Sinless perfection

 

Can we ever get to the point where we never sin? That idea was recently introduced to me not as a question but as an idea I encountered through several sources. What I didn’t know as that idea was presented to me was that that idea is what is called sinless perfection.

The problem as I see it with sinless perfection starts with the very idea that it’s possible to even consider the idea of being sinless in any way. We are born into sin through the sin of Adam and therefore can never live a sinless life. It’s not possible. We are all sinners and as I recently heard from someone speaking against the idea of ‘God loves everyone’ the wonder isn’t that the Lord doesn’t love everyone…the wonder is that He loves anyone. We are all so sin filled, so filthy in our sins before a holy God that it’s a wonder that He loves any of us.

So to consider the idea that anyone can ever, in any way, be sinless is to disregard the fact that we are all born full of sin. That very basic fact keeps me from ever being able to believe in the idea of anyone ever being sinless. But the fact that I can never believe in any form of being sinless there are those that believe they can in some way be sinless. At least they seem to believe that if they live out a life as sinless as they can that somehow God owes them something.

Scripture doesn’t support that theory but it’s an idea some hold to nonetheless. Sinless perfection…to me…doesn’t need to be explored beyond the term to know it’s unattainable. There is no person that will ever live that will be perfect…Christ was the only one. And there is no one that will ever be sinless. My mind, in my beliefs, stops at that very point. But I’m going to push past my own stopping point in order to tackle the subject of sinless perfection as I understand it.

I would assume that we all want to live sinless before the Lord. Anyone with any type of belief in God would…I assume…want to be found as sinless as possible. Many will in fact even claim not to sin. That’s impossible but it is a belief many hold to. How many people would tell you they haven’t sinned today?

If I open my eyes in the morning it’s a guarantee that I will sin. Not because I want to but because something…possibly everything…I do will fail to meet the perfect, holy standards of the Lord. Scripture even tells us that even once we are saved we will sin. 1 John 2:1 says…

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. ² He is the propitiation for our sins…

If the Lord has truly saved us it should be our greatest desire to avoid sin but complete sinlessness will never happen and so we are told that we have an advocate in Christ if we do sin.

I have to ask…based on the above verse alone…does it sound like those that are in Christ will ever reach a state of complete sinlessness? The idea that we can live a sinless life not only goes against my beliefs…it goes against Scripture. Nowhere in the Bible does it teach that we can ever reach a state of sinless perfection.

And if it isn’t taught in the Bible…it’s a false doctrine. If I ever heard anyone teaching or preaching the concept of sinless perfection I would have no choice but to walk away from that teaching knowing I had just heard a lesson of heresy. And that the person teaching that concept was nothing short of a false teacher.

I’m absolutely positive I’ve heard many a false teacher teach from a false doctrine but the idea of sinless perfection isn’t one I’ve ever heard preached or taught. It’s only been very recently that I’ve encountered the idea. Even still it’s something that should be opposed for the false teaching that it is no matter how we encounter it.

As I understand sinless perfection it’s a works system that holds at its foundation the idea that we can somehow attain a level of sinlessness…or at least of conscious sinlessness…that we manage to work ourselves into a place where the Lord can…and will…save us.

It’s something we do…rather, it’s something some people do…it’s an experience. It’s human workings with the idea that those deeds will get a person closer to Christ.

As I was researching the concept of sinless perfection I came across an article that said those that try and attain sinless perfection and think they have reached it often tend to be proud of their accomplishment and often try and get others to work toward the same state.

That very pride is enough to completely ruin their attainment of becoming sinless.

An high look, and a proud heart…is sin. Proverbs 21:4

But I can understand their pride in what they see as becoming sinless. I really can. If I held to the belief that it’s possible to live in a state of sinless perfection I think not only would I be proud of the fact that I had attained such a difficult feat but that my thoughts would go something like…if I can work my way into this perfect condition where I have reached the Lord then I need to show others how to get here. Much the way we…as Christians…want others to share in our faith and the security we have in Christ. But we can’t bring others to Christ any more than the sinless perfectionist can bring someone into a state of sinless perfection.

But I can understand their reasoning. I can even understand the pride that goes with the belief. We know that pride is a sin but to my way of thinking so is sinless perfection. And as a sin it’s something we should strive to avoid but for the person working their way toward Christ through sinless perfection they have already missed some key points in Scripture and therefore are already dealing with this concept out of what seems to me to be sin. I will give them credit though…it must be hard to be that perfect, to work that hard, to attain something…or to try to attain it.

So in their own pride, in their self-satisfaction, in that place where they believe they have reached sinless perfection…why wouldn’t they want to bring others into their hope? They now believe that they do not sin. If they can just convince the sinners to work hard enough…convince them to do enough…give up enough…act a certain way…then they can help them find salvation, or at least get to a place where the Lord can reach them so that He can save them.

The trouble with that is that we can never work our way to Christ. Salvation is a gift we are given and there’s nothing we can do to attain it. No amount of working or living as sin-free as we can manage will ever be good enough for our holy Lord. Our greatest works are but filthy rags to a God that is holy.

And shall we be saved? For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; And all of us wither like a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. Isaiah 64:5-6

Imagine for a moment the most filthy rag or item of clothing your mind can conjure up. Is it covered in blood? Bugs? Mud? Rotting food? Does it smell of death? Of decay? That is what our greatest deeds are before the Lord.

How then can anyone reach a place where the Lord looks on our works and calls them good enough for Him?

We can’t.

It’s only by His mercy that He will ever look at anything we do as good. But for those who believe in sinless perfectionism they often don’t see the many sins they commit. Or they soften them to see them as less than sin. In my research I discovered that sinless perfectionism isn’t just an idea that some believe will work them to a place where God can save them…for some they believe it is a state they must reach in order to be saved. To them…it is a necessity.

I can’t help but wonder how they manage to reach their idea of salvation if they somehow have to be perfect…without sin…before they can be saved. Scripture tells us that even after we’ve been saved we will never attain perfection. We will continue to sin, we will fail. We are to try to avoid sin but we aren’t told that we will ever be able to live a life free from sin.

Anyone subscribing to the belief of sinless perfection would have to disregard so much of Scripture that I can’t begin to list them all. I’m not even going to try. I would however like to point to one verse that sums it all up for me. This verse says so much to me on the topic of sinless perfection that I believe I could easily know that sinless perfection is heresy if this was the only verse I had to refute it.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8

Can that possibly be any plainer? If we…if anyone…says we have no sin…the truth is not in us. So anyone that believes they have reached a state where they do not sin…is in a state where they do not have the truth.

If that single verse isn’t enough to show us that sinless perfection is a false doctrine then we can look to…

If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:10

What more do we need to disprove the teaching of sinless perfection? What more can be said?

 

 

Being a help meet

As a woman…as a wife…Genesis 2:18 has such profound meaning. It’s so simple on the surface and yet…it’s beyond profound.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. KJV

What does it truly mean to be a help meet? It’s a term we don’t have today. The NIV and the NASB replace help meet with a helper suitable for him. The Esv says… a helper fit for him. No matter the description used the very idea is…intriguing.

The first part of that verse…it is not good that man should be alone. This speaks specifically of a male…of a man. There are times in Scripture when the word man is used for all mankind…men, women, and children…but here it is speaking of a man. And it isn’t good for man to be alone.

The Lord makes that statement…observation…decree…and then he immediately says what he will do to fix the problem. I will make him an help meet for him. This is where things get really interesting.

The Lord says…I will make a help meet for him. I will make. He will create a help meet…whatever that may be. When the Lord created Eve…did Adam have any idea what a help meet was? Do we…today, with all our technology…know what a help meet truly is?

Our human minds want to say that a help meet is simply a helper for Adam and the modern translations of the Bible show that. God made a helper for Adam. Simple.

Right?

Before we decide that it is that simple let’s look a little deeper. Looking at the Greek and Hebrew translations of the words help and meet, they are taken from the words "ezer" and ‘Ke-neg-dow’. I looked at both the Hebrew and the Greek translations and the words were the same in both….where I looked (Hebrew: http://biblehub.com/text/genesis/2-18.htm, Greek: http://biblehub.com/interlinear/genesis/2-18.htm). There was no difference in the original words used or their English translation.

In both Greek and Hebrew ezer is translated as ‘a helper’ and Ke-neg-dow is translated as ‘suitable’.  As I was researching these words I came across article after article that gave certain words as the translation of the Hebrew words.

These articles all had something going for them. I found myself seeing Genesis 2:18 in a new light the moment I looked at those words.  They took a verse that is already pretty amazing…pretty simple…and pretty complex…and turned it into something bigger…something greater…something…wow.

And yet I didn’t read more than a few sentences into each of these articles before I discovered I didn’t hold the same beliefs that the authors did. When I skipped to the end of the articles I discovered they all had something else I didn’t share. Every last one of those articles used the supposed Hebrew definitions to give…what seemed to me…more power to women than to men. They took those words and gave them a modern day twist that sounded more like feminism than it did Scripture.

I’m going to start first with a word that my husband taught me to use…one that until he showed me what it really meant, I never wanted to use…

Context.

To get the idea that these articles I partly read all came to they had to disregard the entire context of the Bible. Not only that but they were also using words that I didn’t see in either translation when I looked them up in the Greek and Hebrew. I don’t generally go to the original translations of Scripture but these articles all used the Hebrew translation so I looked it up myself. What I discovered was that the translations I found online weren’t using the same English words that the articles were. In the translations I looked at the English words were ‘a helper’ and ‘suitable.’  This actually made the NIV and the NASB translations pretty accurate to the original texts.

The articles all used the English words ‘power’ and ‘strength’ as the translation for ‘ezer’ and ‘ke-neg-dow’.  Using those words to translate ‘ezer’ and ‘ke-neg-dow’ the end conclusion of each of the articles was that woman was not only equal to man but actually had more ‘power’ than man. The Bible…if looked at in context shows something completely different than what the articles were not just suggesting but outright saying.  After reading over those articles I did do a bit more looking and found a few articles that came to the conclusion that Eve was Adam’s mirror image…or exact equal…instead of being superior to him.

I will come back to the context of Genesis 2:18 later for now I want to go back to the actual words used. The English words help and meet started out as the words ‘a helper’ and ‘suitable’. The word helper gives a slightly different idea than the word help does…and by the way as much as I like the words help meet I don’t see them in the original Greek translation. What is there is ‘suitable’ and ‘a helper’.

Helper is defined in the dictionary as one that helps, aids, or assists. It’s a person that is basically the helper of another. The assistant.

‘Suitable’ is defined as fitting or proper. The 1828 Webster’s Dictionary has the following listed in its definition for suitable… ornaments suitable to one's character and station…

Putting the English words ‘a helper’ and ‘suitable’ together we come up with something to the effect of…a person that properly assists, helps, or aids. I’m adding my own ideas into this next part but…what of the definition in the 1828 dictionary? Ornaments suitable to one’s character and station? This isn’t a Biblical definition, and I’m only putting my ideas into this, but…if we apply that definition to the word suitable as it applies to the original translation…

Eve was a helpful ornament that was fitting or proper to Adam’s character and position.

The same dictionary defines ornament as…

That which embellishes; something which, added to another thing, renders it more beautiful to the eye.

Also as…

Embellishment; decoration; additional beauty.

Again…this is only my ideas…my thoughts…but if Eve was to be a helpful ornament to Adam then she was there to be an embellishment…a decoration…to Adam and to help him. I know that there are those that see woman as nothing more than that…a decoration to men. That’s not what I’m implying. Several years ago I heard something from a supposedly Christian man that when his wife was dressed nice he felt ten feet tall walking beside her. That isn’t what I’m talking about either…not exactly. What I’m talking about is the completeness that comes with being married.

Before Eve…Adam was alone in the world. He had no one to help him with anything…not the simple day to day tasks and not the difficult tasks that require more than one person to accomplish. But he also had no one there for the more personal…more emotional…moments. Who was there to listen when Adam needed to talk? Who was there to offer moral support when he needed it? Who was there to…just be there for Adam?

Not too long ago I wrote a post titled ‘I am his weakness, he is my strength’. Who was there to be Adam’s weakness? Who was there to let Adam be weak?

When we love someone they become something to us that others aren’t…and when we marry someone they become even more to us. There is a place in us that that person fills that was empty until they came along. Once that love is there…the place is full. That person then has the power…the ability…to fill that place with nothing more than their presence.

In marriage our husband/wife fills a place in us that wasn’t occupied before. They have the ability to make the day better simply by being in our view. That completeness that we experience in our love for that person then becomes something of a decoration to us…to our life. Life is richer when we share it with another. In marriage life takes on a whole dimension that isn’t there when we’re alone. We are completed…decorated…because we are married.

I feel cared for…protected…safe…in my husband’s arms. I feel…at home. This is a feeling I do not have without my husband. It’s a feeling I didn’t have before we married and it’s a feeling I don’t have when we’re apart. Just being hugged by my husband reminds me that all is right in my world…even when everything else is wrong. For that time…that moment…I’m safe simply because he is there to care for me.

Before Eve…who was there to be all that and more for Adam? Who was there to fill the empty places in Adam? Who was there to complete him?

Would that filling of the empty places not be a decoration? Would giving him a place to be weak…a home for his heart…make Eve…make a wife…an ornament to her husband?

Would having a wife…the woman he loves…not give a man a reason to feel ten feet tall? Not in the prideful way the man I spoke of felt but in the simple fact that he now has a woman to care for and protect? Where he was alone he is now one person in two bodies? In marriage a man (and a woman) becomes a ‘we’ instead of an ‘I’.

I never played sports but it’s my understanding that in team sports there is a team mentality. Each member isn’t working and acting for him or herself but for the greater good of the team. They are a unit that must work not only together but each individual has to work toward what is best for the team. In marriage each person should strive to work for the ‘team’, for the ‘we’.

Since my husband and I married I’ve found myself shopping for clothes a bit differently. I prefer jeans and t-shirts for their comfort, convenience, and general ease of care and wear. My husband likes to see me in more feminine clothes. He hasn’t once told me not to wear jeans and t-shirts but I regularly wear things that wouldn’t generally be my first choice in clothes simply because I know it will please my husband. In those times I dress for ‘we’ instead of ‘I’.

Going back to the words ‘power’ and ‘strength’…if they truly can be applied to ‘ezer’ and ‘ke-neg-dow’ then when I wear clothes I know my husband will like I use my ‘power’ to strengthen us. Wearing things I know my husband likes is a simple thing. In most cases it has no bearing on anything I will do during the day and yet it has the ability to let my husband enjoy looking at me and it has the ability to say ‘I love you’ and ‘I care about what you think’. That’s a pretty powerful thing considering I did something so simple.

It may appear that by dressing in a way that I know brings joy to my husband that I would be making him feel ten feet tall in how I look. Whether that is the case or not…it isn’t my goal. You see…I’m not trying to decorate my husband’s arm…although I know that I do. I know that I am an extension of him in all that I do. I give people an impression everywhere I go, and that impression reflects on my husband. But that isn’t so much what I’m trying to do. The fact that it happens is a side benefit. What I’m doing…or trying to do…is complete my husband…give him joy in me…show him that I care. Basically…I’m trying to feed that inner place in him where I live…where I decorate his heart…his soul.

But that isn’t the kind of power the articles I came across were speaking of. They weren’t saying that a wife is to be a helpful decoration to her husband…a completion of him…and that that position comes with the power to…well…help and complete our husbands. That we have the power to let him be both strong and weak. That our existence in his life is powerful.

Most of the articles I found used the word power to show that woman was at least as powerful as a man. And in some ways she is…her importance is…vital…in the marriage. Some of the articles I looked at turned to having children as a way to describe how important a woman’s role in marriage is. But if we look to Scripture we can see that childbearing is not the reason a woman becomes a wife…nor is it her greatest contribution to marriage.

Genesis 2:18 does not say that God created someone to have Adam’s children. It says that He created a helper for Adam. Eve was first a helper…a completion…of Adam. Having children was a blessing that came from that union. It wasn’t her first or most important role.

The word ke-neg-dow is found only once in the Bible. It is used in Genesis 2:18 and speaks of Eve being made…or created…for Adam. It’s definition is that she was suitable for Adam…an ornament…for him. Some of those articles described it as being opposite him, or corresponding to him.

Much the way our left hand corresponds to our right. Our hands are equal to each other, they have the same basic function and yet…they are different. One hand is more dominant than the other. One hand has a leading role, the other a supporting role. One hand does most of the work, the other hand is there to assist when needed. Should something happen to the dominant…stronger…hand, the weaker hand can be trained to take over the role of the stronger hand but that isn’t its primary function.

Several of the articles I came across cited the root words of ezer as ‘to save’ or ‘to rescue’ and to ‘be strong’. Whether these words are right or not they could very well fit into the whole purpose behind Eve. Those articles used these definitions to show that Eve was (in the best one’s) an equal to Adam or (in the worst) superior to Adam.

But if we look back to the definition for helper…to save…to rescue…and to be strong…could all come into that very description. And how much more meaningful is it to know that in some ways Eve was not only a helper to Adam but a rescuer.

Again…this is not taken straight from Scripture. Scripture simply says that Eve was made to be a helper…a help meet. But because I’m writing this after having come across those articles I’m going to use these descriptions. If I in any way saved or rescued my husband it came about in the way I completed him…in the way I gave him a weakness to balance his strength. Much the way my left hand balances my right. Together they make a ‘team’ that are much better…much stronger…than one hand alone is.

Looking back to Genesis 2:18….if we can truly apply rescuer to that verse…we would have something that looked more like…I will make someone to rescue Adam. But that isn’t what Scripture says. Scripture says that God made a helper for Adam. In one of the articles I read it said that the root words for ezer are ‘to rescue’ or ‘to save’ and ‘to be strong.’ I know nothing of the original translations so must go from what I read elsewhere but…if we take those words and apply them to the term help meet…we get something that becomes much deeper and says much more about what Eve was for Adam…about what wife is to husband.

Going back to the 1828 dictionary and adding in this definition, we have something different…

Eve was a rescuing ornament that was fitting or proper to Adam’s character and position.

She was there not merely to help him as we tend to see helping someone today but that help had a much deeper purpose, a much more profound place. Her very existence was because…it was not good that man should be alone. She was created for the sole purpose of keeping Adam from being alone.

Was she there to be an ornament? Who knows but the very nature of her relationship with Adam would have made her a decoration to his life…because we all decorate the lives of those that love us. And still…her decoration would have come not in the shallow way that a throw pillow decorates a couch but in a deeper way that was the completion of who he was as a man because Eve was there…was created…for him.

This is where we can look again to our hands. I am right handed…it’s my dominant hand. My left hand has a supporting role in everything I do. As I type this…both of my hands must work together to make the words flow onto the page as I need them to, but there are other times when my left hand must take a side role to my right hand. When I write with a pen my right hand does 99% of the task while my left hands supports what my right hand is doing.

Eve was created for Adam…to be his helper…but she wasn’t made to be exactly like him. How easily God could have made another man. How easy it would have been for Him to simply make a companion for Adam. But that isn’t what God did. Instead of a companion, God made a help meet…a completion…of Adam.

Eve wasn’t simply designed the same way Adam was and placed on earth so that Adam wouldn’t have to go through life alone. She was created different. Male and female he created them. Those differences weren’t just skin deep, they weren’t just physical differences, they went all the way to the heart and soul of who Eve was.

There are things that I do and say, actions I take, reactions I give, that can be easily explained by simply saying…I’m a girl. Girls are emotional. Girls need more emotional support. Girls like girly things. Girls are…girls. Even as a woman, I’m still a girl…a female. As such I have an inbuilt need to love and be loved, a need to care for and be cared for, a need to nurture.

I read an article on encouraging your husband not all that long ago and in it the author said something about not mothering your husband, not treating him like a two year old,  but the very thing in women that makes us want to…need to…do that, is one of the very things that make us female. It is the need to nurture.

My husband told me once that I am the nurturer and he is the provider. Scripture bears out these roles. Men have one role, women another.

It’s what we were created for.

Originally…we were created to turn all that nurturing toward our husbands. Or at least the first female was. When Eve was created there was no one else for her to nurture. Adam was the only one around for her to unleash that on. That nurturing…was a very important part of who and what she was created to be.

I’m not saying we should treat our husbands like two year olds. We shouldn’t even consider it…that would show a complete lack of respect for him. But nurturing doesn’t have to mean mothering. It means caring for, loving…supporting.

Woman was created to be a help meet…a suitable helper…for man. That is the only reason we were created. There are other, side benefits, of being women…of men having wives…but our number one goal is to be a suitable helper to our husband.

Not long after I got married a well-meaning relative told me that I needed to remember that my husband was the second most important thing in my life now. I was completely ready to agree until this person went on not to say that the Lord was first and my husband second, but that children are first and then my husband.

Scripture shows us something completely different. From the creation of the very first woman…who was created not as a woman but as a wife, being a woman was what she was but she was made to be a wife.

That brings us back to the context of what women are in Scripture. Earlier I said that those articles had to disregard the context of Scripture to come to the conclusions they did about women. Scripturally we are taught that men are the head of women…

But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 NIV

We are taught that the husband is the head of the wife…

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:23 NIV

In at least one of the articles I read it went so far as to imply that Eve was the savior of Adam…that woman was the savior of man. Scripture tells us it is the exact opposite.

In Ephesians 5:22 we are told…

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (ESV)

Looking at the entire context of Scripture we see that woman was not above man, she was not his savior, she was not more powerful than he was. In the book of Ruth we are even shown how the husband…Boaz…was the salvation of his wife…Ruth.

The women in Scripture did not have more power than their husbands. They were under their husbands care. They had a place in their husband’s life…a supporting role…a place to decorate…but they did not hold more power than their husband did.

They were suitable helpers to their husbands. They filled a role, a void, in their husband’s lives. They gave him a weakness even as he gave them strength. They filled the empty places in his life, in him. They completed him.

They were his…help meet.

 

 

 

 

 

Serving others

Events in my life the last few months have created challenges and emotional pain in me that I could not have foreseen coming. Some of those events I knew would come before they arrived and others came quickly, with no forewarning, and took me by complete surprise. Each one of them shook my world.

It was during one of those events, in a time when I was most struggling, that a longtime friend, that lives hundreds of miles away, told me that if she lived close by her reaction to my experiences would have much different than the one she gave. She told me she was a server and that it’s hard to serve from a distance. She spoke of how I would have ‘wanted for nothing’ if she had been by my side, how she would have ‘been weeping’ along with me. She went on to tell me how she couldn’t be the person she really is over the computer or by the phone.

I have never, in any relationship I’ve ever had, wanted or expected, anyone to serve me. In any way. But compassion, understanding, and honest friendship…that was all I ever asked for, wanted, or expected.

Through several emails with this friend I can say that I not only didn’t feel the least bit served but I felt no compassion, no understanding, and was quickly losing the feeling of friendship.

Today I reread the post I wrote called ‘Peddling Christ’. In it I wrote of how Paul served Christ.

Serving Christ is to be just that…service to Him. We aren’t serving someone when we’re being paid for our works. We are simply exchanging what we do for compensation.

And as I read that I remembered the recent emails exchanged with this longtime friend. A friend that knows me better than anyone except for my husband. A friend that there was a time I would have believed I could count on for anything.

A friend that I no longer know how to talk to.

I will be, and have been, the first to admit that friendship runs two ways. I’ve always heard that the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. And it’s true. It’s hard to be a friend with someone when we don’t feel that they are being much of a friend to us.

I have written in other posts about how the Lord designed women to follow their leaders. Most of those posts were written about husbands and wives but I have touched on how we, as women, are that way in all our relationships.

The marital relationship is, and should be, the most important out of every relationship we will ever have. It is a sacred relationship that reaches far beyond any other relationship we will ever experience except for…if we are in Christ…our relationship with the Lord.

And a woman will follow her husband. Even feminist, stand on their own, I-don’t-need-you-wives, will in some way follow their husbands. Whether they think they do or not.

But we follow in all our relationships. We follow in friendships, in jobs, and even as parents.

How many times do we back off, do we give our child space, because they want it?

And so we follow. That is how we are designed. It’s what we are. What we should be.

Which brings me back to this recent conversation with my longtime friend and what I read in one of my past blog posts. The Bible clearly teaches that we are to love God above all else.

…Love the lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment…Matthew 22:37-38

But the next part of that…the next part says what else we are to do…tells us how we should love others.

…Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:39

Love your neighbor as yourself. How simple is that? And how hard is it? How simple is it to read that and understand that we are to love others as we love ourselves? It’s simple in theory but in reality…How hard is it to understand that our ‘neighbor’ is anyone, it’s everyone? And how hard is it to love them as we love ourselves.

Impossible.

That is how hard it is. No matter how much we think we can…we can’t. We forget. We get caught up in our own cares. We let our own feelings influence our reactions.

Let me go back to my friendship. This wonderful friend that has been there for me, as I have been for her, has supported me through so much over so many years. We have cried on each other’s shoulders (long distance), we have laughed together, we have talked, studied together, and basically supported each other through so much.

Is it any wonder that when either one of us failed to do that the other would follow down a road that lead us to the place of feeling less than supported?

We are…women. We follow.

When she stopped understanding, I stopped sharing. When I stopped understanding, she stopped sharing. When she stopped sharing, so did I. When I stopped sharing, so did she. And round and round we went.

I remember many a time when one or the other of us would show support to the other even though there are hundreds of miles between us. We would write emails, letters, send a card, or make a phone call. We supported each other when times were hard and rejoiced for each other when they were good.

But what happened in that friendship to get us to the point where one of us said we would support the other if we were there in person and then failed to support the other from a distance?

The answer…we followed.

And we followed right into a place where neither one of us wanted to be.

As I read what I wrote in that post…

Serving Christ is to be just that…service to Him. We aren’t serving someone when we’re being paid for our works. We are simply exchanging what we do for compensation.

Reading those words made me think of my friend, of what she said. I am not for even a moment negating my role in the following and the leading. Friendship is, after all, a two way street. But as I think of how she told me she would have been there for me through everything if she was close by, as I remember the times she showed me through the things she said…that she wasn’t there for me at all…I began to think on what it means to really serve another. As we are supposed to serve Christ.

When trials come our way…when pain comes our way…when day to day details take our attention…what is our purpose to be toward others.

In this difficult time in my life…I have struggled with many emotions, the pain has come hard and fast. It has left me reeling. And in that pain I have at times focused more on me and less on others. Admittedly, I have even focused more on me and less on Christ. Pain has a way of doing things to us we never expected.

Even Christ himself withdrew from others to pray and be alone in the garden of Gethsemane. He needed time to focus on God and on His own pain. His prayers show us how he cried out in pain.

Can we expect any less of us fallen humans?

That doesn’t mean I like admitting to the struggles I have faced in this time of deep pain and steady trials.

And still…I think of my friends words…of how she said she would have supported me if only she could be here in person.

As I think of her saying that I have asked myself many times…why must we be there in person to support someone? And what happens when we cannot be there in person? There are times in our lives that we absolutely cannot be with another. My friend cited miles between us and family commitments that kept her away. As real as those things are for keeping us apart…they are…if necessary…surmountable. We could have crossed the miles. We could have delegated or brought the family commitments with us. I’m not at all saying that I expected any of that of my friend. I wouldn’t have wanted her to set aside her family commitments for me and I wouldn’t have wanted her to travel so far for me…but it could have been done.

But there are times when we truly cannot be with someone. When crossing the miles is an impossibility. When even if we could get across the miles, there would be something that would prevent us from gaining any access to that person.

I think of people in isolation in hospitals where few to no visitors are allowed, people in prison with restricted visiting lists and schedules, people with contagious diseases that would make it unsafe for us to visit them… Much as we don’t like to think that there could come a time and a reason why we may not be able to see someone we care about, the reality is that those situations do occur. And in those times there is nothing…nothing…that we can do to gain physical access to that person.

What then?

Are we truly unable to support someone simply because we can’t be there physically? Or is it but a barrier to the support we’d like to show them? A barrier we must find a way around.

A number of years ago I came across a site online that matched people willing to write to cancer patients with cancer patients. I signed up to be what the site referred to as an angel. I did it not because I considered myself an angel in any way, not because I wanted recognition, but because I wanted to brighten someone’s day.

I was matched with a little girl that was undergoing cancer treatment. This girls family had set up a website for her and so although I never had any contact from the family or the girl I was able to see what she looked like, learn a little about her, and to watch her progress from afar. But that had no bearing on why I did it either. I simply wanted to help someone. And she happened to be the someone I was assigned to.

I wound up only writing this child for a few months before I was instructed to stop corresponding with her. She had gone into remission and I suppose her family had either requested she no longer be part of the program or that she no longer met the criteria. I never knew.

What I did know was that I tried hard to find ways to make her days a little easier even though I never heard from her. I didn’t do it to get a thank you. I didn’t do it to hear her family tell me how happy the packages I sent made her. I did it because without me ever seeing the result of my efforts I knew that somewhere out there was a little girl whose day was just a little better because I had put forth the effort.

I did it because I was serving her.

I expected no service from her or her family in return.

I have written to soldiers for much the same reason. These, along with the little girl, were people I had no physical access to. They were people that for the most part I never heard a word from. They were people I expected nothing from.

I did hear from one of the soldiers that I wrote to. He emailed me a few times. He was a young man…if I remember correctly…of 19 or 20. He was married. He had a baby. And he was overseas in a hostile environment. He thanked me for the letters I had sent. He told me of his family.

That was nice but it wasn’t why I had done what I did. I don’t write now of having supported that little girl and those soldiers because I want any sort of recognition for doing it. I got all the recognition I needed by simply knowing I did it. Each time I picked out that special something, or used pretty wrapping paper to wrap a package for that little girl I was filled with…happiness isn’t quite the right word but comes close…just knowing that she would be happy to get it. Each time I wrote a letter I knew that my words would make someone, somewhere, have a better day. And that was all the recognition I needed.

I served them…supported them…not through physical closeness but through the ability to make their day just a little brighter simply by doing something that I could do. I didn’t need to be able to hug them…didn’t need to be able to sit by their side…didn’t need to be physically present to support them.

Right now I have a very close family member that is far away. It is one of the trials I am facing that has caused me so much pain. I can’t be close to this person physically at this time. But I can support this person. With every letter I write, every email I send, every phone call I engage in with this person…I am supporting them.

I can send them a card that says I’m thinking about you.

I can write them a letter and tell them what I did today and how I wish they could have done it with me.

I can show them I care when the caller ID shows that this person is calling me…and I answer the phone.

When I was writing to soldiers I remember reading on how to do it. It’s not quite as easy as it sounds. You see, you are literally writing to a person that you’ve never met, that you do not know, and that chances are you know almost nothing about. You’re writing to a person that you may not feel comfortable giving out your home address to, or letting them know your family situation. Yes, even with soldiers.

And so whole forums and websites exist to help you write to a soldier you’ve never met. They give suggestions and guidelines. And they tell you how important those letters are. I remember reading that for a soldier getting a letter that speaks of how you went to the grocery store, the things you bought, and how long you stood in line to check out…things that seem like nothing to you…have the ability to let that soldier…who may be living in rough and unsafe conditions…escape from the reality of where they are for the time it takes them to read your letter.

Not only that but often those letters are carried with them and read and reread to the point where they literally just fall apart.

Can you imagine that?

Your boring old trip to the grocery store…the trip you would have rather cleaned toilets than make…is of so much importance to that soldier that they will read it again and again until the paper is no more.

Oh…and if you’d written to them of cleaning toilets…they would have done the same with that letter.

Apparently…those letters offer the reader an escape from the reality of where they are. They give them the ability to forget their reality for a minute and to ‘see’ the things and the places that you wrote of.

I doubt there is any soldier that has ever received a letter that would tell someone support can only be offered in person.

I understand children in overseas orphanages are much the same way. I’ve read of how those children live in environments that are so devoid of color…that everything is gray…the walls, the furniture, their clothes…that when they see a box of crayons they are simply amazed and overwhelmed by the colors before them.

Can you imagine the support that child would feel from a letter, even one from a stranger? Can you imagine the escape they would get if you simply wrote of a day walking on the beach or going to the park…even mowing your grass.

In a world devoid of sensory stimulation…how great would a letter describing the sights and sounds of the things you think nothing of be to the person receiving it? Even if they’ve never seen a beach or touched grass.

Think of those times when you have hurt the most. When your days were long and hard. Would you have welcomed a letter…from a loved one or a stranger…that simply said I thought of you today? Would you have treasured a letter that wrote of nothing but the mundane…a letter you knew held no expectation of your answer…simply because it gave you something else to think about in a day that had been so hard for you?

And those were the things I thought of as I read about serving Christ with no expectations. When I read that serving is only serving if it’s done with no expectation of any kind, of…anything…being given or done to or for you in return.

And now I sit…pondering…

How can we serve those in our lives?

How can we do for them with no expectation of having anything done for us? I think of the loss of my unborn babies in the last few months and I think of the different levels of support I did and did not get from those in my life. I think of the phone calls I got asking how I was and of the people that were silent.

So many times we respond to someone out of our own lives. How do we feel about what that person is going through? Is this a situation we feel comfortable speaking of? Have we ever experienced anything like it and if so what was it we wanted most as we went through it. And out of our own experiences and thoughts and feelings we make a difference in other’s lives. We will show them our feelings for them, or their situation, based off how we respond.

And in so doing we will lead them in our relationship with them.

Everyone responds well to a kind word or letter whether they say anything at all to us. It brightens their day and eases their life. Whatever we are going through…good or bad…whose day isn’t brightened by getting a personal note or card in the mail?

            And how many of the people in our lives are led by our reactions and actions where they are concerned?

            Again…I think of a soldier sitting off by himself…reading a letter written by a stranger about something so unimportant as a trip to the grocery store…and how vital that letter may be to them.

            We never know just how big an impact our words…our actions…might have on another person. Whether we are standing in front of them or whether they are thousands of miles away. Comfort is as easily had as writing a quick note on the back of a receipt…if that’s all we have…just to say…

            I’m thinking of you.

            Support…service…serving…comes easily in those four little words and the miniscule amount of trouble it takes to put that note into the mail. And the cost to us…a single stamp.

            Oh…but the impact that note could have on the recipient. We may never know just how important it was.

            Even in the midst of our own troubles…how hard is it to remember to love others as ourselves? When our days are rough, when our hours are long, when our tears are many…can we do something to help someone else through their own day? No matter how busy we might be or how we might feel at the time?

            Do we realize that we could have a profound effect by simply placing a card in the mail? If we know our situation keeps us from being able to go out and buy a card on most days…could we not buy several and keep them and a few stamps on hand, just so that they’re there if we ever need them? Could we take ten minutes to write a quick note on a piece of paper and stick it in the mail…or leave it on the counter…for someone that may be having a rough day?

            Our own situation can be made lighter by focusing on helping another.      

            And it never has to cost more than the price of a single stamp.

           

 

Self-help

Walk into any bookstore or library and you’ll find a wealth of self-help books. There’s a book out there to help you change just about any habit or personality trait you want. And if it isn’t some ingrained something in yourself that you want to change then there’s a book out there to teach you how to do just about anything you want to do. I’ve never seen them but I’ve heard there are even books to show you how to build bombs.

You name it, if you want to change it, there’s a book out there to help you do just that.

I’ve never been all that big on self-help books for the same reason I’ve never been all that big on devotionals…they all start with someone else’s ideas and then that person uses their ideas and beliefs to tell you what to do in your life.

I currently own two devotionals by reformed preachers…one a modern day preacher, one a popular preacher from the 1800’s…and I must say I’m no more impressed with either of those devotionals than I am with any other devotional I’ve ever picked up.

Why is it that men that can deliver an excellent reformed sermon can’t seem to deliver the same kind of message in a devotional? I suspect the devotional by the 19^th century preacher has been made by modern day men using the teachings of that preacher but to be honest I haven’t read enough of it to know. The one by the modern day preacher…a preacher that delivers hard truths in every sermon I’ve heard him preach…reads like he’s holding the hand of his reader and walking them through the simplest ideas of Christianity.

I had hoped to find the same kind of deep Scriptural truths in his devotional that I find in his sermons but that hasn’t been the case.

Recently a good friend suggested I read a certain parenting book. She highly recommended it. I happened to have had that very book several years ago and wasn’t impressed with it. It sat on my bookshelf for over a year. During that time I picked it up with the intention of reading it many times only to wind up unable to do more than skim through it. After trying to read it so many times and not liking what I was reading I sent the book on its way to another home where it might do more than gather dust and take up space as it was doing in my home.

When my friend suggested I read the book I did some research into the author. Turned out he holds to reformed beliefs. About the same time I found that book, quite by accident, at the thrift store. I bought it, brought it home, and began to read through it. Only to discover that I was no more impressed this time around than I had been the first time. It was of the same ilk as all other parenting books. The only thing I could see in it that made it better than most was that it did hold to Christian standards…mostly.

As with the devotionals I have that were written by the reformed preachers I wanted to find within the pages of that book the Scriptural beliefs I hold. What I found instead was something entirely different. But the biggest disappointment for me wasn’t in the truths that were or were not being taught within the pages of that parenting book…it was the fact that what I was reading was nothing more than a man trying to get me to raise my children based off his ideas and beliefs. In the beginning of the book there was even an endorsement by someone else who stated that the author of that parenting book understood both me and my children.

And that was where I ran into my first problem. How could this author…this man…possibly understand me or my children? He’s never met us, doesn’t know us, and will most likely never meet or know any of us.

            I did wind up skimming through the entire book, reading parts of it and skipping others, but I did it only for the friend that had suggested I read the book.

            I find myself in the same position with these reformed devotionals. I have skimmed through them, read bits and pieces, tried to see in these books what I hear in the sermons these men preached…and I can’t find it.

            As much as I’d like to enjoy a parenting book or a devotional book I have truly never found one that I enjoy. If I’m going to turn to a self-help book…the only one that’s ever helped me has been the one that contains all of Truth and nothing of man’s ideas. The only book I’ve ever found true help in has been the Bible.

That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy reading a book that may teach a certain topic. I have and do enjoy certain books of that kind. But I simply can’t manage to enjoy or like books that are designed to

             

Instruction manual for marriage

            As a mother I’ve had people tell me many times ‘don’t you wish they came with instructions.’ I never wished that.

            But I’ve heard people say the same thing about marriage. How they wished there was an instruction manual for marriage. There is. The Bible tells us exactly how marriage is supposed to be. Those instructions can be found in Ephesians 5, Titus 2, 1 Corinthians, Hebrews…in fact directions for marriage can pretty much be found all through the Bible, starting in Genesis. Genesis 2:24(esv) sets the very basis for what marriage is…

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Christ gave the same description for marriage…

And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” ... Matthew 19:2-9 esv

That is the very definition for what marriage is and it’s the explanation of how it came to be. What God has joined together. Pretty powerful words. The Lord created the entire world…in a sense we might say he ‘joined it together’…he made it…he created it. And he did the same thing with marriage. He created it. From the very first marriage to the very last one…they are all of the Lord’s joining.

Have you ever just stopped and thought about what it takes for any one couple to get married. Not only did they both have to be in the right place at the right time to meet…no matter when or where that happened…but they each had to like the other, they each had to fall in love with the other…and they had to want to marry each other. No small feat considering we encounter millions of people in our lifetime and most of them pass through without us giving them more than a passing thought. It gets even more amazing if you consider that both his and her parents had to do the same thing…and so did their grandparents…and their grandparents….and their grandparents…

The Lord brought each of those couples together, joined them together. In every single marriage…he brought them together.

Scripture even goes so far as to tell us what a wife is and how she came to be…

The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:20-24

We are not only to be a helper to our husbands but we are a part of him. The very first marriage the Lord created was done by literally making the wife from the husband’s body. I may not literally have my husband’s rib…but then again who really knows if we do or not? Really…we all have a certain number of ribs…we came into the world with them. But how do we know that somehow in our genetic makeup that we don’t literally have our husband’s rib? The Lord certainly knew who our husband would be long before we married. He had our lives planned out before we ever met our husbands.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…Jeremiah 1:5

I took that out of context but I see nothing there that would take its value away by removing it from the context it was used in. If the Lord knew one person before they were born…he knew another. We know from other verses that the Lord foreordained those that he chose before the foundation of the world…therefore He knew them even before the world was created…before they were born.

But notice in that verse how he says …I formed you in the womb. He made us in the womb. We don’t just grow out of the genetic make-up of our parents. He makes us…he forms us. Who’s to say he doesn’t work our husband’s rib into us when he’s making us. Are we any less made then Eve?

I could have somehow knit into my very being…my husband. Every wife could have her husband knit into her very being. We aren’t told that God placed Adam’s rib into Eve and it became her rib…We’re told, And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman. So the rib taken from Adam could have gone into any part of Eve…or every part of her. But whether we literally have our husband’s rib makes no difference.

That verse is our instruction manual for what we are to our husband. We are his helper…and we are a part of his body…with or without his rib.

Ephesians 5:28 even instructs the husband to love his wife as such…

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

We have all these instructions for marriage in Scripture and still…some would like for marriage to come with an instruction manual. How would they receive it? Would it be handed over by the state employee that issues their marriage license? Would the man that performs the ceremony give it to them when the marriage license is signed? Would it be presented to them by the parents of either the bride or the groom?

And if it was possible to get such a book…who would write it?

And would you want such a book if it was written by a fallen person? There are plenty of marriage self-help books out there. Marriage advice abounds. And so does divorce. Would anyone truly want to expose their very personal marriage to the beliefs and teachings of another person?

I remember watching a movie with my mom when I was in my teens. I don’t remember most of the movie but I remember the woman…a new wife, I think…was given a book on dog training by her mother. Turns out the mother said that training a husband and training a dog are pretty much the same…or something like that. The wife reads the book and puts it into practice…training her ‘pet’ husband.

What a lack of respect that woman had for her husband.

I can only imagine the pain the husband would experience if he had found out that his wife was trying to train him like a dog. What does that say for the wife’s feelings for her husband?

The very concept goes against the instruction manual that we are given for marriage. Scripture tells us…

…let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 esv

Did the woman show even a hint of respect for her husband when she used that book…those methods…to ‘train’ her husband? When she essentially compared her husband to a dog?

If I had to choose only one verse to follow for marriage it would be that one. All the rest…can be rolled into that one…not even whole verse. Proverbs 21:9 tells us what it’s like to live with a wife that doesn’t respect her husband…

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs tells us what a wife is to her husband…

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.  vs 18:22 esv

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. vs 19:14 esv

I’d much rather be a good thing…an inheritance…from the lord to my husband than something that makes it better for him to live in a corner of the housetop. But I can’t be any of those things for my husband if I don’t respect him.

My husband recently told me that if I need something from him that he isn’t giving me that he needs me to tell him what it is I need. My husband never knowingly does anything that hurts me. I know he would never knowingly do anything to hurt me. That…and so much more…instills respect in me for him.

But if I didn’t have respect for him…could I be a good thing for him? Could I be an inheritance for him? Ephesians 5:27 (esv) gives us another idea of what a wife should be for her husband…

…present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

This verse is speaking of what the husband should do… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word vs 25-26…for his wife but it still tells wives what they should be to their husbands.

As a wife I can’t even begin to imagine how I could become… as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. That’s like trying to attain perfection. It’s impossible. But Scripture tells us that a husband can create that in his wife.

Proverbs 18:22 speaks of a man finding a wife and what she is when he finds her. If we look to Proverbs 31:10 we see again just what a wife should be…but we also see that there’s a little more to finding that wife than we saw before.

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:10 esv

Who can find? I’m going to make a guess here and say that in those three words we can see that a wife that is a good thing…an inheritance…that has a value beyond that of jewels…isn’t so easy to ‘find’.

As a wife…It’s kind of hard to write on this particular aspect of marriage. I never want it to seem like I’m placing a value on myself. That isn’t my place to do. The value I have for my husband isn’t for me to say. As I write this I’m writing it strictly from a Scriptural perspective, not from an ‘I am this’ perspective.

As a wife…I try to be this for my husband…to my husband. I respect my husband. I love him. I appreciate him for who he is. And I appreciate all he does for me and our children.

And that very respect…and the appreciation that rolls into that respect…is the very basis for all of the rest of what I see in Scripture that I should be. I can’t have a high value to my husband if I don’t respect him. He can’t value me if I always act like I don’t want him around. He can’t respect me if I tell him of everything he does wrong.

Scripture gives us the definition for what we are to be as wives…how we are to act…how we are to treat our husbands…

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-23.

The above verses added to Ephesians 5:33… let the wife see that she respects her husband…give us very good instructions on what a wife is. Submission is its own form of respect. And if she is those things…she…I would guess…will not fall into the category or a quarrelsome wife…and she will be a good thing to her husband with a price more precious than jewels. Of course…I am a wife so I can only say that from the wife’s perspective.

Our instruction manual for marriage goes so far as to give us instruction on the intimate side of marriage.

³ The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. ⁵ Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NIV

Scripture goes further in defining the more intimate side of marriage…

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 esv

It would seem that the Lord laid out a pretty good instruction manual on marriage for us. He may have covered only a handful of things in that manual but those things take in almost all the details of married life.

We are told that marriage is to be held in honor. If we truly honor something what do we do? We give it a special place…a special significance. It’s important. Valued. Prized.

It’s respected.

We are told how long a woman is to be married to her husband…

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:39 esv

We are told when a marriage can be ended…

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15 NIV

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9 esv

We’re told why divorce is allowed in those cases…

He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Matthew 19:4-8 esv

Christ said that because of the hardness of men’s hearts divorce was allowed but he only said it when questioned as to why divorce was allowed. Notice that he went further to say… but from the beginning it was not so. From the beginning…it was not so. In other words divorce wasn’t always allowed. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. There actually is no contingency plan in that. What God joined together let man not separate. Nowhere in that does it say that divorce is permissible it says …let man not separate. Christ tells us that divorce is allowed because of the hardness of heart. Because men’s hearts are hard…divorce is allowed under certain circumstances. Those circumstances…an unbeliever leaving the marriage and adultery. That’s it. Nothing else.

We’re shown in Hosea how long marriage should last…

And I will betroth you to me forever….vs 2:19 esv

How much more of an instruction manual can we ask for?

Well…what of love one might ask. It’s there too. This time not in direct reference to marriage but it’s still there…

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 esv

In all of that I can see respect for your husband playing a big part. Respect affects every part of our emotions toward our husbands. It affects how we think of him. How we treat him. it will flow from everything we say to him and everything we do for him. The Lord went so far as to give us examples of that respect. Sarah called Abraham ‘my lord.’ Ruth slept at Boaz’s feet.

The Lord knew what He was doing when He wrote out the instruction manual for marriage.