

That car was my first taste of financial responsibility. I remember how hard I worked to make the money to make those payments and to keep that car. I was 17 years old, in high school, and raising a child that wasn’t mine.

I remember, too, how a few years later my grandmother bought my younger cousin a truck with a price tag in the thousands. That cousin was given that truck with no expectation of paying back a single penny of the price. That cousin paid for nothing of it’s expense.

At the time I remember thinking of how I had worked to pay off my car…which had cost a fraction of the price of my cousins truck…and how I had been expected to repay the few hundred dollars I had been loaned as the down payment for my car. At the time I think I may have had some hard feelings over that. But as time went on…as I saw the difference in how I matured as I worked for my car…and how my cousin didn’t…I was grateful things had worked our for me as they had.

Now, as I write this, as I remember that time in my life, I think of the camel and the rich man. I think of the lessons I learned in the struggle to pay for a car that cost so little. I remember how I agonized over the expense of vehicle repairs…but I got them done. I remember how happy I was to see new tires on my car the day I could finally afford to get them.

And I remember how careful I was with that car.

I knew better than to let it run out of oil because I would have to pay to have the damage repaired. I knew better than to leave the keys in the ignition because I would have to buy another car if that one got stolen.

Those are lessons that I learned well and still apply today.

I think, too, of the many Christmas toys that were short lived. Of the sometimes minutes that they held my children’s attention. And then I think of how that changed when the toys being received on Christmas dwindled. I think of how as my children learned to work for their own money, to buy their own toys, to understand that there would be less on Christmas morning, how they made wiser ‘I want’ lists. How they understood just what that toy they were given was worth.

They still leave their toys in the floor. They still grow bored with them. They still make ‘I want’ lists a mile long. But they also understand a little better…because they’ve had to buy some of those toys themselves…just what it takes to get them.

And I think of the camel and the rich man.

As a child I grew up with many struggles. Like everyone in all of time, those struggles came and went. There were hard times and there were easy times. Good times and awful times. There were times I would have stayed in forever and times I couldn’t wait to escape. But when I look back on my own childhood and I look at my children’s I can see that I succeeded in protecting them from so much of the bumps of childhood. That’s good, right? Isn’t it what all of us as parents try to do?

But in the end do I want my child to be a camel or a rich man?

Do I want them to learn and grow because they had to struggle a while or do I want them to despair because they are protected from the struggles, because I do all that I possibly can for them, and then have to watch them reach despair when they must face hills that I can’t route them around…long before they ever have to climb a mountain.

And I think of the camel and the rich man.

And I think of me. Of my own life. Of my hurts, my pain, my trials.

I remember reading something years ago about how the Mennonites go through life looking at everything as heaven is the goal. Then they ask themselves if whatever they are doing…getting…thinking about…will get them closer to that goal or further away from it.

I have no idea if they really do that or if it was something someone wrote somewhere because it’s what they think the Mennonites do. And I know that whether heaven is our goal or not…nothing we do will get us there so that thought process is futile. But I found it to be an interesting idea at the time that I read it and I find it interesting now.

Not because we can get ourselves to heaven through the things we do or do not do, but because of the camel and the rich man. Because I worked for my car and my cousin didn’t. Because I see the difference in how I handled problems of all sizes and how my children do.

Heaven is attainable only if the Lord choses us to be the recipient of the gift of salvation. But…if heaven is the goal…would we rather be camels or rich men? Even in life…when trials and tribulations come…would we rather struggle through the hills so the mountains don’t seem quite as hard or as high…or would we rather never climb a hill and then have to scale a mountain?

Trials have come my way, in what at times has seemed like one after another this year. There have been times that I barely got over the worst of the pain from one trial before another one hit. I am on the mountain. I must climb it. It’s been a difficult climb and it’s not over yet. But how much harder would it have been if I’d never scaled a hill?

I wrote some time ago about how the Lord places things in our lives to prepare us for the plan He has for us. My childhood prepared me for the road I would walk as an adult. My teen years prepared me for my adult years. My years as a mother prepared me for my years as a grandmother. My years as a young woman prepared me for my years as an old woman… There are probably millions of things in my life…most of which I know nothing of…that have prepared me for something. They were stepping stones that laid the ground for what was or is to come.

The most important groundwork was that which was laid to prepare me for the day the Lord would save me. We are told time and again in Scripture that Christ is the foundation, He is the cornerstone. He is the goal…even when we aren’t the ones laying the foundation or working for the goal.

Because of the foundations that the Lord placed in me…He gave me the goal. And still…the struggles in life are there. Some of those struggles are hills, some are mountains, but struggle we must.

33 These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NASB)

Being in the world is a struggle…and because we are in the world…we will struggle. But we have Hope in Christ. When the world’s cares take all hope away…there is Christ. There is Hope.

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (1 Peter 1:3-5 NASB)

We may lose our earthly hope for a little while but if we belong to Christ He will only leave us in that place for so long before He reminds us of Who we belong to. Like a kick in the backside that reminder is enough to pull us back to where He wants us to be. We must struggle, we must hurt, we must face the trials and tribulations, but we must face them not for chance, or just because, but for the purpose that the Lord has made us, so that He may put us where He wants us and so that He can make us what He wants us to be.

6 In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, 7 so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; (1 Peter 1:6-7 NASB)

We have been given Hope beyond measure when we are in Christ. Our salvation is our greatest hope. Christ is our great Hope. Earth and all it’s cares can take away our fleshly hope in this world but our true Hope lies in what has been given to us out of the mercy of our Lord.

I’ve heard many times that if ‘God will bring you to it, He will bring you through it.’ It’s something that I never paid much attention to. But if you really stop and think about it, there’s much truth in that. The Lord will bring us to many things…He will also bring us through them. And when we come out the other side of them…how much richer will we be for the struggle we endured?

Not rich like the rich man, but rich like the camel that struggled long and hard to get through the eye of the needle…painfully, slowly…and when he finally popped out the other side…discovered he was in heaven.

Our trials…tribulations…sorrows…pains…are only for a little while. They are the refining fires that make us who the Lord wants us to be. And in that refining fire…oh, how we change, mature and grow, whether we want to or not.

I have made taffy candy, have watched it made on large scales…when taffy is made you take a substance that is stretchy but firm and twist it, pull it, squeeze it, and start again. Over and over and over you twist and pull this semi-stretchy substance until it changes and becomes soft and pliable. It goes from what it was…to what it is supposed to be.

It is molded. It is changed. It is refined.

Like taffy, we are pushed and pulled, twisted and squeezed by the Lord and His plan until we sometimes feel as if we can’t take another moment of torture but…what the Lord brings us to, He brings us through. And out the other side we emerge…like a butterfly from a cocoon, no longer a caterpillar but a butterfly with beautiful wings…something greater than we were when we started the process.

Because there is a method to the madness. Because when we belong to Christ He won’t allow us to be rich men…we must be camels that struggle to get through the eye of the needle.

I read a book the other day…actually I finished a book the other day, it took a few days to read it…about a little girl whose one desire was to own a Bible. This girl lived in a time and place when Bibles were hard to come by. She worked and longed for a Bible of her own. She walked miles just to read someone else’s Bible. It took her years and years to earn enough money to buy her own Bible and then she had to walk 50 miles to get it. She covered those 50 miles, barefoot, in two days.

We live in a time where Bibles are plentiful and can be had cheaply. I know of a thrift store that gives away Bibles…they won’t charge for them no matter their condition, age or worth. If I walk through my house I could gather enough Bibles provide them to a good number of people.

But that little girl worked long hard hours for years to be able to buy a Bible. Then she walked many, many miles to get one. How much more did that Bible mean to her, when she finally got it, than does the Bible my daughter owns that was given to her at her birth?

How much more precious did the words in the Bible seem to a child that longed to read them for years and had to work hard for that privilege?  

Like the camel struggling through the eye of the needle, that girl struggled for the words of our Lord. She toiled and labored much for the chance to own a copy of what she considered a treasure.

And treasure it she did. The very Bible that young girl worked so hard for was passed on at her death and now lives in a museum. It has survived for hundreds of years.

I have a Bible in my home that is falling apart. I got it that way. It’s a cheap paperback Bible that isn’t all that old, and doesn’t have the look of a Bible that has been read much. Instead of falling apart because it was a much used Bible it appears to be falling apart because it was a much abused Bible. I own it because it serves a purpose that I could never do with an intact Bible. The very fact that it is falling apart has now allowed it to become a much used Bible.

But when I think of the history it most likely had to wind up in the condition it was in when I got it…I am reminded of the little girl that worked so hard, for so many years, to get a Bible of her own. And how she would have treasured a single page from this falling apart Bible.

When things are given to us easily, we generally fail to see the treasure that we hold. Another saying I’ve heard many times…’easy come, easy go.’ Bibles in our country are so easy to be had that most people put little value on any particular Bible. When Bibles were harder to come by people treasured them, they kept family records in them, they gave them places of honor in their homes, and they passed them from generation to generation.

Some of those Bibles had been struggled for, worked for, and highly protected and cared for as a result.

How much greater is the prize…when we finally come through the needle…once we’ve struggled through it?