Being a help meet

As a woman…as a wife…Genesis 2:18 has such profound meaning. It’s so simple on the surface and yet…it’s beyond profound.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. KJV

What does it truly mean to be a help meet? It’s a term we don’t have today. The NIV and the NASB replace help meet with a helper suitable for him. The Esv says… a helper fit for him. No matter the description used the very idea is…intriguing.

The first part of that verse…it is not good that man should be alone. This speaks specifically of a male…of a man. There are times in Scripture when the word man is used for all mankind…men, women, and children…but here it is speaking of a man. And it isn’t good for man to be alone.

The Lord makes that statement…observation…decree…and then he immediately says what he will do to fix the problem. I will make him an help meet for him. This is where things get really interesting.

The Lord says…I will make a help meet for him. I will make. He will create a help meet…whatever that may be. When the Lord created Eve…did Adam have any idea what a help meet was? Do we…today, with all our technology…know what a help meet truly is?

Our human minds want to say that a help meet is simply a helper for Adam and the modern translations of the Bible show that. God made a helper for Adam. Simple.

Right?

Before we decide that it is that simple let’s look a little deeper. Looking at the Greek and Hebrew translations of the words help and meet, they are taken from the words "ezer" and ‘Ke-neg-dow’. I looked at both the Hebrew and the Greek translations and the words were the same in both….where I looked (Hebrew: http://biblehub.com/text/genesis/2-18.htm, Greek: http://biblehub.com/interlinear/genesis/2-18.htm). There was no difference in the original words used or their English translation.

In both Greek and Hebrew ezer is translated as ‘a helper’ and Ke-neg-dow is translated as ‘suitable’.  As I was researching these words I came across article after article that gave certain words as the translation of the Hebrew words.

These articles all had something going for them. I found myself seeing Genesis 2:18 in a new light the moment I looked at those words.  They took a verse that is already pretty amazing…pretty simple…and pretty complex…and turned it into something bigger…something greater…something…wow.

And yet I didn’t read more than a few sentences into each of these articles before I discovered I didn’t hold the same beliefs that the authors did. When I skipped to the end of the articles I discovered they all had something else I didn’t share. Every last one of those articles used the supposed Hebrew definitions to give…what seemed to me…more power to women than to men. They took those words and gave them a modern day twist that sounded more like feminism than it did Scripture.

I’m going to start first with a word that my husband taught me to use…one that until he showed me what it really meant, I never wanted to use…

Context.

To get the idea that these articles I partly read all came to they had to disregard the entire context of the Bible. Not only that but they were also using words that I didn’t see in either translation when I looked them up in the Greek and Hebrew. I don’t generally go to the original translations of Scripture but these articles all used the Hebrew translation so I looked it up myself. What I discovered was that the translations I found online weren’t using the same English words that the articles were. In the translations I looked at the English words were ‘a helper’ and ‘suitable.’  This actually made the NIV and the NASB translations pretty accurate to the original texts.

The articles all used the English words ‘power’ and ‘strength’ as the translation for ‘ezer’ and ‘ke-neg-dow’.  Using those words to translate ‘ezer’ and ‘ke-neg-dow’ the end conclusion of each of the articles was that woman was not only equal to man but actually had more ‘power’ than man. The Bible…if looked at in context shows something completely different than what the articles were not just suggesting but outright saying.  After reading over those articles I did do a bit more looking and found a few articles that came to the conclusion that Eve was Adam’s mirror image…or exact equal…instead of being superior to him.

I will come back to the context of Genesis 2:18 later for now I want to go back to the actual words used. The English words help and meet started out as the words ‘a helper’ and ‘suitable’. The word helper gives a slightly different idea than the word help does…and by the way as much as I like the words help meet I don’t see them in the original Greek translation. What is there is ‘suitable’ and ‘a helper’.

Helper is defined in the dictionary as one that helps, aids, or assists. It’s a person that is basically the helper of another. The assistant.

‘Suitable’ is defined as fitting or proper. The 1828 Webster’s Dictionary has the following listed in its definition for suitable… ornaments suitable to one's character and station…

Putting the English words ‘a helper’ and ‘suitable’ together we come up with something to the effect of…a person that properly assists, helps, or aids. I’m adding my own ideas into this next part but…what of the definition in the 1828 dictionary? Ornaments suitable to one’s character and station? This isn’t a Biblical definition, and I’m only putting my ideas into this, but…if we apply that definition to the word suitable as it applies to the original translation…

Eve was a helpful ornament that was fitting or proper to Adam’s character and position.

The same dictionary defines ornament as…

That which embellishes; something which, added to another thing, renders it more beautiful to the eye.

Also as…

Embellishment; decoration; additional beauty.

Again…this is only my ideas…my thoughts…but if Eve was to be a helpful ornament to Adam then she was there to be an embellishment…a decoration…to Adam and to help him. I know that there are those that see woman as nothing more than that…a decoration to men. That’s not what I’m implying. Several years ago I heard something from a supposedly Christian man that when his wife was dressed nice he felt ten feet tall walking beside her. That isn’t what I’m talking about either…not exactly. What I’m talking about is the completeness that comes with being married.

Before Eve…Adam was alone in the world. He had no one to help him with anything…not the simple day to day tasks and not the difficult tasks that require more than one person to accomplish. But he also had no one there for the more personal…more emotional…moments. Who was there to listen when Adam needed to talk? Who was there to offer moral support when he needed it? Who was there to…just be there for Adam?

Not too long ago I wrote a post titled ‘I am his weakness, he is my strength’. Who was there to be Adam’s weakness? Who was there to let Adam be weak?

When we love someone they become something to us that others aren’t…and when we marry someone they become even more to us. There is a place in us that that person fills that was empty until they came along. Once that love is there…the place is full. That person then has the power…the ability…to fill that place with nothing more than their presence.

In marriage our husband/wife fills a place in us that wasn’t occupied before. They have the ability to make the day better simply by being in our view. That completeness that we experience in our love for that person then becomes something of a decoration to us…to our life. Life is richer when we share it with another. In marriage life takes on a whole dimension that isn’t there when we’re alone. We are completed…decorated…because we are married.

I feel cared for…protected…safe…in my husband’s arms. I feel…at home. This is a feeling I do not have without my husband. It’s a feeling I didn’t have before we married and it’s a feeling I don’t have when we’re apart. Just being hugged by my husband reminds me that all is right in my world…even when everything else is wrong. For that time…that moment…I’m safe simply because he is there to care for me.

Before Eve…who was there to be all that and more for Adam? Who was there to fill the empty places in Adam? Who was there to complete him?

Would that filling of the empty places not be a decoration? Would giving him a place to be weak…a home for his heart…make Eve…make a wife…an ornament to her husband?

Would having a wife…the woman he loves…not give a man a reason to feel ten feet tall? Not in the prideful way the man I spoke of felt but in the simple fact that he now has a woman to care for and protect? Where he was alone he is now one person in two bodies? In marriage a man (and a woman) becomes a ‘we’ instead of an ‘I’.

I never played sports but it’s my understanding that in team sports there is a team mentality. Each member isn’t working and acting for him or herself but for the greater good of the team. They are a unit that must work not only together but each individual has to work toward what is best for the team. In marriage each person should strive to work for the ‘team’, for the ‘we’.

Since my husband and I married I’ve found myself shopping for clothes a bit differently. I prefer jeans and t-shirts for their comfort, convenience, and general ease of care and wear. My husband likes to see me in more feminine clothes. He hasn’t once told me not to wear jeans and t-shirts but I regularly wear things that wouldn’t generally be my first choice in clothes simply because I know it will please my husband. In those times I dress for ‘we’ instead of ‘I’.

Going back to the words ‘power’ and ‘strength’…if they truly can be applied to ‘ezer’ and ‘ke-neg-dow’ then when I wear clothes I know my husband will like I use my ‘power’ to strengthen us. Wearing things I know my husband likes is a simple thing. In most cases it has no bearing on anything I will do during the day and yet it has the ability to let my husband enjoy looking at me and it has the ability to say ‘I love you’ and ‘I care about what you think’. That’s a pretty powerful thing considering I did something so simple.

It may appear that by dressing in a way that I know brings joy to my husband that I would be making him feel ten feet tall in how I look. Whether that is the case or not…it isn’t my goal. You see…I’m not trying to decorate my husband’s arm…although I know that I do. I know that I am an extension of him in all that I do. I give people an impression everywhere I go, and that impression reflects on my husband. But that isn’t so much what I’m trying to do. The fact that it happens is a side benefit. What I’m doing…or trying to do…is complete my husband…give him joy in me…show him that I care. Basically…I’m trying to feed that inner place in him where I live…where I decorate his heart…his soul.

But that isn’t the kind of power the articles I came across were speaking of. They weren’t saying that a wife is to be a helpful decoration to her husband…a completion of him…and that that position comes with the power to…well…help and complete our husbands. That we have the power to let him be both strong and weak. That our existence in his life is powerful.

Most of the articles I found used the word power to show that woman was at least as powerful as a man. And in some ways she is…her importance is…vital…in the marriage. Some of the articles I looked at turned to having children as a way to describe how important a woman’s role in marriage is. But if we look to Scripture we can see that childbearing is not the reason a woman becomes a wife…nor is it her greatest contribution to marriage.

Genesis 2:18 does not say that God created someone to have Adam’s children. It says that He created a helper for Adam. Eve was first a helper…a completion…of Adam. Having children was a blessing that came from that union. It wasn’t her first or most important role.

The word ke-neg-dow is found only once in the Bible. It is used in Genesis 2:18 and speaks of Eve being made…or created…for Adam. It’s definition is that she was suitable for Adam…an ornament…for him. Some of those articles described it as being opposite him, or corresponding to him.

Much the way our left hand corresponds to our right. Our hands are equal to each other, they have the same basic function and yet…they are different. One hand is more dominant than the other. One hand has a leading role, the other a supporting role. One hand does most of the work, the other hand is there to assist when needed. Should something happen to the dominant…stronger…hand, the weaker hand can be trained to take over the role of the stronger hand but that isn’t its primary function.

Several of the articles I came across cited the root words of ezer as ‘to save’ or ‘to rescue’ and to ‘be strong’. Whether these words are right or not they could very well fit into the whole purpose behind Eve. Those articles used these definitions to show that Eve was (in the best one’s) an equal to Adam or (in the worst) superior to Adam.

But if we look back to the definition for helper…to save…to rescue…and to be strong…could all come into that very description. And how much more meaningful is it to know that in some ways Eve was not only a helper to Adam but a rescuer.

Again…this is not taken straight from Scripture. Scripture simply says that Eve was made to be a helper…a help meet. But because I’m writing this after having come across those articles I’m going to use these descriptions. If I in any way saved or rescued my husband it came about in the way I completed him…in the way I gave him a weakness to balance his strength. Much the way my left hand balances my right. Together they make a ‘team’ that are much better…much stronger…than one hand alone is.

Looking back to Genesis 2:18….if we can truly apply rescuer to that verse…we would have something that looked more like…I will make someone to rescue Adam. But that isn’t what Scripture says. Scripture says that God made a helper for Adam. In one of the articles I read it said that the root words for ezer are ‘to rescue’ or ‘to save’ and ‘to be strong.’ I know nothing of the original translations so must go from what I read elsewhere but…if we take those words and apply them to the term help meet…we get something that becomes much deeper and says much more about what Eve was for Adam…about what wife is to husband.

Going back to the 1828 dictionary and adding in this definition, we have something different…

Eve was a rescuing ornament that was fitting or proper to Adam’s character and position.

She was there not merely to help him as we tend to see helping someone today but that help had a much deeper purpose, a much more profound place. Her very existence was because…it was not good that man should be alone. She was created for the sole purpose of keeping Adam from being alone.

Was she there to be an ornament? Who knows but the very nature of her relationship with Adam would have made her a decoration to his life…because we all decorate the lives of those that love us. And still…her decoration would have come not in the shallow way that a throw pillow decorates a couch but in a deeper way that was the completion of who he was as a man because Eve was there…was created…for him.

This is where we can look again to our hands. I am right handed…it’s my dominant hand. My left hand has a supporting role in everything I do. As I type this…both of my hands must work together to make the words flow onto the page as I need them to, but there are other times when my left hand must take a side role to my right hand. When I write with a pen my right hand does 99% of the task while my left hands supports what my right hand is doing.

Eve was created for Adam…to be his helper…but she wasn’t made to be exactly like him. How easily God could have made another man. How easy it would have been for Him to simply make a companion for Adam. But that isn’t what God did. Instead of a companion, God made a help meet…a completion…of Adam.

Eve wasn’t simply designed the same way Adam was and placed on earth so that Adam wouldn’t have to go through life alone. She was created different. Male and female he created them. Those differences weren’t just skin deep, they weren’t just physical differences, they went all the way to the heart and soul of who Eve was.

There are things that I do and say, actions I take, reactions I give, that can be easily explained by simply saying…I’m a girl. Girls are emotional. Girls need more emotional support. Girls like girly things. Girls are…girls. Even as a woman, I’m still a girl…a female. As such I have an inbuilt need to love and be loved, a need to care for and be cared for, a need to nurture.

I read an article on encouraging your husband not all that long ago and in it the author said something about not mothering your husband, not treating him like a two year old,  but the very thing in women that makes us want to…need to…do that, is one of the very things that make us female. It is the need to nurture.

My husband told me once that I am the nurturer and he is the provider. Scripture bears out these roles. Men have one role, women another.

It’s what we were created for.

Originally…we were created to turn all that nurturing toward our husbands. Or at least the first female was. When Eve was created there was no one else for her to nurture. Adam was the only one around for her to unleash that on. That nurturing…was a very important part of who and what she was created to be.

I’m not saying we should treat our husbands like two year olds. We shouldn’t even consider it…that would show a complete lack of respect for him. But nurturing doesn’t have to mean mothering. It means caring for, loving…supporting.

Woman was created to be a help meet…a suitable helper…for man. That is the only reason we were created. There are other, side benefits, of being women…of men having wives…but our number one goal is to be a suitable helper to our husband.

Not long after I got married a well-meaning relative told me that I needed to remember that my husband was the second most important thing in my life now. I was completely ready to agree until this person went on not to say that the Lord was first and my husband second, but that children are first and then my husband.

Scripture shows us something completely different. From the creation of the very first woman…who was created not as a woman but as a wife, being a woman was what she was but she was made to be a wife.

That brings us back to the context of what women are in Scripture. Earlier I said that those articles had to disregard the context of Scripture to come to the conclusions they did about women. Scripturally we are taught that men are the head of women…

But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 NIV

We are taught that the husband is the head of the wife…

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:23 NIV

In at least one of the articles I read it went so far as to imply that Eve was the savior of Adam…that woman was the savior of man. Scripture tells us it is the exact opposite.

In Ephesians 5:22 we are told…

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (ESV)

Looking at the entire context of Scripture we see that woman was not above man, she was not his savior, she was not more powerful than he was. In the book of Ruth we are even shown how the husband…Boaz…was the salvation of his wife…Ruth.

The women in Scripture did not have more power than their husbands. They were under their husbands care. They had a place in their husband’s life…a supporting role…a place to decorate…but they did not hold more power than their husband did.

They were suitable helpers to their husbands. They filled a role, a void, in their husband’s lives. They gave him a weakness even as he gave them strength. They filled the empty places in his life, in him. They completed him.

They were his…help meet.