I've wasted it

Years ago I read somewhere that the two saddest words in the English language are the words ‘if only.’ And truly…if we stop and think of those words…we can see that they are two very sad words.

Those two little words sum up the entirety of our regrets. If only I had done this. If only I hadn’t done that. If only…

The two saddest words in the English language.

Today I read something that may well be sadder. ‘I’ve wasted it.’ Those three words were written in a book (don’t waste your life) by John Piper. Along with those words he tells the story of an old man that upon what appears to be his conversion he says ‘I’ve wasted it.’

He had wasted his chance to live for Christ. That seems to be the point that the author is getting to although he begins to stray from that man’s story not long after those profound words. If the words ‘if only’ are the two saddest words in the English language…I’ve wasted it must be the three saddest words in the Christian language.

Right now I have trials in my life that have left me drowning in deep water, struggling to gain my footing… more than once I’ve found myself asking the question I least want to ask. I have asked…why.

As I struggle through these trials I have asked not only myself but also my Lord…why.

And I don’t like that. It grieves me to ask my Lord why. Because I know that in His plan there is a purpose for everything that makes me ask why. And I know that I am but the creature. Who am I ‘O man’ to question God?

And so it grieves me when I find myself questioning Him. But I am a fallen person. I am flesh. I am weak. I hurt. I fear. And I question even when I don’t want to.

How easy I could make a list of ‘if onlys’ at this time in my life. If only this had happened. Or if only that hadn’t happened. But that would serve no purpose and it would negate the will of God in my life.

And so I skip the ‘if onlys’.

Instead I struggle through the days. I face the trials that come. And I think of how much worse it would be to face any day of your life and to think ‘I’ve wasted it.’

Sometimes my flesh wants to think back over my life and think ‘if only’ but then my spirit reminds me that there are no ‘if onlys’ because the Lord was in charge of my life…even in those times I’d like to change. And He had a plan for me during each second of my life.

How much better to look back over my life and to see that there is a before Christ and an after Christ. That there were days when I ‘knew not what I did’ and that there came the day when I was enlightened and that for me ‘to live is Christ.’

The ‘if onlys’ were erased.

And I will never have to say…’I’ve wasted it.’