What makes a marriage?

My husband and I have now had two different wedding ceremonies. One a standard, state sanctioned wedding…and we have the piece of paper that proves it. But the other…the other ceremony was just between us and the Lord, witnessed by a few loved ones. It was a covenant made between us and the Lord, a covenant we have no intention of ever breaking.

And that covenant was made before we went through the state sanctioned ceremony that earned us a piece of paper that said we were married.

There are those that didn’t believe we were married because we didn’t do it legally the first time, those that said it wasn’t marriage because we didn’t have that paper. Two of our daughters have told us so. The state, and all legal entities, would have told us so.

Because we didn’t have a piece of paper.

I have a friend that is a reformed believer…she acknowledged our marriage as real because we made vows before the Lord.

I have a sister that isn’t a believer…she acknowledged our marriage as real because we made vows to each other.

Both of them see marriage as I do, as my husband does…that it’s a commitment, a relationship, that no piece of paper can create, and no piece of paper can erase it.

But I have other family…other people that we know. Some acknowledged that we were married before that legal ceremony, some did not. Some have flat out said that we weren’t married because we didn’t have that state issued paper, others have implied it. And still others have said nothing which…for me…was much better than the skepticism.

I fully understand why those who did not believe we were married felt the way they did. They, as the rest of our country, have been conditioned to believe that a marriage sanctioned by the state, with its state issued marriage license, is the only way a couple can be married. They have grown up being fed the whole American version of what a wedding and marriage is.

And for them…

It requires a piece of paper.

But for me…that piece of paper, while important for the legal rights it gives, is not what makes a marriage. I could have a piece of paper that said I was married but have no commitment with my husband, live across the country- or the world- from him, never seeing him, living my life as if he didn’t exist and because of that paper…

I

would

be

married.

But…Does that make a marriage? Just because you have a piece of paper issued by the government, signed by some person given ‘authority’ by the state to marry…are you married?

There’s so much in the news today about the law and homosexual marriages. That’s a subject I’m not touching on my blog. Like everyone else I have my opinions but it isn’t my purpose to cover the world’s happenings with my writings. But while people are out there fighting with anyone and everyone to have the right to get a piece of paper declaring them married…is that what makes a marriage? No matter who you are…do you really need a paper to tell you you’re married?

Or can you make a commitment to one another and be married?

I suppose it’s all in the mind of each individual. It’s what you believe. What you think. What you want for yourself, for your life. What you can live with. And it all boils down to the question…

What makes a marriage?