What was it like for Paul?

Paul wrote most of the books in the New Testament. He didn’t walk the earth with Christ but he had an encounter with him. His teaching was vital to the growth of the church, to getting the message to God’s people.

But he didn’t start out that way.

9 But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest ² and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.

Not only wasn’t Paul…then called Saul…not a Christian but he was against Christians. He was out to get as many as he could and was willing to travel to do so. He even asked to be sent out so that if he found any Christians along the way he could bring them bound to Jerusalem.

Why?

What was so offensive about Christians that Paul was breathing threats and murder? Paul was clearly evil. He had a hatred for Christians in his heart and was willing to do what it took to get rid of them.

What had caused him to have such a hatred of them? Was it his upbringing? His family beliefs? His education? Society? Where and when did he develop such hatred for Christians? What kind of man was he? When he wasn’t arresting Christians who was he? Was he loud and boastful of his conquests? Was he filled with anger? Did the evil that he had done eat at him even if he wouldn’t acknowledge it? What kind of man was he?

Whatever kind of man he was, whatever his personality, the Lord was about to change him.

³ Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him.

Imagine going down the road and all of a sudden being surrounded by a light. What did Paul think as it surrounded him? Was he afraid? Astounded? Amazed? What kind of light was it? Did it bring warmth with it as the sun does or was it just a bright light? The only answer we have lies in Paul’s reaction…

⁴ And falling to the ground…

Why did he fall to the ground? Was the light so bright that he was blinded by it? We know that when he got up he was unable to see…

Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing.

But was he blinded by the light? Was he so shocked at the light that surrounded him that he fell to the ground? Was the light so hot that he sought to escape it? What about the light made him fall to the ground?

And what did he think when…

 he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”

There, surrounded by light, Paul heard the voice of the Lord. Did it send fear through him? He knew what he had been doing. Was he afraid that the Lord was retaliating? Did he know the fear of God in that moment? What did he think, feel, as he lay/sat on the ground surrounded by light? How long did it take him for form his answer?

⁵ And he said, “Who are you, Lord?”

Did he realize as he voiced the question that he had answered himself? Who are you, Lord. He knew to whom he was speaking even as he asked. Did he have some belief in Christ already to have called Him Lord?

And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.

Was he shocked that Jesus said he was persecuting Him and not the Christians he had been targeting? What thoughts and feelings went through him as he was accused of persecuting Christ? Had he adjusted to that accusation before he was told what to do?

⁶ But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.”

Did he fear what was to come when he got into the city? Was he afraid that he was about to be stoned or killed in some horrid way? Did he fear being imprisoned? Did he hesitate to do as he was told or did he quickly scramble to his feet?

⁸ Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing.

Did he panic when he realized he was blind? Did he cry out ‘I can’t see’? Did he wave his arms around and try to get his bearings. Or did he stand in fear, frozen in place, silent?

So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus.

How did he feel being led around like a small child, unable to see? He had so recently been a soldier, a warrior, hunting down Christians, arresting them, taking them in, and here he was unable to walk by himself. Had he been prideful before? Was he humbled then? Was he humiliated? Was he angry and bitter? Quiet?

⁹ And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.

Did he fear in those three days that he would never see again? Was he worried and stressed, his stomach tied in knots so that he couldn’t eat or drink? Did he stop eating and drinking as a way to fast? Was he so filled with shame, remorse, hurt, that he simply couldn’t eat for the disgust of what he had done? Or did he give up? Did he decide that if he couldn’t see, if he couldn’t be the man he was, that he didn’t want to go on?

Years ago I read a book where one of the men in it had been injured and paralyzed in an accident while working far from home. He was engaged to be married. The accident happened before the book started so when I came into the story it had already taken place. His fiancé rushed to him when she found out that he had been hurt. Upon her arrival she found him wounded but very much alive. Her worry turned to gratitude to discover the man she loved, the man she wanted to spend her life with, was still alive. That was her thoughts and feelings as she entered his hospital room.

His reaction to seeing her was completely different. He got angry, ended their engagement and sent her away. Because of his injuries he felt that he wasn’t the man he had been, felt that he couldn’t be a proper husband to her.

Did Paul react that way? Did he get angry and resentful? Did he feel that he wasn’t the man he had been and if he had to go through life without sight that he’d rather not live? Was that why he quit eating and drinking?

What was it like in those dark days? When he didn’t know what his future was, when he was dependent on others, what did he think and feel? Was his spirit broken? Did his heart hurt? Was he afraid? Angry?

What was it like for Paul?

…look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying,

In those dark days Paul turned to prayer. Was he crying out to God for forgiveness? For healing? In anguish did he beg God to save him?

What did Paul think when someone’s hands touched him? Was he afraid of what was to come? Did he hope his anguish was almost over? Did he dread what was to come? Or did he think…let’s get it over with?

¹⁷ So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”

Was Paul happy to hear those words? Was he excited at the thought of seeing again? Was he glad to know the Lord didn’t intend harm for him?

 ¹⁸ And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight.

How happy was he to be able to see again? Did he understand the changes that were happening to him? Did he welcome the Holy Spirit?

What was it like for Paul to go through such a huge change in his beliefs? Did he fear what others would do to him? Did he look forward to the task he was given?

What was it like for Paul?