Protecting them

I’ve spent every year of my parenting experience doing the best I can to protect my children from the bad in this world. There were things I didn’t realize were bad early in my parenting days and there were things that I saw as bad that may not have been as bad as I thought they were at the time. Like most parents I did the best I could at each stage of raising each of my children.

Recently I’ve had some conversations with my teenage daughter that has made me wonder if all the protecting was as good as I thought it was. Don’t get me wrong…I don’t regret keeping them safe from the evils of this world, whether those evils were in real life or entertainment.

In the Christian homeschool world there are many different ideas of the right way to raise and educate children. Among ‘Christian’ families there seems to be two big differences though. There are those that believe in protecting their children from everything and those that believe in exposing their children to everything and then discussing those exposures. I always fell into the ‘protect them at all costs’ side.

There’s just something to be said for protecting the innocence of children. I’m not talking about innocence in the Lord’s eyes, that doesn’t exist, I’m talking about innocent to so many of the world’s ways. There are so many evils in this world that they must deal with in one capacity or another eventually, it just seems best to delay that as long as possible.

The trouble with that plan only recently became apparent to me. I still think it’s a good plan, a good idea. Our children need to be protected from all manner of evil. The trouble is…evil lives within their hearts. Sooner or later the desire to fulfill their own interests and longings will rear its head. Not only that but they will one day have to navigate this world on their own. For some children that day comes sooner than it does for others.

As much as I have protected my children from things I didn’t want them exposed to I soon discovered that the world encroached whether I wanted it to or not. Although I must admit that some of that encroachment was my own fault.

My daughters took a liking to fancy, very expensive, jeans after I took them to a ‘church’ building where that kind of jeans were the popular thing…everyone from babies to elderly women were wearing them. Was it any wonder my children wanted them?

The thing I struggle with now is where is the line between our beliefs and their desires? We can’t know ahead of time how something will affect them. I’m strong enough in my faith to be exposed to anything and walk away with my faith intact. I may have scars from what I saw or experienced but my faith will stand fast no matter what I’m exposed to. My children don’t have that.

The faith they have is superficial. It’s a head knowledge, a vocalization. It isn’t soul deep, it doesn’t consume their heart and mind.

And so they are like a leaf blowing in the wind. They may know what kind of leaf they are but what’s to stop them from landing in the pond instead of the yard? What’s to keep them from blowing into the manure pile instead of landing on the porch?

Without the complete and total faith that comes with regeneration…their faith can only keep them so safe. Their hearts long for something they don’t have and so they search for something to fill that longing. It may be hobbies, it may be the entertainment industry, it may even be ‘church’ but the reality is…

Unless Christ fills that void the longing will remain.

Something will consume them whether it’s Christ or things of the world.

I once spoke with someone that told me we can make our children believe what we want them too. This person’s oldest child was seven years old. My oldest was in the teen years. I tried explaining that we can’t force our children to believe. This person didn’t agree. I switched tactics, told them we can make them share our beliefs when they’re little but sooner or latter they must believe on their own. That seemed to sink in but only so far. I truly think that person believed that if we just force our children to believe as we do that we can make them share that belief.

No.

All we can do is make them express belief with their mouths. True belief is from the Lord and He’s the only One that can make them believe.

By the same token we can’t make them hate the sins of this world. All we can do is lay the foundation for telling them that those sins are wrong, why they’re wrong. Then sooner or later we have to get out of the way to let them experience the pain of the world for themselves.

Protecting them can only be taken so far.

No matter how much we may want to spend their lives keeping them from the evil of this world. And keeping the evil far away from them.

I think often of the 1800’s and how life was like in those days. I have a friend that has told me many times of how much she likes the 1800’s. She thinks of the simplicity of that time, of how they lived without all the distractions we live with, of how they were freer to focus on Christ. I can see what she means when she speaks of those times but for me when I think of that time period what I think of is how many of the evils were kept in check. Of how much of society didn’t accept the evil that people in our time accept. Of how nice it would be to be able to walk through town without seeing the majority of everyone’s bodies. Of how nice it would be not to hear so many bad words. Of how nice it would be to see a time when wickedness wasn’t given quite so much freedom.

I know the evil of men’s hearts was there even as it was restrained. I know that awful things happened in those days too. But I also know it was reined in at least a little.

And now…as I continue to have conversations with my teenage daughter…as I continue to see not only our lives but the world through her eyes. I am forced to ask myself how much protecting we can do.

As I grow a tiny baby within my body…I prepare a teenage daughter for the world.

As I think of the innocence this baby has of all the world’s ways…I must wonder if I have given my daughter the tools to face the world.

It’s a fine line that must be walked between keeping the evils from them and preparing them to one day live in those evils.

Have I walked that line?

Or did I fall off one side or the other?